A commonly heard refrain in everyday life is, “That’s just the way I am,” or “It’s just my personality. I can’t change.” While it is true that personality traits are deeply ingrained, the refusal to examine and adapt problematic behaviours often causes tremendous harm, both to the individual and those around them. For instance, someone who consistently lashes out or violates the boundaries of others, humiliating them and so on, may excuse such behaviour as being “straightforward” or “blunt,” when in fact, it might indicate deeper emotional regulation issues or even traits associated with certain personality disorders.
What are personality disorders?
Personality disorders represent a significant yet often misunderstood aspect of mental health. They are characterised by persistent patterns of thought, behaviour, and emotion that deviate markedly from societal expectations, often leading to distress and impaired functioning in personal, social, and occupational domains. These disorders, though prevalent across various populations, remain underdiagnosed and undertreated, particularly in low-resource settings like Nigeria.
According to the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), personality disorders are classified into three broad clusters:
Cluster A (Odd or Eccentric Disorders):
Includes Paranoid, Schizoid, and Schizotypal Personality Disorders, characterised by social withdrawal, suspiciousness, and peculiar behaviours.
Cluster B (Dramatic, Emotional, or Erratic Disorders):
Comprising Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic, and Narcissistic Personality Disorders. These conditions often involve emotional instability, impulsivity, and interpersonal difficulties that cause significant distress to themselves or to others.
Cluster C (Anxious or Fearful Disorders):
Encompasses Avoidant, Dependent, and Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorders, typically marked by fearfulness, dependency and struggling with decision-making, as well as rigidity in thought and behaviour.
Causes of personality disorders
While the exact causes of personality disorders remain complex and multifaceted, research has identified several contributing factors:
1. Genetic influences: Studies suggest that personality traits are heritable, and certain genetic predispositions may increase vulnerability to personality disorders.
2. Early childhood experiences: Childhood trauma, abuse, and neglect have been strongly linked to the development of these disorders.
3. Environmental and social factors: Dysfunctional family dynamics, exposure to violence, and chronic stress can shape and result in abnormal personality patterns.
4. Neurobiological factors: Alterations in brain structures, particularly those involved in impulse control and emotional regulation, have been observed in individuals with personality disorders.
Antisocial Personality Disorders (ASPD) are common among prison offenders, and characterised by a seeming lack of remorse or empathy. Other personality disorders, such as Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), remain underreported despite the evident prevalence of self-harm and impulsivity in individuals with attendant unstable interpersonal relationships. Similarly, Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), is rarely diagnosed due to cultural misconceptions equating narcissistic traits with self-confidence or being ‘strong’ personalities with ‘leadership’ qualities.
When “That’s just who I am” becomes a problem
One of the greatest obstacles to addressing personality disorders in Nigeria is the misconception that these conditions are mere “bad behaviour” rather than genuine mental health conditions. Many individuals suffering from personality disorders are either dismissed as difficult, manipulative, or immoral, or overlooked ….which hinders their access to professional help.
In such scenarios where “that’s just the way I am” attitude is adopted, the inability or unwillingness to change becomes a source of dysfunction. Worse still is the normalisation of toxic traits under the guise of “personality.”
For example: A manager who belittles subordinates and is narcissistic may justify it as being “tough and results-oriented.” A spouse who is emotionally volatile may insist they are “just passionate and expressive.” A friend who constantly manipulates others might claim they are simply “good at reading people.”
These excuses often mask deeper, unresolved mental health issues. When someone insists they “can’t change,” it usually reflects resistance to growth or accountability, not an actual impossibility.
Discussion
The danger lies not only in the mislabelling of maladaptive behaviour, but also in the societal enabling of it. In many cultural settings, especially where mental health literacy is low, this resistance to change is reinforced by social norms and silence. Instead of encouraging reflection or therapeutic intervention, communities might dismiss concerning behaviour, or even celebrate it as strength, charisma, or leadership.
Furthermore, the mental health system in Nigeria remains understaffed, resulting in limited access to mental health professionals. The lack of structured mental health services imply that many individuals remain undiagnosed, suffer in silence or cause significant distress to others.
Conclusion
It is important to understand that personality disorders are neither moral failings, nor excusable behaviours but legitimate medical conditions requiring empathy, intervention, and structured care. With early detection, appropriate treatment, and societal support, individuals living with personality disorders can experience meaningful improvement in their relationships, functioning, and overall quality of life. On the flip side, where there is no intervention, they tend to end with lifetime relationship struggles at work, with family and across all spheres of functioning – leaving distress and emotional turmoil in their wake.
and then