PLEASE, I need your urgent advice on my marital issue.
I am 26 years old and a 300-Level student. I have a lady who I have been dating for almost four years now.
But since we have been dating, I have noticed that she doesn’t normally yield to my advice. Anytime I called her notice to tell her my observation about her negative attitude, she always gets angry.
She gets offended at every correction. Anytime I advise her on how to do things right, she spits fire by castigating me that it appears that I am too imposing. Most times she would say ‘your
problem is too much’.
Sometimes, if I call her, she would not pick my call. If I ask her why she refused picking my call, her readymade response was always ‘I purposely did not pick your call’, and even if she chooses to answer, she would say nothing. On my insistence, wanting to know why she is always trying to play safe with her usual response of ‘nothing’ she would either bang or drop the call.
Consequent upon this aggressive attitude of hers, I have had cause to ask her if she doesn’t love me. Whenever she wants to clarify her stand, she swears by the Bible claiming her love towards me. This act of swearing with the Bible always surprises me.
Please, help me out because I so much love her as I don’t want to make a mistake in making a choice of my life partner.
Kindly help me on what to do.
AG, Internet.
Dear AG,
From the description you have given about your lady, one can safely conclude that the two of you have not understood what relationship entails despite the number of years you have been dating each other.
One fact that you must take home and live with for the rest of your life is an attribute that you should imbibe. You don’t have to keep correcting a supposed partner to be at every mistake. If you continue this way you cannot command her respect.
She will always feel that there is nothing that she will do that will earn her any commendation. You should know that you cannot claim to be ‘Mr Know All’ on every issue. You are not giving the lady the sense of belonging as she will always think twice in making any contribution to any issue you raise to get her side.
AG, there is the need for the two of you to really work on each other so as not to get on each other’s nerves at every flaw made. You have not really hit the nail on the head by not citing any instance of her wrongdoing. You need to express yourself in clear terms on what she is not doing rightly.
Once you have made it a habit of raising eyebrow over all she does she cannot but bang or drop your calls, since you keep hammering the same issue times without number. There is a saying in Yoruba that ‘pele o lako o labo’. There are ways you correct in love without being insulting.
I don’t subscribe to her having to swear by the Bible her sincerity and love for you all the time. If you feel that her love for you is in doubt then you don’t have to continue to fool yourselves.
Or how many times will she swear by the Bible that she remains committed to the relationship? Trust, to me, appears a non issue in this forced relationship of yours. If at the stage you both are, you are not free to compare notes, then there is no basis for your continued association. It is better you go the whole hog in knowing each other’s likes and dislikes before promising each other a lifetime together.
This is not the time to pretend that you are in love. Please, shine your eyes before you make a choice.
and then