much as many view relationship to be heaven on earth or an escape from emotional pressure, many things still need to be condoned. Relationship between two people is laced with varying individual traits, attitudes, habits and characters. While some attitudes are controllable, others are not. This week on Whatsapp conversation we are discussing one controllable habit that is exhibited by some partners in relationships :‘drinking.’ While some people say they drink to ease pressure, others see it as an occasional trait and some as a must (the addict) – drunks.
Sometimes, you hear some bachelors and spinsters boast that this trait can’t be exhibited by my spouse, if it happens, I will press the exit button. However, marriage and relationship go beyond exiting when things are not pleasant. Marriage is an institution with a strong value system, capacity building and restructuring and that is the reason we have the bride and the bride- groom who grooms the bride to his taste while the bride serves as a support system to groom the children and the family. If you find yourself in a relationship with a drunk, how would cope with such?
On WhatsApp Conversation, these are what those who joined the conversation and our expert said on the issue:
It seems we are looking at it from one angle, if the habit came gradually we could say tolerance is the only way to help but if it is an addiction, no matter how much you try, he or she will not quit. So, if after you have prayed for him/her, the other partner should move on because if one should remain adamant, they might end up killing themselves.
Coping with a drunk is a very difficult task that requires a lot of wisdom. First, genuine love on the part of the other partner is a requirement that can help in the long run to completely eradicate this habit. Secondly, prayer and counselling are very vital when the partner is not drunk, for positive results. Lastly, ability to have high degree of tolerance to cope with the drunken partner will help on the long run.
The partner of a drunk will need to actually exercise full patience in all ramifications because a drunk is not in the right frame of mind. He or she responds from a subconscious level. A drunk is of the opinion that the underlying problems will not be remembered, whereas the evil day is just being postponed. The partner needs to be tolerant and to show more love to his or her spouse. By so doing, winning him or her over will be easy while nagging will worsen the situation.
Benjamin A. Achimugu
To someone that drinks, it’s easier to cope with a drunk than with someone who doesn’t drink or detest alcohol. Also, if the person is just a friend or business partner, it’s easier to press the exit button as a last resort. In the case of a spouse, here are some practical coping mechanisms. Prayer for the drunken partner and heart – to -heart – conversation. You can also develop ‘positive distraction.’ By this, I mean suggesting other hobbies and activities that can help keep him away from alcohol. Don’t be judgmental, instead empathetic. More often, it’s an addiction. Hopefully, the drunken partner might quit some day.
Coping with a drunk partner requires counselling when he or she is free (when he or she is sober – morning, afternoon, evening or night.) Discuss the merits and dangers of being drunk. He may listen and if he improves, friendship continues. Where he/she sticks to drunkenness, make him know that parting with him/ her is the ultimate consequence. One day, he might yield to dropping drunkenness.
Akorede Saoban Adewale
I would cope and be happy to be with a drunken friend. Though drinking may be a bad habit but we can’t do away with drunks because by doing away with them we are not helping the situation. We will only aggravate it. But staying with them can be a pleasure to their lives. By admonishing them, taking them to church or mosque so that they can learn that drinking is a bad habit and it is highly prohibited. To be sincere, a drunk needs spiritual guidance because once a person is addicted to drinking, only God can save him or her. So, they really need prayer so they can be delivered from drinking. There are some myopic help we can also render to a drunken friend. Example is keeping alcohol away from them and by monitoring them.
Some Quick tips from Andrew Macia of the Doctor Weighs in:
- Remember that alcoholism is a disease.
- Don’t become angry.
- Focus on yourself.
- Have a simple, honest discussion but do it the right way.
- Don’t enable your spouse or try to prevent consequences.
- Allow your spouse to explain his or her life choices to others.
- If your spouse is interested in getting professional help, encourage this to happen quickly.
Lastly from my table
- Please pray for them while having an understanding of their plight. No one loves to be a burden to others. Our life choices might just not be pleasant. Help them to get rid of their addiction.
Next week on WhatsApp Conversation, we would be treating: What are your New Year resolutions for your relationship and marriage?
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