ONE major reason for marriage, aside companionship, is procreation. These days, birth control is another major decision taken in marriage, mostly after couples have reached the number of children they intended to have. This is achieved when both parties agree on what kind of birth control to adopt and on the duration of the control as well. This shows how crucial such a practice is to most marriages. Hence, how would you react to your partner using birth control without your consent?
On WhatsApp Conversation, these are what those who joined the conversation and our expert said on the issue.
If my husband had birth control without my consent, which probably was vasectomy—that is the only birth control for men that requires surgery—then there would be problem. First, I would ask questions: Why did he do it without letting me know? Bearing in mind that vasectomy is a permanent way of not getting a woman pregnant, I would consult good doctors to know the chances of reversing it which is probably not possible. If after the consultations we find out nothing could be done about it, I would have to look for alternative ways to get pregnant. Moreover, this also depends whether or not we have children prior to his birth control act. If it was done after we might have had children, there is no problem—so long I still love him. But, if it was before, then I would leave the marriage. One man cannot render me useless.
At first, I might be angry because our future children are at stake. Therefore, a joint decision is necessary. However, let us be honest, babies are only fine in diapers. So, in case we urgently need babies, we would just do the necessary things which would lead to it.
I would feel hurt, betrayed. Then, I would ask why he did it. Based on his reaction and explanation, I would know what next to do. Here, I mean his countenance when answering the query—you know you could sometimes read people from their countenance. More so, I would not trust such a person again. Since marriage is a lifetime contract, all I could do is keep appealing to his conscience and make him see reason to change his stand.
Honestly, I would feel very bad when I discover about it. But, I believe such could only happen in a union where there is no proper communication during courtship. Hence, the couple needs to weigh their options to know what to do next. This is not infidelity. Except the man is not sensitive, the lady would have been passing the message across. I believe she would have mentioned it but the man may be thinking she would change her mind. Most often, that is what always happens. And, it could be either way.
If my wife uses a birth control without my consent, I would not take that as an offence because, from day one of our marriage, we would have agreed on how many children we would have and the time spacing between them. You know women are always at the receiving end, which results to pregnancy. So, once the number of children is met, she might be the one to remember—which might not even occur to the man. Once our demands are met in respect with the number of children agreed on, I would only smile over it if I discover. But, if there is no child yet and we are looking up to one, and then I found out she has been using a birth control, I could be very violent. It means I am the only one praying in the marriage for children, and nothing we do together as a couple could result to pregnancy.
I would be angry and I would express my anger. But, I would want to know why he had birth control without my consent. To avoid all these annoying things. it is one of the issues I would address during courtship.
It actually happened to me. But, it was taken in good faith. However, it is rare to see a man opting for permanent birth control apart from the normal use of condoms, which could be our joint agreement—because my husband would not use condoms with me if I do not agree to it. But, vasectomy? Never, for no reason my husband would even dare do it without my consent because he does not solely own his reproductive organ once we have been joined as husband and wife. So, I see no reason why he would do that. However, if it happens after the birth of our proposed children, there is no problem. But, if it is before then, I would not live with a castrated human being.
Olubanke Olaojo, a counselor and psychologist, is our expert on this issue. She noted that as a married person, opting for birth control means you do not have plans of having children. Hence, taking such a step without prior notice of your spouse is dangerous. As such, it is tantamount to deceiving your partner who wants or cherishes children. Birth control should be used on agreement. It could be for a while, perhaps due to the nature of your jobs or health. However, the scenario here shows that the person is full of deception and they want to eat their cake and have it. They may be having affairs, hence, not ready for children.
Next week on WhatsApp Conversation, we would be treating: Would you accept an illegitimate child into your marriage?
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