Jonathan can, but won’t

WHEN the street wants a tone-deaf to course-correct, it brashly reaches for, “dey no dey tell persin”. It means the gravity of the comeuppance will deter a repeat. A sensible fellow should recourse at this point and consider if he isn’t self-sabotaging. If the fellow is the one Yoruba will call kolorosi/koka oloro si [the unyielding self-righteous even when walking in the valley of shadow of death] the street will warn with “bodi go tell you”, meaning the fellow will bear a durable brunt of his action. If it is Yoruba doing the warning, it would be “ara elegbo ni won a ti fi”, literally meaning that the wound bearer would bear the painful mending.

In Lagos, the home state of the President where I live, there is a daily dirge rendered by most of its 22 million inhabitants, including the elite and the nouveau riche, “a ku ilu/Nigeria yi o {welcome to the corner of hell called Nigeria}. It is the people’s way of commiserating the unprecedented hardship the administration of Bola Tinubu has brought upon the land.

Nigerians not waking daily to one new form of financial strangulation or the other, is now a rarity. Wherever money meets your need is the best time to shop in Nigeria now. A stone’s throw trip to a POS operator and back, could see an almost 100 percent increase in what you just negotiated. It is that bad! Even the most optimistic of the President’s political operatives are now scratching their heads on his probable path to reelection in about two years from now. In the real sense of it, Asiwaju has a year more to govern, which is 2025 and possibly one more functional budget, to turn things around. Already 2024 budgeting process is a hot mess, with four, without precedented in the history of running the country, even under opaque military juntas, running simultaneously. As I write this, almost 90 percent of the MDAs, expected to drive the federal government core policies, are yet to access a dime of their 2024 budget and the year-end is just 51 days from today. I made this claim because I have an insight and ICPC, especially under its immediate chairman, Professor Yemi Osinbajo’s side-kick, Professor Bolaji Owasanoye would be probing imaginary poor budget implementation, appropriation violations and padding, subjecting old men {DGs and CEOs of MDAs}, his uncle’s age-mates, to senseless profiling and lining them up for mugshots like common felons, when the commission itself knows that the National Assembly which is in charge of appropriating funds, is the ofon {thieving rats} hiding behind constituency projects, to project its members’ accounts, tummies and libido {most of them send their girlfriends in as contractors to these MDAs}. But the lawmakers are assured that ICPC won’t ever dare; when it doesn’t want to end with zero-allocation.

The greater evil this President is doing Nigerians these days, isn’t even his biblical Zacchaeus’s approach to milking his already-squeezed people {well he promised this road during his campaign when on record he said he would slow down the economy and spread the tax dragnet, to which a supposedly-enlightened gathering clapped}; it is taking the defence mechanism of the people who supposedly gave him a mandate away and still not fighting for them, leaving them without cover as the so-called market forces go berserk, inflicting crude economic exploitation like never seen before. Yoruba will say ‘O rese were o bu soogun”. And to think this same government sacked a Tunde Irukera, for a Tunji Bello as the head of the consumer protection agency. SMH.

But maybe Nigerians don’t even need a government agency to shield them from the exploiters who are now ravaging every sector of the economy. Maybe God is already in it and the unending roforofo between Dangote and government agencies in the up, middle and downstream of the oil sector is likely the clearest indicator that the centre wont hold too long for them. Now, they are in court and pleadings are in. I expect hair-raising claims and counter-claims in further and better affidavits. Soon the accusation will move beyond unfair pricing, substandard products and monopolistic moves, to corrupt practices. That is when the foul yansh go blow open. Sadly, this President has a Rottweiler in the oily dogfight, so he can’t be fair or neutral. But there is a God who can fight for His own. That those who would ordinarily settle issues of billions of dollar over tasty roasted turkey and choicest of wine at Transcorp or on a yacht on the Mediterranean sea chose to slug mud and stone in the market square cant be glossed as ordinary. God must be in it.

When the street says “oil dey your head”, it means you don’t look your result. As President of Nigeria between 2010 and 2015, one can say that of Goodluck Jonathan. The day I was opportune to sit close enough at Eko Hotel during the campaign for his failed re-election bid, I kept looking at him sitting like an arrangee prop {no insult intended}, absolutely quiet with an inscrutable visage, while today’s President of the Senate, Godswill Akpabio, reportedly pencilled in as Minister of FCT had Jonathan secured another mandate in 2015, took the centre stage, looking all presidential in his delivery, carriage and outfit. The galala man of Uyo had gathered Nollywood and its leading celebrities to rally a zero-hour support for then-incumbent’s flagging and flailing campaign. Aki, Mama Gee and co. couldn’t save Jonathan from the massive media assault against his government. He lost. Nollywood couldn’t save him. Celebrities couldn’t save him. Their tens of millions of followers on different micro-blogging platforms and sites, didn’t heed their endorsement of Jonathan. Most of their followers went with Muhammadu Buhari, then APC candidate who was caught on camera at a campaign gathering struggling to operate an ordinary iPad, simply because his biggest supporter and alleged financier then, today’s incumbent, Bola Tinubu endorsed him.

Man pass man jare. Kamala Harris learnt this cold truth days back when the tumultuous Hollywood and its numerous celebrities couldn’t save her from a crushing defeat in the hands of the man that has come to be known as a woman-beater, Donald Trump, having shockingly beaten another woman, Hillary Clinton in 2016 for his first presidency. Just Elon Musk, his X and billions, giving judicially-approved one million dollars on daily basis as campaign support/voter-mobilization and the whole of Beverley Hill crumbled with their support for the one her step-children call “Mamala”. The truth is that as a kingmaker, Tinubu was in his own class and without doubt, his achievements are legendary. Kingmaking oil was on his head.

But it is doubtful if he has ruling oil, with the anti-climatic leadership he has provided so far. There are times in the life of this government that I would wonder to myself if Thinkism, the leading modern-day leadership art, has a place at all, either in Aso Rock or the power corridor generally, or if the President is still behaving like the Emperor he allegedly used to be as Lagos governor, who sees his ideas better than anyone’s. Apart from the economy which he has tanked following the lead of the West and its allied neo-liberalists like World Bank, there are other domestic issues, bungled so spectacularly that one can only whistle. For example, the Rivers saga. Common sense should dictate that you don’t offer a wild mind like Wike, a wildcard. He would embarrass you. Then, the juveline protesters. How can a deeply unpopular administration like Tinubu’s, toy with the optics of putting up such a display. Yes, with alleged insurrectionists like Sunday Igoho and Nnamdi Kanu, you can do that. They should know any kind of Moses assignment, whether divined or self-sent comes with consequences. But even these guys hardly appear in court, especially Kanu, looking like those boys from the North. How can the North love the President again with their votes, considering they were there for him in their numbers when he was being whooped in Lagos and Osun, his alleged orisun {ancestral home}.

I personally believe that Nuhu Ribadu is a mismatch for the National Security Adviser position and when you have someone not respected by those who should report to him, he would be regularly undermined. Judging by the rushed and panicky damage-control which moved the malnourished boys from prison to villa within days {maybe one of them would be president someday} and now their state governors fawning on them with cash and smartphones, it is obvious that the arraignment by police caught the administration off-guard. Does it mean the IGP, a confidant of the President, isn’t sharing intel with the NSA, officially responsible for the coordination of security matters for the administration? Between Ribadu and Egbetokun, who dropped the ball? Why is nobody being sanctioned for this international embarrassment that the street would couch as “o lo far” [implicative}.

Certainly, the President didn’t spend almost a lifetime pursuing the presidency, to fail. But you can give what you don’t have. Even the head-hunting ability credited to him has had no tangible results in almost two years. Tinubu has failed so spectacularly as President you wonder if he wasn’t just a face to someone’s governing talent between 1999 and 2007 in Lagos. In music/acting, it is known as lip-syncing or miming. At least, there was a semblance of delivery, even when the media hype is yanked off his gubernatorial record.

There is no harm in trying another southerner who will spend just a term for North to have its turn in 2027. Since an inexperienced fellow should be a no-no, the idea of Jonathan returning is worth all the weighing. At least, bodi don tell us the difference between his first sojourn and the current reality. But it is doubtful if GEJ would dare. He doesn’t have the courage of Trump.

Lest I forget, I hope Aso Villa and the entire presidential fleet are now on CNG. The President can be painfully insensitive with his gaffes. Imagine him taunting Nigerians to choose between the fuel he wickedly made expensive and his deathly gas for their vehicles. Mba, I choose life. Well, no be hin fault sha!

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