JAMB: Let’s behead all who stabbed us

I wrote my first JAMB in 1983. I got 74. Yes, only 74. That was what JAMB gave me, definitely not what I scored. I sat for the examination in Osun State. JAMB’s office was on Hawksworth Street, Ikoyi, Lagos. I was only 16 but off I went to Lagos. There was no internet or social media to deploy for help or lamentations. We relied on physical investigation.

Long story short, it was discovered that of the four subjects that I ‘shaded’ the answer sheets for, only my English Language result was released. My scores for Literature, History, and Bible Knowledge got missing in transit. That explained the measly 74 marks. It was a tortuous journey, both physically and emotionally. I was two teachers’ daughter. I was Assistant Senior Prefect. I was the best student in six subjects (I still have my awards). And then I couldn’t pass JAMB! Of course, I cried endlessly. I lost one year but I got into Great Ife meritoriously the following year to study what I wanted to study — English Studies.

Lesson of my story?

In that one academic year that I spent at home while my peers were off to the university, I wrote one essay every day. I came up with ‘booklets’ of WAEC-question essays which I bound and kept for years. My siblings read them. My parents were proud of my work. Four decades, 42 years later, I am still writing, writing for a living, writing for fun, writing for my future, lesson of my story?

There is no lost year. Tell your children that, dear parents. Whether your children wrote the last JAMB or are preparing to write it next year, their results should not and must not be allowed to break their spirit. There are many roads that lead to the market of success in life, and UTME is just one of them. You do not fall down and stay on the ground just because you could not get to the market at the same time everybody got there. No, you get up, dust yourself and go to the damn (pardon me) market. The market is not going anywhere. It will be there even tomorrow. Just like the universities and polytechnics.

Dear parents, do not tell your children that their lives will end if they fail their UTME — because their lives won’t end. Passing examinations is good, and I am definitely not saying failure is an option. But we parents and guardians need to do better in this department — this emotion and psychology department.

In the course of my career as a journalist, I conducted a few interviews that reset my worldview on certain subjects. Because of lack of space, I will mention only two names: Senator Orji Uzor Kalu and Mrs. Adenike Ogunlesi of Ruff n’ Tumble. Both of them found success — lasting, resounding success — in paths different from their peers. Kalu, or OUK as we fondly call him, didn’t achieve fame or wealth because he went to the university when his peers, former governors or serving Senators did. He attended the university later, long after he employed dozens of university graduates. Kalu’s story is long, inspiring, and interesting. Go on and read what he did to make his first one million naira before he was 21 — and without first writing JAMB too.

Mrs. Adenike Ogunlesi is the owner of Ruff n’ Tumble, Nigeria’s largest children’s clothes chain. In an interview years ago, she told me how she put her admission into the university on hold to pursue her passion for fashion. And instead of setting up a fashion house to make five-star kaftans and bespoke dresses, she opted for children’s clothes. What she started 35 years ago from the boot of her car now has 17 retail outlets across Africa and beyond. Has she acquired a university degree since she left Zaria decades ago? Yes, she has. She has gone to Harvard and she is probably fending off a couple of honorary doctorate offers as you read this.

Those who say “education na scam” are illiterates who are high on all kinds of concoctions bottled and sold in motor parks. Every child should get an education. Every child must go to school. But in 2025, your child needs a skill in addition to his degree. If all our children are raised to believe that a first or second degree will ensure or assure their success, fame, and wealth, we will all end, most likely, with “a story that touches the heart.” And those ones always end in tears.

So let’s stop the wrong pressure. Today’s children are too delicate, always talking about their mental health and depression. Their pain threshold is almost zilch. Those are not children to experiment with or give unsound, unresearched expectations and hope. They were born brilliant. They are just not as emotionally strong as their parents. We will revisit our own over-parenting weaknesses later.

Today’s world, from Nigeria to Australia, is shifting from just certificate qualification to skill acquisition. A degree in computer science is good, but being an ICT wizard in product design (UI/UX), brand or graphic design is better. Front/Back End developers and data analysts are cashing out. One year of consistent learning, according to the young people I spoke to, can fetch your daughter a dollar-denominated income, working from home.

Do you see where I’m coming from or going to? That your son or ward did not pass one university admission exam means he has one year to acquire any skill of his choice — from technology to tying gele or learning Mandarin or Igbo. That he did not get to the market at the same time with his classmates does not mean he has been left behind. Like in the early 1990s when every job advertised had the special clause “an MBA is an added advantage,” today’s smart young people will tell you that a skill is an added advantage to a bachelor or master degree. Whether your ward is going to live here in Nigeria (where the nine-to-five jobs have dried up) or relocate abroad (where too many Nigerians are carers and glorified shopkeepers), an added skill will add to their life advantages.

For those who are asking for the scrapping of JAMB and the head of its registrar, Professor Oloyede, may I respectfully disagree and say we need to get truckloads of guns — preferably AK-47s — to do a good job. Since we are in house-cleaning mode, then all heads of agencies who have recorded glitches or let Nigeria down must go.

Let’s do real spring cleaning. We must behead all those who stabbed us in the back, abbreviated our destinies, turned our first-class students to second-class citizens who now clean the butts of the descendants of the men who enslaved their ancestors.

Let’s start with Education. Ministries of Education, state and federal — all agencies therein — which one has done well? Which one has improved on the system that educated them and us and given our children something better than we got?

Professor Ishaq Oloyede came out to apologize for what went wrong with the 2025 UTME JAMB conducted and we must have his head. He actually apologized.

In the past, when we protested, Oloyede’s colleagues in other agencies just shrugged, adjusted their starched caps and agbada, jumped into the vehicles you and I bought for them, and zoomed off. As if to say, “Y’all can go off yourselves!”

So, when are we going to use the heads of all ministries and agencies in charge of our bad roads to drink koko and akamu? Bad roads everywhere — in your state, my state, and the roads linking all the states. Did you hear any apologies lately from anybody about the bad roads in Nigeria? When last did your flight depart on time from any airport in Nigeria unless you are doing the 6am first flight? How many times has your 3pm flight become 9pm?

JAMB called it glitch. The airlines call it operational reasons.

If they apologize on Monday, they repeat the offense on Tuesday. Don’t we need to ask them to submit their heads at Ogun’s shrine?

Maybe we should even scrap the aviation ministry altogether along with all its agencies and start trekking from Lagos to Aba. Roads are bad. Air is bad. Let’s just trek. What do you think?

And our almighty power sector and those who have been in charge in the last 40 years — what should we do to them? Don’t laugh and don’t run away. We all complain of grid collapse, power outage, noise pollution, generator economy, overbilling — or is it banditry billing? Yet no one has gone on national TV to show remorse. Or did I miss anything?

I have seen and heard of the number of megawatts that will be added for years, but I have graduated, like many Nigerians, from petrol generator to diesel engines and then to inverter and now solar panel. We did not scrap all power agencies 20 years ago. I think we can do it now.

Each time a minister or commissioner for Agriculture is sworn in in Nigeria — be honest — what crosses your mind? Each time you see Agric agencies’ brand-new Toyota Hilux vans zoom past, how do you feel? This hungry country has Agriculture executives wearing designer ties and drinking coffee in air-conditioned offices and they have — have had — no apologies for ages.

Indeed, what exactly is working here?

Professor Ishaq Oloyede came to JAMB and raised the bar. Then the glitches that we experience every day happened once — and we want to scrap the agency. What happened was painful, but from bad roads to agriculture and aviation that fly us into a rage all the time, how is it that it is JAMB we want to scrap?