Re: What can I do to get out of this mess?

In case you might have forgotten the story of the worried woman published two weeks ago asking for your pieces of advice on what she can do to get out of the mess she got herself into. She got married normally as expected only for the man to turn into another being after having three children with no job. When the woman got fed up with the prevailing situation in her home she asked for your words of wisdom. Here is an excerpt from her letter:

‘For six years, I have bored my destiny in my hands. I take care of the children and pay their school fees. I have often counselled my husband to think of what he can do. Instead of coming up with ideas that can change his status, he keeps asking for sex at every point in time whenever I am at home.

‘I always oblige him, but I am getting fed up with his insatiable thirst for sex as we keep having it unprotected. He keeps sounding it to my hearing that I must not tell him that I am pregnant, yet he has refused to use a condom. Even when he was duly employed, the only commitment to the family is food allowance. He is fond of saying that he does not believe in paying the school fees of his children aside their other needs because he is of the school of thought that when children grow up, they often take care of their mothers and not their fathers’.

Below are some of the pieces of counsel received.

Dear Worried Woman, This issue is not as complex as you think. To maintain your sanity, leave with your kids. Take care of yourself and your children. If possible, leave for another town, state or country. If the guy chooses to come back to his senses all well and good. If not, fine. Life must go on. Posterity will judge you rightly. Staying in such a marriage is not advisable. Run before it is too late. You owe yourself and the innocent kids this, Folake Aremu, 08033952185.

Madam, do not count your in-laws’ sin against them, still tolerate your husband’s sexual overtures.  In love, encourage your husband, to redefine himself, his opportunities are not foreclosed, don’t nag him and pray more. Joblessness places once a responsible man in a precarious situation, in spite of all these flaws, show love to them. In case of physical violence, seek for a counsellor’s relevant intervention. I pray that God will release fresh wine in your home, 08033901451.

Worried Woman, I describe this allegation as name dropping. You should not have accommodated belligerence. I mean to deny him sex. Please, set a good procedure to avoid anarchy, Jide Obokun, 07057546281.

Worried Woman, keep being nice and humble towards your husband, God will surely intervene for He makes everything beautiful in his time. Your faith is being tested. Keep being prayerful, never use abusive words on him. God will restore your husband’s life and give him a bigger job. You will smile this year. Keep praising God. 2018 is your year. For with God, everything is possible. God will turn your mess to message for He is interested in cases that look messy, Israel, 0807434 8429.

Dear Worried Woman, the experience that you have shared with Dear Yemisi to me is not a pleasant one, though yours is not the first neither is it the last, I must commend you for keeping quiet thus far hoping for a better tomorrow. But if you ask me, I am of the view that you have your life to live, nobody can live it for you. If only you can consider your children’s future, you will think of an urgent measure to remain sane at all costs. Relocating to a separate environment that is unknown to neither his people nor yours will save the day temporarily. It is the living that can only tell the story of how they overcame. And as you think of doing this, don’t deny him access to his children and never compromise your faith. With time and prayers, he will realize where he got it wrong and make amends, EniolaYemi, Gbede, Kogi State.

Dear Worried Woman, firstly, I would like to congratulate you for being patient till now. Jehovah God will take care of your children. My candid advice to you is that you should not disclose this problem of yours to any religious leader of whatsoever faith (pastor, imam, traditionalist or what have you) You have your own God in you. I am equally of the opinion that if you could lay your hand on this relationship book, Think and Grow, it will tell you the exact steps you should take to get your husband lovely and lively life back. I pray that God will heal your heart, Abraham Olafimihan Awolola, [email protected].

Dear Worried Woman, your dire-straits situation was self-imposed. At 23, you forced yourself on this man. He is not interested in and will not ensure the future of the children educationally. Without education, would he have qualified to become an insurance expert? It is clear you are not wanted in that family. Your in-laws showed it early except that you were perversely heady and lacked wisdom. His excuses are unreasonable nor tenable, indeed foolish! That he has turned you into sex object is worrisome and barbaric. You seem very cheap. He should be told to seek for such hide-outs where MEN not women are paid for sex if that would bring in money to cater for his responsibilities and satisfy his lust but give you respite. Ladies terminate any courtship where the in-laws are not happy with the relationship. You cannot change anyone, not even a leopard! So separate yourself and report him at the welfare to secure self and children, Bright O, 08139152222.

Dear Worried Woman, my candid advice for you is the get yourself and children separated from this man for the time being. He is only capitalising on your being nice and always dancing to his tune whenever occasions demanded. He is not ready for now to change his attitude. When he realises that he is on his own with nobody to speak with, I think he will change his ways and stage a comeback, Anonymous.