Rape: Breaking culture of silence

rape AS I was reading article after article that seemed to go on endlessly about heartbreaking stories of assault and rape, I shuddered. From the sexual assault and murder of the Australian comedian, Eurydice Dixon, to the heartbreaking news of the corps member raped by armed robbers in Bayelsa State in Nigeria, the list seemed to go on and on. At that moment, I recalled mentioning to my sister, my desire to not address gender related issues anymore because they made me too sad but I think now I am more than sad, I am angry. My perspective to life will always be coloured by my gender, my reactions to events will always reflect my gender, so how can I not write about what affects my gender? What affects me?

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And who would not be concerned or bothered by the growing cases of sexual assaults and rape in the world and particularly in Nigeria! It is as if we are resigned to fate as we continue to watch helplessly our girls and even small children and toddlers being defiled and assaulted by deranged individuals all around the globe and the country. The depravity is even becoming numbing as we get more tragic reports everyday about vicious rape and sexual assaults everywhere. One would have thought that the growing cases of rape would ginger us into action to confront the menace and save our women and girls and children from further assaults. But in spite of some concerted action and efforts from some individuals and groups, the rape issue has not has not assumed the importance it deserves with perpetrators not feeling any heat and as such growing more menacing. The government in Nigeria has been carrying on as if there is no present danger constituted by the rape epidemic even as the society itself is yet to be roused into definitive popular action and response.

For instance, of the many rape cases in Nigeria, that is those that have been officially reported, we have been told that there have only been eighteen rape convictions in the entirety of Nigeria’s legal system. How do we as a nation defend that? What exactly went wrong? How was this possible? And what is still (going) wrong? My mind kept going round and round. How does this not affect us? It is because our culture is steeped in silence. We tiptoe round the truth, careful not to rock the boat at the expense of our own selves. How do we explain a crime of assault covered up because it will be shameful to expose your Uncle or another member of the family? How do we justify the pain of the 12 year old girl forced to share a bed with a man old enough to be her father? Yet, we keep silent because it is our culture, because sometimes we say it is the first time since it has never happened before, or that because men will always be men.

A few months back, I read a story on social media of a 12-year-old girl who was sexually assaulted but later rescued by a neighbour. The neighbour was determined to have the pedophile arrested yet her parents begged him to keep quiet so they could “save face”. That story is not an isolated incident, for so many other people commented on it, lamenting how bad the situation had become. But the truth is that a culture that takes voices and buries them definitely needs to change. Why is it that we are comfortable knowing about these things without taking action? As a people, we have become comfortable with the status quo, we do not want to rock the boat. We teach our girls shame and we teach them to be comfortable in silence. Because we worry more about what the victim did to invite the assault rather than why there was an assault in the first place, we have condoned silence. Because we worry more about public opinions than personal health, we have killed the wailing voices. As a people, we have taken the side of the abuser against the abused.

It is high time we said, enough! It is high time we asked questions and truly listened to the answers. It is time to raise our children differently. To not give one gender a sense of entitlement over the other. It is time to take a stand with the truth, to have the heartbreaking conversations and change the culture. Culture is not static, it can change when the need calls for it. And now more than ever, there is a need for change. Our rage, our pain, our sorrow should and must move us to action. To give a voice but not just give a voice but to truly listen. No one is less than the other, no one deserves to be raped no matter what they were wearing and where they were. Our main concern must be building a society where every member feels safe. It starts with changing our mindset. It starts with doing a bit more, it starts with empathising, it starts with speaking up. It starts with me and you. It start here and now.