The ATM code in Akpabio’s head

When something isn’t working and continually worked not to work, the quick-fix, is to end it. That should be the popular opinion concerning NDDC today, a cash-cow for the political elite, which has become so dirty, that even the corrupt call it corrupt. Like Awo before him, Olusegun Obasanjo has a thing for minorities in Nigeria. It could be a part of his poorly-concealed mind-game, to leave a cult-image in the minds of the oppressed as their messiah. But I personally hold his creation of NDDC in 2000 a step in the right track. Current supervisor, Godswill Akpabio also attempted a mind-game last week that backfired with the bullets using the backdoor, to penetrate his underbelly. He wanted to play the saint with the ogre in NDDC, by calling the commission some persons’ ATM, where free monies had been dispensed straight into private pockets, instead of projects that should guarantee the mistreated dwellers, at least, a reprieve.

The clap-back he received from Nigerians, should have taught him that we know who is who when the corruption comedies, are brought to the teletubbies.

I remember when Akpabio was on the verge of his “earth-shaking” crossover to the ruling party and Ibrahim Magu would not answer whether he was still under corruption probe or not, at a parley with reporters in Lagos. The Kanuri fellow suddenly went mute, with some senior persons plaguing him endlessly with the polar question of “Yes or No, is Akpabio still under probe”? I sympathise with Magu. His wrecked visage told the whole story. I guess he wanted the former PDP man badly, but he must answer to certain tendencies.

That infamous Oshiomhole’s customized Nku cream; the corruption-bleachier, appears to have peeled off Akpabio’s questioned past (no court has pronounced him a felon) and like the strongman of Lagos, he can speak the saintly language of condemning corruption. Well, Jesus was very clear about all things hidden; they shall be made known in due season. Akpabio’s posture is what Yoruba will call orisirisi obe gbegiri and for the messenger not to obviate the real message in the NDDC misadventure, Soyinka’s manual in relating with truths from Obasanjo, can be deployed here; ignore the messenger, engage the message. Here was a fellow, a little four years back, under probe for alleged official corruption to the tune of N108.1 billion (almost five times his ministry’s 2020 rejected budget) and a bouquet of assets including multi-billion naira mansion at Plot 5 Ikogosi Spring Close, off Katsina-Ala Crescent, Maitama-Abuja, another multi-billion naira mansionette at Plot 28 Colorado Close, Maitama, Abuja and yet, another multi-billion naira mansion at 22 Probyn Road, Ikoyi, Lagos. Unbelievably, yet another multi-billion naira mansionette was traced to Plot 23 Olusegun Aina Street, Parkview, Lagos and, incredibly again, another multi-billion naira 25-storey building at Akin Adesola Street, Victoria Island, Lagos, was allegedly his. Do we need to call in, a psychiatrist?

Yet, this write-up isn’t about Akpabio, our new watchman and whistleblower. There is even a good in him, watching over what is left of the dispensing done before him. Yoruba particularly have a saying about putting the tantalizing fried meat in custody of a sniffing cat. It will be a natural course of event if Mr. Cat steals the meat, but would be troubled if the pieces are counted.

Buhari has ordered what looks like a counting exercise at the NDDC at least to know the quantum of the missing pieces of meat, before the grinning fat cats taking over, both at ministerial and care-taking levels, would encircle the Niger-Delta stemming porcelain, for free dinners. By God, they would start vomiting soon; adopting Bakare’s fervent wish. The main problem with such a presidential order, is that when the president’s men and party loyalists are involved in missing meat episodes, na all correct. Monies only get missing when the opposition, or those not doing enough baba rere, baba ke, within the APC, handle them. Aso Rock adopted son, Yahaya Bello, is getting N10 billion for clearing the bush on both sides of the federal highway and Baba oyoyo can’t be bothered. Similar money, this time, for genuine project refund, going to Bayelsa, an opposition state, would likely be torch-lit, bumper-to-bumper by Magu’s men who now join INEC to declare results at collation spots.

Since some Aso Rock beloved just left NDDC, the forensic bulb will likely blur when beamed on those to be spared in the long-running heist and the biggest concern is that the one who authorised it, may not even recognise it, when one is deployed. At the end of the day, monstrously-bind papers would be presented for photo ops, to a president under doctors’ advice to be sleeping well and life, or more like whatever is left of it, goes on in the Niger Delta.

A senior advocate hasn’t stopped expressing his desire to be a Mau-Mau bomber were he to be a Niger-Deltan, since he returned from a country abroad which should be forlorn like us, but shining with developmental miracles. Well, Buratai, the army chef (sorry, chief) has confirmed we are at war. He was justifying the erroneous move on self-identification, to fight terror. Yes, crime everywhere should be crushed with legitimate biceps and instruments, but there is something worse than banditry in our plate. It is the double whammy of hypocrisy in our national life and grounded system to checkmate those stealing even what they don’t need. Politics is at the epicentre of our existence. Nothing will grow anywhere until the process of picking public sowers, is fundamentally altered, to keep men like Akpabio out of it. The country is indeed at war; with itself.