THE growing level of extra marital affairs and lack of sexual fulfillment in marriage have become worrisome to many ardent believers in the marriage institution. This fact can be collaborated by the religious attention sex matters draw in the societies of the world today, especially among the married. If you want to catch the attention of the married today, merely mentioning the word ‘sex’ will perform the magic. That is why no marriage talk, workshop, seminar, conference or couples’ hang out will be complete without a discuss about sex.
This situation has made one to wonder if the marriage institution is not failing, giving the fact that, across denominations of religions and societies of the world, one of the major reasons for marriage contract is sexual fulfillment. Yet, many couples don’t enjoy sex in the marriage setting. It is either suffering and smiling, or engaging in extra marital affairs, with the notion of “I cannot come and die.” While many reasons abound for this sexual marital challenge, our focus will be on the impact of finances of the husbands on sexual pleasure.
I have discovered that the growing loss of financial power by husbands, given the Nigerian experience, has made many husbands to be sexually under-performing. With less financial power, many wives have little or no regard for their husbands any more. This should not be surprising given the popular sayings that, ‘only he who pays the piper dictates the tune’ of the music. So the scenario has become, ‘more money, more sex’, and vice versa. Does it mean money drives wives? That is like stating the obvious, especially to the husbands. Even wives who live in denial of this fact know that money cannot take the back stage in marriage.
That is why many husbands will work themselves silly to make money for the pleasure of their families. This has its negative impact on the sex lives of couples: little attention is devoted by such husbands to sex matters at home, thus making sexual pleasure a mirage for their wives, who are left with two options of ‘suffering and smiling’ or extra marital affairs, even with seemingly impossible male figures (drivers, housekeepers, close family friends and relations, among others).
Another dimension to the issue is when there is loss of financial power, verbal bashing from wives make such victim husbands to develop less sexual urge. One man said his wife told him one day, upon requesting for sex, ‘’It is only sex power you have, no money power.’’ Another husband said his wife told him ’’With this your haggard looking frame, AIDS test is a condition for sex between us.’’ Such comments abound, and what they lead to is loss of sexual interest in such wives. One man told me that he virtually lost his sexual urge the day wife made one of such negative comments about him. So, loss of financial power by husbands affects their sexual performance in the marriage. After all, sex is first and foremost, a thing of the mind.
Not only is this verbal assault an issue. For the serious minded husbands, loss of financial power leading to low self esteem is also a factor in low sexual performance. To such husbands, loss of financial power is a loss of happiness; and if the mind is troubled, sexual interest drops, since sex is a thing of the mind. Can we now see that husbands and wives, we have a problem.
What are the solutions?
- Wives must watch their tongues in such bad times.
- Wives must develop extra energy to draw the husbands out of low self esteem.
- Wives should not lord things over the husbands. After all, when the money was there, he was responsible. Don’t use the fact that you now have to shoulder the bulk or all of the financial responsibility as an opportunity to become a boss to your husband.
- Wives must do all not to get touchy due to the financial pressure in order to avoid incessant conflicts at home. Being at the receiving end of poor financing, the pressure is bound to get at you sometimes. So, develop a pressure control therapy to deal with the situation
- Husbands should not also become moody, touchy and play the victim each time there is an issue. Don’t always claim, ‘It’s not your fault.’ Also, avoid becoming abusive even in the face of provocation. Because sex is a thing of the mind, your wife’s sexual response may not be readily available due to financial burden. Don’t always take offence about this. Rather, you should show understanding about the situation, and learn how to work on her mind, for you to get what you want from her.
It is a precarious situation both of you will have to learn to handle with wisdom, till the situation improves, or you overcome. My prayers are with you as you work to overcome, or prevent such a situation. For information about my book enjoying great sex life, call 0811658560.