Is it a sin to make the first move?

Dear Yemisi,

I got married at the age of 20 to a 36-year-old man because of my poor background. I wanted to reduce my parent burden so that they could concentrate on my siblings. But all efforts were in vain. I discovered the kind of man I married when I joined him in Lagos. He is stingy. I have never seen such in my life.

My intention was to further my education. When I told him, he said I should go back to my parents’ house to continue my education. I also made efforts to acquire a skill in tailoring, but he frustrated my efforts. Then I started petty business because he refused to assist me and I had no source of income.

After my second child, my co- wife sent me some cocoyam and our local ogili. I did not consume them. I took the items to Mile 12 and sold them. I used the money realised to buy a paint pail of yellow corn and started pap (ogi) business. When my son attained school age, I told my husband that we needed to enrol him in school, but he said he had no money. I started making savings from the pap business from which I was able to enrol my son in school.

I had no relative in Lagos. I weep everyday because there was nobody to run to. I had to stay and struggle from one petty business to another for the sake of my children.

One question I would also like to ask is: Is there anything wrong in a woman demanding sex from her husband?

It was always a big issue whenever I did so. I received queries from my husband. He would say that he thought   I disliked sex and how come I now liked it? I told him that one cannot remain a baby forever. I told him I have read a lot of books and listened to programmes centred on life and love and that I have developed interest in it. He did not utter a word, but refused to change till today. He said I am responsible for his setback. He said I have ‘water spirit mama’.  I cried for a month because he gave me all sort of evil names.

I have developed high blood pressure since 2010 because of his attitude. He collected all the money I saved for my children’s school fees in form of loan. I told him that I borrowed it just to enable him pay back, but he has refused to do so. At first, he collected N300,000. I gave him another N300,000 for house rent when we were given quit notice in our former place of abode. I need the money because I don’t want my children’s education to suffer.

Please, I need your advice though I have been asking God to help me. What should I do?

Anonymous, 08087569717.

Dear readers, your pieces of counsel will no doubt put this woman’s mind at rest as she is being rattled by her husband’s insensitiveness to her cries for a helping hand and her sexual needs. Kindly send your contributions to 08055001741 or [email protected].