ColumnsFUNKE EGBEMODE ON WEDNESDAY

If I were Fubara…

Funke Egbemode
on voters Lagos street beggars President Tinubu has desire that kills men For Aisha Buhari You must marry me Iran’s nuclear weapons Nigeria as one-party state Lagos Mr Governor ruling party slave trade stop joining your ancestors A blessing whose blessings bless The killings won’t stop Governor Soludo’s native doctors Nigeria’s opposition are hook-up girls King who died inside the honey how power kills Where are the fathers If I were Fubara All in favour of self-help say aye The problem with having a godfather A sick North and its leaders Muda’s four wives 31 new backsides Who needs mass wedding in 2025 Here to kill steal and destroy retired prostitute Many kisses of shame Madam President

I would be in a panic now even if I put on a brave face and a smile. I would be worried that all of these: Government House, Governor’s Office, Governor’s Lodge in Abuja, the long convoy, the “Your Excellency”, rubbing shoulders with the high and mighty, security vote and more, could and most likely would be gone soon, unless I get a miracle. I would be regretting a lot of my actions, inactions, pretenses and hypocrisy.

How did I think I would survive this cyclone called Wike? If he could make all the other aspirants step down for me, fund my election and two dozen others, why did I think he would not bare his fangs at some point? God, how did I convince myself or allow myself to be convinced that I could take on this system and win? Now nobody believes that I am doing all this for my love for the Rivers people. They are equating my love for my people with the love of a horny man for a prostitute. They are insinuating that a randy man will promise a whore anything to soothe his angry third leg. They said that I used Wike and dumped him. Wow!

The Ijaw threat obviously has not swung the pendulum in my favour. I smell impeachment, though I do not know how it would be carried out without a Chief Judge. I heard that my enemies in high places are more interested and focused on a State of Emergency option. Some oil pipelines would be blown up and I would be held responsible. The Ijaws would be blamed because they were already threatened. By the time the smoke clears, I would be out of the palace, alone, hung out to dry, a former governor.

 

How did I get here?

If I were Fubara, I would buy a humble pie and eat it on national television. Isn’t there an adage that says prostrating for a short man does not reduce your height? Didn’t the prodigal son in the Bible return to his father when he saw a life of eating with the pigs in his future? I am tired of fighting. I’m tired of listening to the multitude of advisers that have brought me only multi-dimensional confusion. I’m even beginning to suspect some of my advisers and their advice. What is the guarantee they are not trying to push me out so they can replace me? In any case, how can I serve my people if they remove me as governor? What is the sense in joining the league of former governors with abbreviated tenures? I think I will just arise and go and beg Oga Wike, admit that he is the godfather. I obviously have slapped a man who can beat me to a pulp.

(This piece was written hours before a state of emergency was declared by President Bola Ahmed Tinubu)

READ ALSO: BREAKING: Tinubu blames Fubara, declares State of Emergency in Rivers

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