BUILDING a relationship is hard work, it can be even harder when the person you ought to build in tandem with seems not to be bringing the same level of commitment you are giving.
To X-ray the issue, the discussion on WhatsApp conversation this week was on how to deal with love that is one-sided. That is love that seems to be emanating from only one partner in the relationship.
Here are the views of our respondents on the issue:
Dealing with love that is one-sided. It is a matter of patience. If one partner cooperates and talk to the other, the understanding would be achieved. It is not all one-sided love that ends in failure. Some get it right, many fail. With time, and with understanding from the “more matured”, the two change to unification and love.
If I am with a guy and I am the only one bringing love to the table, I will carefully exit the relationship. It must have been a mistake to get into the relationship in the first place. It is love that should bring two people together and once that is only coming from one party, it is time to move on.
The gender of the party in question needs to be ascertained. For males, they love who they love. If a man likes you, he likes you – they will usually go from a hundred to zero on the love scale. Females on the other hand can hate you at first, and over time, they begin to like you. It is just a matter of introspection and looking at what you are doing right or wrong. You can get it right and unlock the love in the other party too.
For a relationship to work, the love must come from both parties. The energy might not be matched – in most cases, there is always that partner who loves more than the other. To refuse to love at all in any form is to declare an end to the relationship. The relationship is merely transactional once love is taken out of the picture.
If love is one-sided and the other party is trying their best to express their love, it would be useful to sit down and analyse a few things. At least, it is obvious that there is an attempt to make things work. There might be a need to ascertain the love languages of the people in the relationship and be sure that there is a mutual understanding. The moment the other party is complacent and they are not even trying to bring love to the table, it is best everyone walks away.
The saying love is war comes to mind here. At one point or the other, you would be with people who you love and they do not love you back as much as you love them. It happens, it is real. You can hope and wait for them to come to the realisation of your love. You must learn to draw the thin line between patience and waste of time though.
The best thing to do for anyone that is in such a situation would be to assess the overall feel of the other party. If he or she is so convinced that nothing can change their mind, it is time to move on. It is a relationship, not a call to suffering.
To be honest, I cannot relate from a personal point of view. I have been lucky enough not to know how it feels. However, if it happens to me, I will find a way to get over it. I will probably find things to distract myself with – I will connect with other people and move on through the pain.
I have been in those shoes once. I felt so bitter that my efforts weren’t reciprocated in the right manner. I left the relationship. Love is a game of ‘two hearts’, not a one-sided bowling game! It is not really love if it is not reciprocated.
The expert for this week is Orija Ireoluwa Promise. Here is his take on the issue:
Get rid of assumptions
Assumptions form the base of an adamant one-sided love. You may not convey your actual feelings, thinking that nothing but rejection is going to come your way. The first thing you need to do is tell the other person about your feelings. If there is no reciprocation of those feelings, you need to move on. Once it is confirmed that there are no feelings from the other side, you have to accept that there is no future to the feelings you hold inside you.
Are you ready to love unconditionally?
Though this is not recommended, there are people who are living happily by loving someone and not expecting any love in return. These people are unconditionally in love with someone they have always loved. They do not wait for them; they are just happy for the person they love and move on with their life.
Get your life back on track
If you are not ready to love unconditionally, you have to take proactive steps. To avoid thinking about that person, start going out regularly. Watch movies, travel, do whatever it is that makes and keeps you happy. Keep yourself busy with things and people you like. This way, your attention will remain focused on the positive things in your life.
The question for next week is How would you cope with a partner who is a spendthrift? To be part of the next edition, send your response to 0813361345.
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