Compliments are lovely. We all wish we were paid more compliments. They make the giver feel blissfully benevolent; and they make the recipient feel warm, fuzzy, and engulfed in a hazy, complimentary glow.
Truth be told, compliments are complicated. They can be great, but there’s a lot to bear in mind when complimenting a lady. Knowing how to compliment a girl in the best way shows her that you care. When complimenting a lady, there are some things to avoid. These are some of them.
1. Don’t give compliments for any reason other than a genuine desire to complement
As etiquette goes, there are few things worse than a compliment paid just for the sake of paying a compliment. Compliments shouldn’t be throwaways or a ‘tick box’ exercise. They should be heartfelt, and they should have substance and backbone.
If you want to compliment a lady but can’t think of anything to compliment her about, try a little harder, because she most likely has a great many wonderful qualities. But if you aren’t feeling it, then abandon the exercise. Don’t scramble around for a hastily produced compliment that you don’t mean. Keep it real, and keep it honest. A fake compliment is far worse than no compliment at all.
2. Do not force your compliments on any woman
You may wish to pay a woman a compliment, but she may not wish to hear it. That’s her prerogative, and that’s the way it should be. Most gentlemen have the very best of intentions when it comes to paying compliments. Good intentions are important. But remember, it’s not about the intention but the impact. Your compliment may be thoughtful, kind, and coming from an honourable place. But for all that, it still may not make a lady feel good. It might not be something she wants to hear. It might make her feel pressured, intimidated or even scared.
None of this is to imply that you meant to induce pressure, intimidation, or fear.
Pay attention to her response; and if there’s any indication at all that she’s not feeling your compliment, then it’s time to step back.
3. Don’t compliment her on her looks
Unless you’ve been seeing each other for a while, of course. Everyone likes being appreciated for their looks, but it’s not what women want to be valued for most. It’s perfectly fine to compliment your date on her looks, but only if you’re comfortable with each other. If not, commenting on her appearance just comes off as shallow and makes women suspicious of your intentions.
4. Don’t compliment any of her body parts.
Not even her eyes. Again, unless you’ve been together for a while, it’s worse when you focus on specific body parts because these areas can usually not be changed easily. Body dysmorphia is a prevalent and serious condition, and it is always connected to a woman’s anatomical standards for her body. Your commentary might exacerbate the issue.
5. Never compliment her on her age.
It gives women a sense of impending doom. It also means that she will have to stay young to receive your affection.
6. Don’t give tips that are disguised as compliments
Telling a lady, “You’re so pretty when you wear red” or “You’re so beautiful when you smile” are not compliments. It’s quite obvious that they are manipulative nudges for you to change a woman to fit your needs.
7. Don’t tell her she’s not like other girls
Being unlike other girls is not a compliment. It seems insincere and makes a woman feel pressured to avoid getting caught up in the normal things that are expected of girls. So what if she likes sports, too? Being more or less than another girl is never a compliment.
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