Celibacy….And mature singles

CELIBACY whether self-imposed or circumstantially experienced is tough.

When you hit your thirties and you are yet unattached, you know it’s a real struggle having to ruthlessly control your sexual urges. This article is not to be read idealistically but to be read honestly and realistically

If you don’t have the grace to channel that energy into something really productive, celibacy is very challenging, and yes tough to handle. And even when that raw excess energy is successfully redirected, you still have to be in full control because as natural as the air that we breathe, everyone gets a sexual urge from time to time.It’s a feeling as old and as natural as time.

Nature itself does not adopt celibacy. Hence two important characteristics are companionship and mating of nearly all species. For animals lesser than human, once an animal is mature it seeks out its mate by exhibiting unique mating behaviour which the mate responds to and thus multiplication of species begins.

For humans, it’s more difficult. There are societal norms. Cultural values and religious leanings.

Let me dwell a little on religion.Christianity for example. The marriage bed is to be undefiled which meant sex is only allowed when a man and a woman are joined in matrimony. Pastors would preach it. Fornication and adultery is top on the list of deadly sins. For clergy and laity, the struggle is real. For priest and parishioners, the truth is bitter.  However my observation is that many in the days of yore married quite young. Why? Life was simpler and easier then. Socio-economically, there were many opportunities than we have now. And less people.  So competition is minimal. Therefore, by the time a man is 24 to 25 he is able to confidently settle down and raise a family. In today’s Nigeria, a 25-year-old may still be in school or because of economic realities be working to support himself or learning a trade. An average 25-year-old graduate is still being fed and clothed by parents.

Today, a 32-year-old man may not even be able to rent a modest apartment and start early. He struggles to support and may not consider marriage in a while. For a society that holds marriage in high esteem, he has the challenge of assuring his anxious parents who want grandchildren. For a religious one, he has to abide by the rules of his faith.

Economic crunch has been the major obstacle to people getting married nowadays. While things do not have to be perfect as to get married, many young people cannot even start off with the basic needs of life. Marriage is then nothing but a pipe dream.

Ultimately, people marry whoever is available when things get better because the ones they might have wished to get married to have probably moved on due to financial dearth among other challenges.

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Financial crisis is the greatest challenge to smooth relationship or even marriage. The second to it is health.What happens to men who are old but due to financial difficulties are unable to get married and are sexually frustrated? What of ladies that are old and single? What happens if a woman is not getting young and with no suitor at 42 or 45 tries for an artificial insemination? Or a sister who gives in and becomes a second wife. Will the society judge them? Will religion discriminate against them? There are so many questions needing so many answers.

No matter how we shy from the truth, it dogs our heels now. However, the low point of celibacy is that it’s often used as a plot or ploy to deceive or defraud.Because of celibacy, many are not quickly aware of underlying problems their partners may have. We have had a case of divorce because the brother could not be sexually stimulated. The sister suffered in silence for two years then filed for a divorce. In another case, the man ran away because the lady had no genital orifice except the anus. All these problems were not known during their respective courtship because of the decision to be celibate.These are no fables. These are realities.

I should not be misconstrued as encouraging promiscuity but I am saying if society including its family, socio-economic or religious structures are putting nothing in place to assist its youths to survive in a failed state, then it should be a little less harsh in its judgment of issues. If abstinence is key then then we should not ignore the fact that poverty, economic hardship, sociopolitical problems are also making conforming difficult.

As the world evolves so are tough choices to be made.

Life is never black or white.

It’s a spectrum of different hues.