Foluso Adebayo Komolafe is a member of Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) Founder of Autism Treatment Support Initiative and TADE Autism Centre. She told SEGUN KASALI how her autistic son gave her a purpose in life, among other personal issues that have shapened her story.
How was growing up?
My father is one of the politicians in Ijeshaland and he founded a school. I was born into wealth more or less. But, I came from a polygamous family where my mum was the fourth wife. So, I did not lack anything when I was born. I did not see life differently. We used to live in a big house and went to good school. I was in boarding school from primary school and the year I finished, my mum was alive to witness my JAMB result but she died before my GSCE could come out. It is actually going to be 40 years this year that my mum had died. She passed on while giving birth and she obviously wanted a boy at that time. When my mum died, I was the first from her and my dad was already old at that time. So, her death was like the wall collapsing.
How did the death of your mother shape your growth?
You can imagine leaving four young children and they are all girls. I was 14, my sister was 12, the next was 10 and the last was 4. And everything fell on me. That was the time a girl needs her mother most. You can imagine a sheltered girl, in a boarding school and the good life. So, I had to grow up fast. I started doing a lot of things I never used to do when my mum was alive. I had to look after my sisters. I had to cook. I had to start thinking of how to get money to cater for my siblings because money was limited with dad being old. My dad did not want us to live with anyone because he realised how my mum took very good care of us and there was an incident during which my sister went to live with someone but it did not work out. And I knew at that time that three destinies were depending on mine.
How did you survive those trying periods?
While I was at the then University of Ife, I used to sell things such as clothes and all that and you would never know I don’t have a mother. That is one of the greatest gifts that God gave me. You would never catch me looking like how I feel. So, people did not know. After that, I started a fashion business. I could design anything. If you are sitting down, I would draw you. So, that was how I started making clothes. Then, I started making furniture. I was 21 years old at that time. But, one thing I know in Lagos is that when you are young, you are very aggressive and you are beautiful, guys would want to take advantage, but I never allowed that. That affected my business in a way because the last thing you would hear is me selling my body to get anything. I like things to be on merit. Don’t get me wrong, Lagos was not this bad then. So, they already knew that I was making clothes. I had tailors working for me and at one time I was in my flat in Ikoyi.
How were you able to combine academics with business?
I had already finished school at that time. I have been a hustler right from the time I baked cakes with my mum. I would call my mum to ask if she had called someone and that we need to make this cake and that. I have always been like that. I used to follow my mum everywhere then. From there, I gained that entrepreneurial spirit. I knew that I was not going to work for people for a long time and that I would literally, sell things. The only thing I cannot sell is my body. So, those creative skills helped me in selling things, and the proceeds were also used for helping my siblings.
What business gave you a breakthrough?
The first business that really gave me big money was hampers. Can you believe it? One of my friends and I went to the uncle’s office and they said they wanted to supply hampers. I now called my friend outside that this is a big organization. We can do it. What is there? We would go to Lagos and I have a car. You can’t believe that we made a lot of money like N200, 000 that we bought a car from that money. I think this was 1989 or thereabouts. It was a lot of money to me. At that point, I said ah, Omo, it is better to be doing business o (laughs). So, I knew I would do hampers every Christmas and I was able to pump that money into my fashion business. So, thereafter I met a friend of mine who was into furniture and I told him I could design. When my half-brother came from the United States, he asked if I could furnish his house and I said why not? So, I was doing a lot and I thank the almighty God for the grace. The problem with business in Nigeria at that time was the workers. Even at that time too, I had a salon. All my sisters would come and work in my salon. When I discovered I had a lot of people owing me, I just went to the embassy for my papers and thereafter decided to come to the UK without intention to stay.
How did you meet your husband?
I met my husband in the UK through a friend. He came to London and called me, ‘Folu where are you?’ He introduced my husband and me. Then, I used to work a lot. As I was schooling that time, I was working at night too, to the extent that my husband was asking me ‘do you owe people in Nigeria?’ and I said no but that three destinies depend on me. My husband used to bring food for me every morning. From there, he asked me out and we were going out. He was very kind to everyone in my family. He started sending money to my sisters in Nigeria. We went to Nigeria for our marriage. I got pregnant and that led to the birth of Akintade who is autistic.
How did you feel about it?
I was sad and then I went into an overdrive looking for solution. We were very happy when Akintade was born and it was in fact one of the biggest parties in London. I was particularly happy because my mum did not have a boy. I was already on the second child when Akintade was diagnosed of autism and so you can imagine how worried I would have been. At that time because I had read a lot about autism I was very skeptical of what would enter my mouth or my children’s mouth. And one of the things I did for Akintade was to look into his diet. After Akintade, I did not give all my children milk. I used to make their pizzas by myself.
How did you come overcome the issue about Akintade?
When he was diagnosed with autism, there was no information. If I knew what I know now, Akintade probably would have been in better stance. This was in the 90s. Even doctors in Nigeria had never seen a case of autism because most people hid those children. So, it was very difficult. In our society in London if a child has special needs even if you are earning one million a day your child is entitled to a special-needs school and the government would pay. Most people don’t know that I had to go through a lot of hurdles. For the school Akintade went to, Barnet (a county in London) refused to pay and we were young couple. How am I going to pay 100,000 pounds? Under the Child Act in London, if your child is not doing what his mate is doing the child is entitled to special education needs’ assessment. When they assess the child, whatever it is that would make the child do what he is supposed to do, the government would provide irrespective of your income. They could not believe how I got that information.
How did you get it?
I did a lot of research on the internet but I had to read. They could not believe how I got Barnet to pay. Unlike other parents who had to go through court, I just wrote to them with the highlight of how much it would cost them if they are to take full responsibility of Akintade. If he is not living with me now but in a support living-home, he would have two carers. They would pay for his house. And when I calculated that cost at that time, I discovered that it would take them 500,000 pounds to care for Akintade each year. So, it is better you pay this money now and let my child be able to live. So, I did all I could and presented my case, and that was how Akintade started going to the school. He was one of the lucky few. Over the years, autism started affecting powerful people’s children. So, they made a law that they should have a school for such people. I did not want to part with my son. God has been good as long as you are in good health. I am passionate about other people. Most nights I talk to parents that don’t have a clue about autism because the onus is not on government to tell you your rights. It is for you to find out. Currently, I converted one of my houses to an autism Centre. It was made possible because I have been doing property business since 1999. I started buying property and would build it up. My journey into property was through the book ‘Poor Dad, Rich Dad’. That was how I started. The book exposed me to know that property is a lucrative business. So, I got someone then that is a mortgage broker and here I am today with so many property even though I would have been discouraged then. All glory be to God.
What are your indelible experiences?
There are several. Obviously, my son’s experience I would never ever forget. Having my son, Akintade was one of the happiest days of my life. And one of the saddest days that keep playing back in my mind was when he was diagnosed with autism. He was diagnosed, at age two. My second son in medical school was just 14 days at that time. I remember crying, telling him sorry I could not give you a brother that can play with you. In fact, that kick started my entrepreneurial drive because I knew he was going to need a lot of money for his life to be okay. And my husband is a bureaucratic person who believes in working, working and working. Now, I have come to the understanding that we can’t all be built that way.
How are you giving back?
Oh yeah, one of the things I do every year since Akintade turned 16 is to donate money to schools in Nigeria. Then, from Autism Treatment Support Initiative, I do outreach every evening talking to parents. During the lockdown, I gave out groceries because a lot of children affected with autism cannot walk. There was one I was talking to that the husband had gone. I have a programme we do in Autism Treatment support.
How about awareness?
To be honest, a lot of highly placed people are affected by autism but they still cover it up and if they cover it up at that level, how are they going to get it done for people at the lower level. Awareness has not started from the government, school and everyone around you. Tell your children about special needs. Tell them that it is not a curse. I always tell people that I don’t see having an autistic child as a curse. It just defines my purpose. I found my purpose through Tade.
IN CASE YOU MISSED THESE FROM NIGERIAN TRIBUNE
- Revealed! Details Of South-West APC Leaders Meeting With Presidential Aspirants
- Supreme Court Has Cleared Civil Servants To Participate In Politics, Falana Tells FG
- Battle For New Alaafin Begins As Ruling Houses Insist On Producing Next Oba
- Court Admits More Evidence Against Alleged Fake Army General, Bolarinwa
- I’m Every Man’s Choice Now, My DM Is Crazy —Eniola Badmus
- It Is Now Bye To Decency: Crazy Fashion Trends At Owambe Parties
and then