Dear Yemisi,
I have followed your programme for some time and I find it interesting because your solutions are practical and logical.
I finished the National Youth Service Corps Scheme this last April. I am liking my younger sister’s friend who is in her second year in the university. I was able to establish contact with her through my sister, but the issue there now is that I don’t really know what she has in mind though I have not told her my intentions because she does not really create time for us to see, she does not even call. I am the one that do the calling. We have only seen once and I don’t think I did badly for a first date.
Communicating with her is a little difficult as she is not forthcoming.
What should I do? Should I lay low or continue with my proposal? I like her, it seems she does not want to give in. I would love it if you can reply me.
Jo.
Dear Jo,
It is too early for you to start to exercise anxiety over an issue that you have not actually raised or discussed with this lady of yours.
No doubt, you are seriously in love with this your sister’s friend but you have to take a step at a time so as not to fall on the banana peel early in the relationship that is yet to be established talk less defined. You have to belabour yourself if this relationship of yours with her is bound to gel.
You have told me that you have just finished your national service just four months ago which means that your speaking up with the girl could not have been more than two months. As the lady is an undergraduate, she might have so many things asking for her absolute concentration hence her failure in not communicating with you as you expect.
Don’t forget that it is you who wants to have her and you must be ready to sacrifice a lot of things in terms of time, money for recharge cards among other things that will facilitate your regular communication.
As long as you have not been able to tell her what your intention are then you have no reason to begin to blame her for not deeming it fit to give you a reply to your calls. If indeed you like her, give her time to express her feelings to you by coming out of her shell.
From the tone of your letter it seems as if you are a first timer, you need to learn the robes so as not to get frustrated in the process. Ensure you get to meet with her if the two of you are in the same city, even if she stays on campus you should arrange with her for an audience with you.
There are two options available, it is either she reciprocate your intention positively or negatively. You can not force down your intention her throat if you don’t sound convincing enough to go the whole hog for you. Just ensure you display some maturity in marshalling your intention known to her.
Keep on trying to get her to speak her mind without any coercion. If her mind is with you, she will naturally fall in line, but you need to give each other enough time.
In case you are not bold to face her, your sister can do the sounding out on your behalf without offending her senses. The possible feedback from your sister will give you the lead as to how to tackle the issue.
and then