It is quite stressful for someone to deal with a partner who fears intimacy. Things could get tiring for the relationship, and it might not thrive. However, there are ways (that work) by which you can handle the fear of being intimate with your partner.
Intimacy is defined by Amy Tran, M.A, a therapist on “Doodledwellness” on Instagram as feeling safe enough to be vulnerable.
What are the signs that show that you are battling with intimacy in your relationship? They are: being unable to communicate your thoughts and needs as an individual; you find it hard to be vulnerable therefore, you are always on guard; you overthink things, especially your partner’s perception of you or random subject matters; you are self-conscious and feel insecure about your identity. Then you project your insecurities onto your partner, including those around you.
Ways to handle the fear of intimacy
1. Get comfortable with yourself
Be friends with yourself first. Get comfortable with yourself and be truthful. Don’t lie to yourself. If there is anyone you should never be afraid of telling the truth to, it should be yourself. It is important for you to get acquainted with the kind of person you are and the worth that you embody. When you intentionally give time to exploring yourself and your capabilities, you will be doing a great job of handling the fear of intimacy that has crippled you.
2. Admit that you need help and ask for it
One sign that you fear being intimate is the fact that it’s a tough thing for you to be vulnerable to people in your life; in this context, your partner. However, admitting to yourself that you need help would mean agreeing to be vulnerable. Seeking help would mean taking a bold step in relation to the agreement you have with yourself to be vulnerable.
Do you know what this would do for you? It will help to train you and teach you to believe that seeking help is not out of place and that it is fine to lean on others for help. Above all, it doesn’t reduce your worth in any way.
3. Communicate your needs and your emotions
It is way easier to hide in the shadows in order to keep your emotions and needs to yourself rather than make them known. When you don’t communicate, people that care about you will be confused about how to show up for you. No one is a magician who goes about discerning the needs and emotions of individuals who have chosen to avoid communication.
If you want to stifle the crippling fear of intimacy, then learn and practise how to communicate your feelings and needs to those around you.
4. Self-love, mindfulness and introspection
Look within yourself, and connect to the guiltless side of yourself. The side of you that is full of innocence and hope. Then what do you do? Embrace it. That side of you that would live in the present and would give any unimportant thing up to make it count. That side of you that will drop the weight of the past and the future that is upon you, and choose to hold on to the present.
The part of you that will befriend you and get acquainted with your personality. That part of you that will choose what makes you happy and sane first. That’s the side of you that will always choose you first.
5. Step out of your comfort zone
It takes courage to embrace the new when dealing with the fear of intimacy in relationships. Outside your comfort zone are people who will love you for your vulnerable self. Outside that circle that brings you comfort are people who would leave you, hurt you, love you, show up for you, and so on. However, there is a tendency to stay in your comfort zone because you want to protect yourself from being hurt or used. Step out regardless. There are people who are willing to accept you for who you are. You wouldn’t trade that on the premise of the fear of getting hurt. Would you?
6. Acknowledge your partner
Another possible way to handle the fear of intimacy in your relationship is to constantly acknowledge your partner. Acknowledge the little and not-so-little things that they do for you. Identify the few things that attracted them to you, the qualities they possess, and the reason you love them. After identifying these things show up, by acknowledging them in that regard.
It takes vulnerability to open up about how much someone means to you because of the fear that they might not feel the same. But still, try anyway.
Conclusively, intimacy with your partner is achievable. When you put in the work, you’ll see results.
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