If I had a daughter

IF I had a daughter, I will not prepare her for marriage — I will prepare her for life. I will teach her how to find satisfaction and validation in her dreams, passion and purpose — not in a man’s acceptance or love.

I will not teach her to respect men; rather, I will teach her to respect herself, because in respecting one’s self, we respect others.

I will not teach her to wait for a guy she loves to approach her. I will tell her, “Daughter, if you admire him enough to desire marriage with him, walk up to him and tell him what’s in your mind. You are not a lesser being who lacks the right to self-expression.”

By so doing, I would not have made her a whore, I would have made her whole — a whole being with every privileges that her male counterparts enjoy.

I will teach her to love with her heart, head, eyes, ears and most importantly, her legs. Her heart — to cherish the man she loves. Her head — to know when she is being used or abused. Her eyes — to see the obvious change in her man when his heart begins to drift away. Her ears — to still listen to sound advice while in love. Her legs — to take a walk if the love turns sour.

I will prepare her for life, not for marriage. She will be conscious of the fact that she is complete with or without marriage. She will not compete with any girl because queens do not compete, they reign.

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I will educate her mind, enlighten her brain and expose her mentality to the realms of infinite intelligence until she realises that only those who dare rebel against traditions and religion are truly free.

There is no freedom in trying to fit in. My daughter would be a misfit.

I will teach her that age is nothing but numbers — a mature man may not be an older man. If she finds maturity in a younger man, she should settle for him and respect herself in that marriage.

If I had a daughter, she will be a reigning queen with a crown, not a caged and intimidated soul with a load forced on her by traditions, religion and patriarchy. Queens don’t carry loads (not even their own bags).

If I had a daughter, I will build her a surname she would not be in a hurry to dump, and whoever she decides to love will honour her last name just as he values her first name.

All female offsprings of the Mandela family keep their last name, even in marriage.

If I had a daughter, I will train her to be free. It is a free world, nobody is God and nobody should play God in anybody’s life — not in my daughter’s life.