If the relationships of people around you are not working and you think yours won’t, you may be mistaken. You can make your relationship work. You are different and can do things differently.
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How can you make your relationship work? Find out in this article. A break-up does not have to be your first option.
What are the pointers of a relationship that is working?
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You give allowance for the faults of your partner
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You validate their emotions and opinions
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You are accountable to each other
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You communicate healthily
Because relationships are not working around you doesn’t mean yours will not work. A relationship is not child’s play. It is serious business and cannot solely thrive on the butterflies in your belly. However, there are tips you can bear in mind to make your relationship work.
1. Intentional knowing
You intentionally get to know your partner by asking them questions and getting them to talk about themselves. Ask questions about their family; what they think about sex; core values, their career; their finances; their favorite meal; what their belief system is centered around, and many other things that are necessary to talk about.
However, to make your relationship work, you should keep an open mind because their answers might not completely resonate with you. And that is not completely out of place.
Do not let sentiments cloud your judgement. Therefore, it is advisable for you to keep an open mind.
2. Acceptance
You should be sure that you are willing to stay committed. If you are not sure that you want to be committed to your partner, there’s a high probability that at the slightest show of trouble, your first option would be break-up.
Remember that you are not perfect neither is your partner. Commitment means staying through and through even with their flaws and imperfections. It means growing with your partner. Getting better with your partner. And of course, working on yourself and constantly adding value to yourself.
To make your relationship work, you should be welcoming of their thoughts and opinions. And if they don’t meet your expectations, you can make them know, but without picking a fight or make them feel any less of themselves.
Note that, commitment isn’t commitment if you stay only through the good moments and you’re nowhere to be found during the bad moments.
3. Assurance
This is one tip that would definitely help with making your relationship work. Show them at every chance that you love them. Don’t just sit on the fact that they know, show them that you do. Ask yourself if your actions reflect your love for them.
Don’t be nonchalant about expressing your love for them. It’s in the little things. You both should assure yourselves any way you can that you love each other.
Buy gifts. Send mails. Communicate regularly. Send money. Send food. Go out and have a good time. And above all, love them the way they’d like to be loved.
4. Assumptions
Assumption they say, is the least form of knowledge. Communication will make your relationship work. How? Communication would help to clear assumptions.
That’s why it’s important to communicate your love language to your partner. Have those difficult conversations together, and don’t leave the other partner out.
Set goals together. Intentionally communicate about everything. And above all, see that break-up as the last decision to make after all has been done.
5. Appreciation
This cannot be overemphasized. Appreciate the efforts of your partner, no matter how insignificant it may appear. Celebrate their small wins. Appreciate their efforts to get rid of a bad habit. Compliment their look, their way of speaking, cooking skills, etc.
To make your relationship work, you should also praise your partner’s strengths and not dwell too much on their faults. Always calling them out when they do wrong and never praising them when they do right could hurt them deeply. It could make them believe the lie that they are not worthy or deserving of you, because they keep giving you an avenue to complain or correct them.
Don’t rub their weaknesses in their face. Constantly affirm their strengths to them. Praise them when they succeed at something and cheer them up when they also fail.
But there should be a balance. Don’t focus too much on what they are doing wrong neither should you turn a blind eye to whatever it is that they are doing.
Don’t forget to give them genuine accolades. Don’t flatter them. Give them honest reviews or compliments.
6. Don’t be controlling, allow them grow
Allow your partner be himself or herself and stop trying to forcefully determine the trajectory of their life. To make your relationship work, you should not be manipulative neither should you be controlling. Allow your partner some breathing space.
Allow them grow at their own pace. When you are controlling, there’s the tendency for your partner to start walking on eggshells and put up a pretentious front before you. Instead of controlling them, be open to their point of view also, and try to reason with them as much as you can.
Finally, if other relationships are not working, bear in mind that you can make yours work.
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