The best and most effective approach to stop arguing is to refuse to take part in arguments in the first place. When you engage in constant arguments with your child, over time they will begin to believe they’re your peer and have the power to challenge you. The more powerful they think they are, and the more arguing gets them what they want, the more they will use arguing as a way to solve their problems.
It’s important to learn how to manage this type of behaviour in your kids. One of the best ways to manage it is to understand that you can’t win an argument with your child by arguing because you lose once you allow yourself to get dragged into the argument in the first place. These are some ways to stop arguing with your child.
1. Understand what triggers you
The first step in changing this pattern with your child is to know yourself and know your triggers. What pushes your buttons easily? There may even be times of the day when arguments seem to happen more easily. Maybe in your case, it’s the morning rush to get everyone out of the house. Be aware of those times and plan around them.
2. Understand the patterns that lead to arguments
Once you see that fighting with your child has become a pattern, you need to stop in your tracks and re-evaluate how you’re interacting with them.
- What happens right before you start arguing?
- How does it happen?
- What’s the sequence of events that often leads to the argument?
- Are there trigger words, trigger requests, or trigger times of day for you?
Answering these questions will help you have that insight you need, so the next time you’re there with your child, you’ll be able to stop yourself. Remember, no one ever usually “wins” an argument. Instead, it’s really about what gets avoided through arguing. And what your child generally wants to avoid are consequences, limits, and being held accountable for their behaviour.
3. Let your child know you are making changes
Once you’ve realized that you have a certain pattern with your child and you’ve decided that you’re going to change it, let your child know that you’re not going to give in to these arguments anymore. Depending on the age of your child, you can even say something like:
“I’m going to work on not arguing anymore. It doesn’t work for us. The next time this comes up, I am going to ask you to go to your room until we both calm down and can talk.”
4. Act the way you want your child to act
Your kids are watching you. You can teach your children not to argue by acting differently with them. When you start interacting differently by not arguing, you’re going to teach your kids a different way of communicating. You’re role modeling, and you’re offering a different pattern of communication.
Remember, your behaviour teaches your kids more than your words do.
5. Don’t take it personally
Sometimes arguments are hurtful because someone escalates and says something mean or cruel. As a parent, if you can take those words your child hurls at you less personally, it can be immensely helpful.
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