A troop of monkeys once approached God for deliverance from the affliction that made them monkeys. The monkeys were worried that in spite of their self-believed intelligence, the human race failed to accord them any respect. They were of the opinion that if they could look like humans, they would get their deserved respect. God listened to them and assured them that he would re-mould them to be like human beings. He set to work and prepared a potion in the form of a lotion. To make the potion efficient, God breathed into the lotion and approved its potency. The monkeys were then summoned by God, who instructed them on how to apply the lotion on their bodies. The only caution was that the lotion must be applied at a crossroads. In Yoruba mythology, Esu, the trickster, is believed to live at crossroads (Esu oni›le orita).
The monkeys took the pot of lotion to the crossroads as instructed. But then, they decided to vary the directive. Instead of applying the lotion immediately and becoming humans, Esu asked them to first dance around the community to announce to the human race that very soon, every monkey in the neigbourhood would look like human beings. The monkeys even took Esu›s advice beyond what the trickster said. They decided, in addition to their dance of imminent victory, to blame the human race for their past woes. They held a rally from the breaking of the day to the setting of the sun. While at it, Esu caused the sun to be at its brightest and hottest. The element obeyed. Within hours, the lotion evaporated. Evening came and the jubilant monkeys returned to their pot of lotion. Alas! They met a dry pot. It was too late. Then the scramble began. Each monkey tried to outdo the next. They were only able to get enough lotion to rub on their faces. The pot had dried up while they were dancing and blaming the human race. The only resemblance monkeys have today, close to the human race, is their faces. Even those ones have remained as ugly as oddity! Time has always been of essence in life
This is a new year. I hate to start the year in a very pessimistic way. I was in the church for the crossover night. We were asked to confess positive things to the bowel of the year 2022. I did like other congregants. I was equally present at the first Sunday thanksgiving service. I believe in all the positive prophecies of a better Nigeria in 2022. That should be the desire of anyone who has lived in the physical hell that the nation has been turned to. But beyond that, I believe more in the reality of our present situation as a nation. The reality today in Nigeria is a very grave situation. Our predilection for positive prophecies notwithstanding, the situation we are in now is in the opposite direction. We should live with that fact, if we desire the best nation as we all want to profess. It is the reality of the times we are in that provoked the story above.
President Muhammadu Buhari spoke in Maiduguri on Thursday, December 30, 2021- some 48 hours to the close of the year. He assured Nigerians that he would use the remaining 17 months of his tenure to do his best for the nation. The only beautiful thing about the retired General›s outing in Borno State is the fact that he realised that he has just 17 months left.
Hear him “I know I swore by the Constitution, and I will leave in 17 months. I pray that the person that will take over from us will also follow the targets of securing the country and building the economy. Without securing the country, you cannot grow the economy”. He acknowledged that Nigeria is a «great country» and accepted also that God blessed the country with «so many resources», which needed to be developed. He then urged Nigerians to rate his government, using the parameters of what the nation›s economy, security and the level of corruption were before he came in. He asked us to juxtapose that with what is obtainable today in the segments he listed. Without waiting for our appraisal, the president assured us that the military would come down hard on the insurgents in the North-West and stabilise the region. He based his new confidence on the new military hardware his administration just acquired.
His spokesman, Femi Adesina, amplifying his master›s new found strength and confidence, boasted that his boss could end insurgency before the end of his tenure in 2023; that is in 17 months time. Adesina, who shares the same Christian faith as I do, said: «Those who are behind this insurgency will be taken out… and it will get to a point that the last of them will be taken out, and then we’ll get to the end of it. It can be done within 17 months that remains for this administration”. That is raw confidence coming from the master and his official publicist. That is exactly where the problem lies. Without wasting time, I tell you right away that I don’t believe that Buhari actually wanted a genuine appraisal of his administration. With the confidence of 17-month magic exhibited by Adesina, it is very obvious that for the past six years and seven months, Buhari has been listening to only those things that would delight him. That he even asked us to appraise him and his government on economy, security and corruption, tells us how detached and alienated he has been all the while. And he could not have been otherwise as he is surrounded by aides like Adesina and the rest of the hawks who hover round Aso Rock, who will never venture to tell him that his people, the same ones that gave him the mandate twice, are dying of hunger! They will never tell him that a bag of rice, the nation›s most popular food item, now sells for N28, 000 in a nation where the minimum wage is N30,000, which some states haven›t even bothered to implement. They will never tell him that the roads, streets and corners of Nigeria are now flowing with the blood of innocent citizens who are mowed down by criminals who have remained untouchable! Pray, who will tell our dear president that on those three self- appointed deliverables, he has recorded nothing but abysmal failure!
Here is a government, which like the monkeys above, spent the first four years of its tenure blaming everybody except himself. After the 2015 election, Buhari went into a state of coma for over six months before he could assemble a cabinet. And when the ministers came on board, those ones merely took the baton from their master and went on an uninterrupted sleep. Less than a year after coming into power, those who expended their goodwill to help the Daura General into power became disillusioned. A few of them with good conscience backed out immediately, shouting scam. Others, who genuinely believed that the «previous government left behind a huge rot», held on, hoping that the desired changes would come even if the principal chose not to lift a finger.
As the second tenure election drew closer in 2019, the administration, like our proverbial monkeys, went to the Nigerian God and asked for the magic lotion that would give the administration a semblance of good governance. Yet, when they got the nod for the second opportunity and were given the lotion in terms of a redeeming second term in office, Buhari, his cabinet and other hangers on, went on a victory dance and blame game. Now, 17 months to go, they have returned to the lotion pot at the crossroads scavenging for quick-fix solutions to the deep rot foisted on the nation. Ask, is there still any drop of lotion left in the pot that can make this government redeem its effete performance since 2015? While we ponder on that, let me ask again: does Buhari really have 17 months left? I answer the two questions with a capital NO. Why?
I don’t want to question the faith of Adesina in his assertion that Buhari could end insurgency within the 17 months left for his government. But, I know one thing for sure: whatever Buhari›s teeth pressed in the last six years and seven months that did not cry out in pain, his fingernails cannot now make it to wink in agony. A government that spent six years and seven months preparing for madness has no madness left to display in 17 months. Maybe Adesina is talking about the insurgency in Buhari›s enclave of North-West region. If he has such a limited focus, I daresay that it is very unfortunate. The naked truth staring us in the face is that there is no part of Nigeria today that is safe, free and calm. If it was possible for Buhari to take out the insurgents in the North-West, what about their cousins tagged bandits? If he succeeded in taking care of those ones, what about their nephews called killer herdsmen? What will he do about kidnappers, who have left the highways and now operate in the cities, towns and villages? Does Adesina not realise that the first step into taking out insurgents and ending the killings in the North West and any part of the country is by declaring bandits, kidnappers and killer herdsmen as terrorists? How many times has Buhari been asked to do that to no avail?
Regarding the claim of 17 months as the remaining days for the Buhari administration to end; who told Adesina and anyone who shares the same sentiment that this administration has 17 months left? Are we not in the year 2022 already? Between now and April, the Buhari All Progressive Congress (APC) would have conducted its much postponed national convention. We don’t need a soothsayer to tell us that the event will come with a lot of wahala. Out of the ‘magic 17 months’, Buhari, as the leader of the party, will spend a minimum of two months settling “family issues of the APC”. Then the nomination for the party’s presidential candidate will commence. Does the situation in the APC today indicate that such a nomination will be a tea party, where all the aspirants will just shake hands, embrace one another and move on as “one big family”? Even for the sake of argument, let us accept that there will be no acrimony and the candidate will emerge “smoothly”, won’t Buhari join his party to campaign around the country? How many months will that take out of Adesina›s «17 months»?
The truth, which Buhari and his men don’t want to accept, is embedded in the admonition that “a dried palm front is tied early in the morning”. It is gratifying that the Buhari administration’s monkeys want to look like human beings (have a semblance of governance). But the unfortunate truth is that the lotion at the crossroads has long dried up while the government threw tantrums and blamed everyone but itself! More unfortunately for the government, it happens that it is its own Esu, clothed in the garbs of bad advisers, ethnic bigotry and needless pigheadedness that tricked it into embarking on a needless dance of «victory and blame game».
Lest I forget: Happy New Year folks!
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