A typical Nigerian mum

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Lola, you have a meeting in 10 minutes please join us at the board meeting, her colleague tapped her shoulder as she noticed Lola was deep in thought. A top executive meeting took 5 hours out of Lola’s schedule for the day.

Her phone rang after the meeting, she jumped up with excitement to pick up the phone, oh my darling daughter I have been trying to reach you…it was Lola’s mum. She could hear the disappointment in Lola’s voice. She paused and asked Lola how her day has been and that she only called to check up on her. I am fine mum, retorted Lola. She felt disappointed that it wasn’t Craig’s voice over the phone.

Lola could not hold her disappointment; Mum are you in a place where you can talk Lola asked her mum.

Oh yes, my darling, what is the matter? She paused a bit thinking if it was a good idea to share her love life with her mum or not. She felt she was looking for trouble by doing so but needed someone familiar to tell her if she did the right thing.

Mum, do you remember the guy I told you about? I met him some weeks ago, his name is Craig. We have been dating, I mean going out a few times nothing really serious. She quickly tried to explain what dating meant so her mum doesn’t think they are courting or in a serious relationship yet. Lola believes that dating is what friends do, so they can get to know each other and that doesn’t mean there is a plan to marry. She already envisaged pressure from her mum and she just paused resisting the urge to continue the story as she could foresee what will happen next.

Oh mum, forget about it, so how was your day? Hope you did not miss your last check-up at the clinic. Unknown to Lola that her mum was already dancing at the other end of the phone. Her mum started singing…” What the Lord has done for me, I cannot tell it all. What the Lord has done for me, I cannot tell it all”. Halleluyah… Halleluyah… Halleluyah…all my prayers and fastings have not been in vain.

She expressed so much joy on the phone like a typical Nigerian mum who is excited at their child’s plan to marry.

The kind of behavior that is typical of a Nigerian mum in certain situations When you say: ‘mummy, I feel sick and she replies, ‘why won’t you feel sick when you have been pressing your phone since morning’ or when you say I came 2nd position in my class and she replies: ‘so the person that came first has two heads, abi?’ When you are watching the television with her and then she sleeps off and she still doesn’t want you to change the channel.

This is the time you ask me when is he coming to meet the family, abi mummy, Lola retorted trying to summarise her mum’s responses before it becomes a long speech and before she creates a movie out of it.

Mum, I said he is my close friend nothing more.

If he is your close friend why tell me about him then, abi is it all your close friends you tell me about, mum replied in a malicious tone.

Please oh, I am getting old and want to carry my grandchildren before I die. Please cooperate with what God has started in your life and let us celebrate with you. At least your father’s family will stop disturbing me about your love life.

Okay, mum, I have to go. I will call you later in the evening. Please don’t tell anyone about any marriage plans because there is none; in fact, forget the whole story I just shared with you.

Mo ti gbo… Lola’s mum responded mischievously and smiled.

Craig at the other end was in a dilemma of Lola’s ‘blatant No’ to his request.

He remembers how many times his mother told him the story of his childhood days and how he was such a shy baby. He could hardly mutter his words confidently till age fifteen.

Did I say something wrong? Did I speak at the wrong time? Did I stutter? A lot of “Did I” kept flying around Craig’s mind all through the day.

His phone rang and his childhood friend was on the line. Hey Oga Craig, how you dey? As you refuse to call person, I say make a call you. Let’s have a drink this evening, there’s a new joint close to your office, let’s catch up and relax. I will meet you up by 7 pm, is that a good time? Craig jumped at the offer instantly.

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