SCENARIO: I was caught in the mess of a one night stand with my long time male friend after sharing a drink with him. Should I go ahead to tell my husband who finds it difficult to forgive and forget? How should I handle the situation without ruining my marriage and the future of my children?
On WhatsApp Conversation, these are what those who joined the conversation and our expert said on the issue:
There is nothing difficult for God to do. If such partner could go back to God and confess genuinely and seriously ask for forgiveness then, she can now ask God to help her first touch her hubby’s heart, before confessing to her husband because marriage can never succeed without God steering the marriage voyage! Since it is God that instituted marriage to fulfill His mission and purpose over man on earth!
Yusuf Sikiru Taiye
I strongly believe that honesty, transparency and open door policy are key to the success of every marriage and whichever relationship is built on this principle will not give room for doubt. For the lady, she knows her husband’s mumu bottom and where, when and how to present the case to him which no doubt will not only forgive her but also embrace her. There is no reason for any one in marriage to indulge in telling lies to their partners.
What if I say that you should not tell him and the friend you did this with decides to blackmail you. I believe you should pray about it, seek for God’s forgiveness. Then pray to God to soften his heart towards you. It is not a one day prayer. Pray consistently and make sure you hear from God before you go ahead to tell him.
Salau Hauwanat Olawunmi
Certain things are better left unsaid. As regards Regina’s infidelity, my take is that she should not tell her husband considering his unforgiving nature. Even if he is quick to forgive and forget, it may not apply to a matter like this. I advice she first of all forgives herself and ask for same from God. She should totally stay away from the guy, not seeing him again, who and whatsoever connected to him, block him on all social media platforms. She should then properly put herself together and try to rectify the loopholes in her marriage that led to her cheating on her husband. Work on this inadequacies with your husband where need be.
Most importantly, she needs to be intimate with her husband even if it would cost taking him on dates and all, she should voluntarily take up this responsibility. She should also talk to her husband on areas she isn’t satisfied with.
Finally, she should promise herself and be intentional about never returning to the home breaker and strongly keep to this. May she find the comfort that may be lacking in her marriage.
Honestly, I still believe total honesty in marriage is important and Godly! Even the Bible says ordinary Christians should confess their faults one to another, how much more in marriage. So, she should, and also back it up with prayer.
It’s better not to tell him. I learnt never to divulge things to guys. They act like it doesn’t matter but deep down it matters. Don’t do it again. Forgive yourself. Get him a gift for no reason and pray for him when he’s collecting it.
Adultery should not be condoned in any way; she should confess to her husband then rely on the grace for God’s forgiveness. Rather than saying she should ask the holy spirit to arrest her innocent husband after she desecrated their marital vows.
Even religious wise, you’re not to tell your past to anyone but God, in as much as you’ve asked for His forgiveness and didn’t go back to your sin.
Don’t even try to tell him. You will regret it. Guys don’t forgive cheating. I repeat, guys don’t forgive cheating.
Many guys don’t forgive cheating, but a few do. So I will strongly advise you not to mention it at all if you know your man. But at the long run, if it comes out in the open, deny it. When we all die, let God judge. But seek forgiveness from God and forgive yourself completely.
Kemi Akinbobola, a marriage counsellor is our expert on this issue. I tell couples that it is not what you are confessing that is the big deal but who you want to confess it to. A spouse who is not mature to handle ‘the what of an issue’ will ruin everything. If from past experiences, the immature spouse will always taunt and use your short comings against you, some matters will have to remain with the offender forever. This should not make Regina jump into her ex’s arms next time, in fact she should block every contact with this guy who knows she is married and still sticks around. How the husband has reacted to such issues in the past will help her decide whether to speak up or remain silent.
Next week on WhatsApp Conversation, we would be treating: How will you cope with your partner who have a different sexual orientation from yours?
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