You teach physically challenged students, what does it take to teach them?
It is not what it takes to train normal children that it will take to train a physically challenged child. There are also different degrees of disability. One could be challenged with blindness and the other with physical disabilities. They would need a laptop, audio-enabled wristwatch and braille sheets. They are the best students when these gadgets are presented to them. There are some who are also intellectually retarded; they used to be called the mentally retarded, but we found out that it was derogatory. They are in different grades, and this determines the kind of training they receive. There is also a department for Character Modification. In training special children, there is a need for specialized, qualified trainers in the field of special education.
What are the prices you paid to be where you are today ?
During my undergraduate years, I was just twenty one. I could have studied full time for my NCE, but I had to work. I read special education in my NCE. With that, I was able to get a job as a speech therapist at the Federal College Staff School and I was being paid by the Parents Teachers Association (PTA). Later, I was incorporated as a staff. I was doing that part time while I furthered my education. A month after my marriage, I got sacked. Then, I felt it was time to get my Masters. But I was told that I could not use my certificate because I had a pass in Mathematics. When I told the authorities that I used the same certificate for my NCE and first degree, I was told that policy has changed and that I must comply. So, while breast feeding my third child, I had to write SSCE again. The holy spirit made me to understand that I should not concentrate on Mathematics only. I complied till date, that is the SSCE certificate I am using. I didn’t go to a special centre, I wrote the exams with my students. I had to bury my ego, my personality and pride just to satisfy the university requirement. Also, I started working as a Sign Language Interpreter before going for my masters degree programme and it was my first official appointment. The unit had twenty two staff, and twenty one were against me, they couldn’t stomach the fact that being the last person to join the unit, I would be the first to enrol for a masters degree. But I was determined, I told the then Head of Department, Mr Shokale, that it is either I was allowed to further my education or I resigned. I was desperate for the top, and I knew I had to pay the price. I finished my masters and my grade was good enough to proceed to PhD but I was denied admission two times. Professor Adeyemo finally assisted me for my PhD programme. There is a saying that winners don’t quit and quitters don’t win.
How have you been coping, combining career with the home front?
It has not been easy. Women are the ones that build the home. Men are permitted to build houses. Your husband can help you build the house not the home. if you permit it to be the other way round, you will fail. You need to ask God for power and strength. you must also be hardworking. You can’t afford to be lazy. A lot of people will say, I’m married so I can’t go for my masters. But it is possible. I am an example of that. The kind of man I married and the children we raised also helped me. Because they always cooperate with me.
What are the things singles need to do before marriage?
Our youths have left the place of preparing for marriage. What they prepare for is wedding, which is only a few hours programme. There are phases of preparations. Physically, are you ready for marriage? There is also a need for vocational preparation,which is, being independent to an extent before going into marriage. You must also prepare for marriage intellectually. Can you communicate properly? Can you contribute meaningfully to discussions? You must also prepare for your marriage financially. A lot of ladies expect their husbands to bear the entire financial burden. You just have to be responsible to be in a marriage.
What can one do to have a stable marriage?
There are a number of things that can be done in a bid to have a stable and a long lasting marriage. It doesn’t start from marriage, though It starts from courtship. The person you are going into courtship with; do you share the same value system, the same doctrine, the same belief? You must answer these questions before you get into marriage. Do you love him or her unconditionally? Are there certain characteristics that are ephemeral? Being tall, dark and handsome are not enough reasons to go into marriage. You must marry your friend, someone you can live with and not be tired. You must think the same way too. You shouldn’t marry because of affluence. Character is all. Marry someone who, after fifty years, you would still appreciate each other. Another important thing that sustains marriage is communication. You must communicate and interact. Don’t assume, or presume. You must settle disputes. If any relationship will last, then communication is key. Another set of ingredients for a successful marriage is the trio of loyalty, honesty and trust. You should be able to trust your spouse and, as such, know the boundary and limits of the person’s character. Nothing good comes easy. So, you must work hard in your marriage.
What can anyone who is in an abusive relationship do?
Anyone in an abusive relationship should be able to cope, I am a Christian and the bible does not teach divorce. It is only if you are not in the marriage yet that you can leave. Once you are there, you are there. There are things you can do to salvage an abusive relationship, and you should do your best to follow through with the process. Getting out is not so easy, which is why we must be careful before getting into marriage.
At what point, then, can someone opt for divorce?
If it involves taking one’s life, one can opt out. If your parents are clamouring for divorce, you should honour your parents. If the other party in the marriage wants the divorce, you don’t seem to have a choice. Some people don’t want divorce, but their spouses want it.
You talked about parents wanting couples to divorce. Shouldn’t couples themselves exercise such authority?
It depends on the kind of marriage. If it is a traditional marriage or a scenario where the husband has not paid the bride price, the parent has such powers and can exercise it.
What was growing up like?
My growing up was hectic. It was God who has brought me to limelight. I was just three years old when an Area Mother took me to one of her children to take care of me. It was not because my parents were dead. It was just the plan of God. My testimony is the story of someone who started her primary school, up to PhD, paying school fees all the way by herself.
How, then, were you able to get educated?
The moment I became conscious of myself, I knew the world was not a bed of roses. With the help of God, I decided I was going to be successful. There is nothing that people sell that I have not sold. Pure water wasn’t even common then, it was ice water. Regardless of your tribe, age or colour, everyone would use the same cup. I started with ice water. I had sold firewood. So, I didn’t even have the money to buy the firewood, I would pick it or steal it. People cursed me. But to the glory of God, my past is a testimony. It is beyond what I just explained briefly.
What was your guardian’s reaction during that period?
They saw nothing bad in what I was doing. I was the one feeding the family. They would wait for me to come back and I would use the proceeds from my trade to buy what we would all eat. They were building me then, unknown to them. My neighbours, then, would always call me aside and give me food. They asked, repeatedly, if they could give me money to go back to my parents. I told them I did not know who to run to. I did not know my parents. I knew my parents in 1994, I was born in 1974, I was taken to Lagos in 1976. I took myself to primary school, none of my guardian knew the place until I graduated. I sewed myself a uniform. I catered for myself and for the family that was supposed to be catering for me.
Can we say your experience while growing up influenced your choice of career?
To some extent, yes. The reason I said that is because I’m passionate about those who find themselves in the kind of situation I was in while growing up. As a teacher, without experience, you know nothing. You are being guided by your own experience. So, I would say God and my experience led me into this career. I want to remove people from the bondage I was in while I was young. Nobody was able to emancipate me, but God did and I have found out that the way to freedom is through enlightenment. That is why I have decided to be an eye opener to as many that are seeking liberation. To cut the long story short, I knew that I had to further in my area of career.
Advice for young people
Sexual intercourse is not meant for singles. It is for the married. The youth can spend quality time together without involving sex. There are lots of activities that can be done without sex. Sexual intercourse should not take the place of courtship. Another fad among youths is living couple’s life while on campus. These activities are uncalled for. In looking out for a suitable partner, they must ensure that it is someone they love. They should, instead, use the time to take care of their financial preparation towards marriage.
and then