THERE is a popular scriptural saying: “Marriage is honourable in all and the bed undefiled, but whoremonger and adulterers God will judge.” This shows how marriage is a sacred institution as well as how the bed should be honoured. Hence with the above assertion, could you forgive your spouse after catching him/her in your matrimonial bed with his/her lover?
On WhatsApp Conversation, these are what those who joined the conversation and our expert said on the issue:
This would be hard. Things like these are not easy to decide when they have not happened. Extra marital affair? On my matrimonial bed? That means the love is gone. If not, I think he should not have thought of bringing his mistress home—it would have been an out thing. There seems to be no more respect for the institution of marriage. Forgiveness may come, but it would be hard to forget. If I could lay aside the sin, forgive and be able to trust again, then we are ready to go. However, if I cannot trust him again, there is no essence of continuing with the marriage.
I cannot forgive her. Matrimonial bed is a sacred place. Since we made a vow to be couple, we are meant to do away with our ‘exes’. Any lover found on my matrimonial bed would die there.
Once I caught her, it is over between us. Someone who could do that could as well kill me. Inasmuch as she could not respect our matrimonial bed, she is gone. Even if it is not our matrimonial bed, once I caught her, it is over. But, I know my woman would not try that.
I cannot forgive him. Even if I do, I would not forget it. It is one thing for him to confess to me that he cheated—I could live with that, at least he was being truthful. It is another thing for me to catch him in the act—that I cannot forgive. The image would forever be in my head. I cannot forget it. Plus, that is disrespectful
The heart forgives, but the mind would not forget. Though it is not easy, that person must have done something beyond reasonable doubt for both of you to become one. The truth is even if you revenge, you would not feel satisfied. This is no game or joke. It is real life. He or she did what was wrong. Personally, could forgive. However, the trust level would definitely reduce.
It is absolutely hard to forgive. I am even still trying to process it. My husband on ‘our’ matrimonial bed with his lover? So, I am what then? Even if I forgive, I cannot forget. I would ask for a divorce so he could be with his lover. Adultery is a good ground for divorce under the law.
I would forgive because of the love I have for her. I would then have a heart-to-heart talk on where I have failed in my responsibility and what made her do such.
Well, if she truly repents and we talk it through, I could still forgive her. On the other hand, it might be long before my heart would heal.
Easier said than done. Frankly speaking, as a woman, one would forgive but would not forget. For men, they can neither forget nor forgive. But, they could use wisdom or take some time to retaliate.
I would forgive and try to forget. Then, I would sit her down and have a heartfelt talk with her. Who knows—maybe I am the cause of her reaction. You cannot judge the content of a book by its cover.
For men, forgiveness would not happen instantly, talk less of forgetting. It would not be easy at all.
Babatunde Gbenga, a sociologist and pastor, is our expert on this issue. He said, True love is something that is very difficult to find. What makes a marriage is not just love and affection you have for each other. In addition to love, you must also like each other beyond words. To be objective, irrespective of our different cultures and religions, true love, though very scarce to come by, could hold a home together not minding the faults of the other spouse. Most times, we are quick to opt for divorce or separation instead of asking or finding out what really happened, how it happened and possible factors or reasons for the actions.
Divorce or Separation is not an option. Couples should stand and fight for what is truly theirs, except if it was not theirs from the start. Do not think if you divorce or separate from him/her and remarry, you would win. No. The action taken has made you a failure and a loser.
Therefore, my candid advice is this: Even though the Holy Book teaches us to divorce on the account of infidelity, the same Holy Book also tells and teaches us that “love covers multitudes of sins”. Also, only he/she that loves that truly knows God.
Next week on WhatsApp Conversation, we would be treating: Would you marry someone who kisses and tells?
Join WhatsApp Conversation every Sunday by 8pm or send in your comments (50 words) to the phone number, email address above or Twitter handle: @WhatsAppConvs