Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ
– Ephesians 5:20
THE art of gratitude should be an integral part of any training programme on Emotional Intelligence.
The grateful person is hardly ever stranded in the journey of life and destiny. Wherever you find a grateful heart, you will also find hope, joy and an infectious optimism. Gratitude is at the core of meaningful, sustainable relationships. It is about showing or expressing sincere appreciation for a kind gesture, a gift, service rendered, or a service expected from another, irrespective of their age or status.
In their younger years, because of the way they were raised, my children rated visitors to our home by their ability to express gratitude for even the smallest favours. In our home, you were taught that nobody owes you anything. So, when people go out of their way to do something for you, especially something they were not under any obligation to do, you owe them gratitude. Even if you felt that you were entitled to the gesture, you still need to say, “Thank you”, because, if they refused to do it, what would you do?
Gratitude activates the Law of Obligation. When you are appreciative of other people’s kind gestures, you put them in a position where they feel obliged to extend further courtesies to you. When you learn to appreciate your superiors instead of always looking for their faults, your climb to the top will be faster and deservingly aided! Have you noticed how even your children respond when you praise them for a job well done? Have you noticed that they suddenly develop a zeal to do more – and better?
Gratitude is first an attitude before it is an act. It genuinely expresses itself in praise, giving of thanks, showing appreciation for, or returning a favour. Even God relishes gratitude. The Bible tells us that He lives in the praises of his people. The wisest man that lived in the Old Testament, Solomon, did not just become wise. When he became king in Israel, he appreciated the favour of God to him (afterall, he was not the first son of David!) with such an extravagant offering that even God was impressed and gave him the unbridled latitude to ask for whatever he wanted. Solomon asked for and got wisdom to administer God’s people. But God was not done. He added unprecedented wealth and fame that no other character in the Old Testament of the Bible had. God hates grumblers with a passion. If you doubt it, check the biblical account of the Israelites’ journey through the wilderness after they left Egypt.
Appreciation activates increase. Whatever you don’t appreciate cannot appreciate in your hands. Gratitude is inspired by and draws on the memories of good things received or experienced in the past, what is happening in the present or what can be, rather than on what is lacking.
Conversely, the ingrate is brother to a robber. His perspective of life is so narrow that he cannot see anything outside his prism of negativity. Pessimism and ingratitude are like inseparable Siamese twins who share organs. I have never met a pessimist who is not also an ingrate and vice versa.
A young boy was spending his vacation with his grandfather. One afternoon, while the old man was taking a nap in his reclining chair under the shade of a big tree in his yard, his grandson mischievously smeared his moustache with some rancid cheese. Upon waking up, the old man smelt the bad cheese. Not knowing where the stench was coming from, his first statement was, “The whole world stinks”!
When you are always focused on the good things happening in other people that you think should be happening to you, because you think you are more entitled to it than they are, you will never appreciate the abundance of God and people’s benevolence towards you. Ingrates always believe that everyone else has something better than them; and more often, they believe that they are more deserving of those things than the other person. For them, the grass is greener on the other side of the fence even when they always neglect to water theirs.
Nobody wants to hang around a sour and dour personality who hardly sees anything good in others or who never appreciates what anyone does. Even when you go out of your way to do them a good turn, ungrateful people believe that you must have an ulterior motive behind the extension of goodwill. Most of the time, they wear a pout in the place of a smile that constantly brightens a grateful face.
Thanklessness and thoughtfulness don’t travel on the same route. The only thought that the ingrate has is for himself.
The ingrate always fusses about what is lost or lacking.
The grateful focuses on what is left.
The ingrate is grumpy because he has no shoes.
The grateful is thankful that he has feet.
The ingrate is unhappy that he has no meat in his pot of soup.
The ingrate is thankful that he has a pot of soup.
The ingrate complains that he doesn’t have enough food to eat.
The grateful is happy that he even has an appetite.
The ingrate is angry that his parents don’t give him all that he asks for.
The grateful is thankful that he has parents who give him anything at all.
The ingrate complains that at his age, he lives in a rented apartment.
The grateful rejoices that he has a roof over his head.
Ingrates are characterized by a critical spirit that always hunts for faults in everyone and everything around them. For them, the glass is always half-empty. On a cloudy day, their focus is on the darkness of the cloud, not the blessing of the attendant rain. Undue focus on negativity – engendered by past experiences, wrong associations, paranoia – not only births, but fuels ingratitude.
Perhaps the greatest trigger of ingratitude is the entitlement mindset that walks around believing that everyone owes you. Your wife cooks a good meal but doesn’t deserve a “Thank you” because she was only doing her duty to you. Your husband gives you housekeeping allowance and you complain because you compare it to what your friend claims her husband gives her. Your children or your subordinates run errands for you and you believe that they had no choice or say in the matter. The government must pay your children’s school fees while you do nothing and abuse government for daring to ask you to buy uniforms! How often have you paused to thank your pastor or mentor for their input into your life? If you ever catch yourself entering into a place or relating with people and all you can identify and talk about are the ‘bad’ things about them, you are losing touch with the spirit of gratitude.
Ingratitude cost Adam and Eve the Garden of Eden. How else do you describe Eve allowing Satan to shift her attention from the abundance of trees they could eat from to the ONLY one that was forbidden? Think about that!
Remember, the sky is not your limit, God is!
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