This week, we would be responding to an interesting letter from one of my readers. The letter is presented below:
I need advice from the readers of your column on an issue pertinent to my life. The ladies I have dated have refused to agree on my marriage proposals despite my investments on them. I am currently in a relationship at the moment, but I am afraid of what it might result to. I am confused. What can I do to have a lasting relationship?
On WhatsApp Conversation, here are some of the advices from my readers:
From my end, I feel you still need to do in-depth check on yourself to know exactly why your proposals are being turned down after all your investments—like you mentioned. Perhaps, this should be the right time to build yourself into a better person before building a better relationship with a lady. You must know that it is not the money you spend on a lady that would make her accept your proposal. Marriage is a life-time commitment, and a real lady should see her beautiful future with a man before the “I do” part. I also feel a real lady should sit you down and tell you those areas you need to improve on rather than walking away and rejecting your proposal as they have done to you because no one is perfect, You might have spent on then heavily but it is possible that in other areas you are simply not the best option for them. However, you could actually improve or build yourself well if only you could get a real lady to spell it out for you. In conclusion, what is meant for you would not pass you. And, note that delay is not denial.
I would like to look at it from the guy’s angle. I think you need to reflect on the things that you are not doing right in the relationship. Ladies of this generation would stick to a guy with some bad habits as long as money is involved. So, I would like to tell you to go on a trip of self-development and while you do that, be honest with yourself. Once you reflect and spot where the problem is, rejection will be a thing of the past. The biggest room in the world is the room for improvement. Do not stop growing.
Firstly, spending and investing in a lady’s life does not guarantee marriage. A lady would always stay with you if she loves you. Some can do without money. Some cannot. But, you need to examine yourself first. Secondly, something is actually driving away those ladies from you. They only need your money. Please check yourself first. If a lady marries you because of your money, she might leave or create trouble when there is no more money.
For me, natural love is the ultimate. It is good for people to show their partner that. It is not appropriate for a man to use money to propose to a woman. If she loves you, she would stay without any condition. Please, stop using money or any material thing to influence women.
You need God, simple. You need the creator of marriage to guide you. It is not about having a lasting relationship now. It is exactly how you can actually know the right relationship. When you have heard from God, you would be told what to do, and you would not regret it. Changes would come, because you would be getting instructions on what to do and when to stop. It is that simple. All you need is to follow instructions.
For all the ladies to refuse his proposal, I feel it has something to do with him. He should check himself well to know if there is anything he is doing wrong. If there is none, then he should pray for God to send the one who would be the best for him.
He should look inward, attitudes and all. I believe there are some relationships that a lady would not want to take a forever decision with, because we believe marriage is forever especially in this part of the world. Also, how well can he sustain his home financially? Also, timing—everyone has a time and condition. He should be very sensitive about that. He probably has been asking at the wrong period. He should pray and be closer to God.
He should seek God’s guidance in prayer. He should also stop funding their personal accounts.
Feyisetan Toyin, a marriage counsellor, is our expert on the issue. She noted that God alone sustains relationships; that money cannot buy love. You would know who loves you well, with or without money. I would recommend constant dialogue or communication between you and the lady. Even in your busy schedule, you should endeavour to give her attention. Women are moved by what they hear. So, constantly pass positive comments on her looks, dress etc. All these would go a long way to strengthen the relationship. Above all, pray for God’s intervention in the relationship.
Next week on WhatsApp Conversation, we would be treating: would you set a standard for your partner based on traits from other couples?
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