INTIMACY takes two committed and humble people. People should learn to take a hard look in the mirror before pointing the finger at their spouse. No one is perfect but everyone can improve in some ways. Here are some ways to get back intimacy in your relationship
Show your spouse you love him/her.
Simple enough, right? Not always. You first need to learn how your spouse feels loved. Does she feel loved when you vacuum and clean the toilets? Or does he feel loved when you tell him how much you appreciate his hard work? Or does she feel loved when you hold her hand or place your hand on her knee?
The 5 Love Languages can clear this all up for you. The 5 love languages are words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Who knew we all speak different love languages? If you’re not speaking the right love language to each other, it results in resentment, frustration, isolation, decreased affection, and lack of understanding.
Be 150 per cent faithful.
Do your words influence others to think more or less of your spouse? Being faithful means being faithful and loyal with our actions, WORDS and thoughts. Stop bad mouthing your spouse! You chose your spouse. No one arranged it for you. You decided to commit to this person and put your single life behind you. Be faithful in your words. If you have an argument, keep it between the two of you. If there’s something that bugs you about him, I’m pretty sure there is something that bugs him about you. Would you want him to be flaunting it to all his family, friends, and co-workers? Would you want him or her freely sharing your weaknesses and faults? Of course not. It would be hurtful. It breaks trust and it causes other people to lose respect for your spouse.
If you have frustration or hurt or irritation or uncertainty in your marriage, turn to God, each other, your clergyman, or a professional. There are resources to guide, direct, and comfort you. However, bad mouthing your spouse does nothing to solve problems or concerns in your marriage. It only creates more problems.
No flirting or checking out others.
This goes hand-in-hand with being 150 per cent faithful. There’s a difference between knowing someone is attractive and being attracted to someone. Knowing someone is attractive does not lead to inappropriate thoughts or actions. Being attracted to someone leads to flirting, crushes, inappropriate thoughts and actions. Faithfulness begins with your thoughts which influence your words and actions. Learn to have self mastery and self control over your thoughts. We’re not mindless animals. We can train our minds and choose what we do and do not allow our minds to focus on.
No pornography and no masturbation.
Pornography is anything that causes sexual arousal in you other than your spouse. It can be images, videos, books, magazines, television or anything else that causes sexual arousal. We often think pornography as only a man’s problem, but there are women who struggle with pornography too. It’s impossible to list all its damaging and negative effects. It causes unrealistic and unhealthy viewpoints on sex, women and men to be objectified, addiction, inability to be aroused by your own spouse, and much more serious actions like infidelity, rape, and murder. Masturbation turns sex into self-serving. It becomes about your pleasure instead of the unifying, affectionate intimacy it was designed for. It too can result in addiction, inability to be aroused by your spouse and inappropriate viewpoints on sex. I’m also pretty sure you’re not having faithful thoughts about your spouse if you’re participating in such activities.
Go to bed together at the same time.
It’s important to close the day together. Work, school, kids, technology and a million of responsibilities pull at our attention. Spend 30 to 45 minutes unwinding together at the end of the day without distraction. If you are going to bed later than your spouse on a consistent basis, what are you doing? Watching TV? Playing video games? Looking at pornography? Wasting time on social media? Anything productive? Most likely no.
Going to bed together helps build unity. It gives you time to talk and cuddle and be intimate. It also helps each other in establishing and maintaining healthy sleeping habits. We all should be getting at least 6 hours of sleep. One ironic side effect of chronic sleep deprivation is losing judgement about needing sleep! People who claim not to be tired when it’s late have trained their bodies into believing that horrible lie. Another horrible side effect is lower libidos and decreased interest in sex! Intimacy killer alert!
No TV in the bedroom.
The bedroom is for sleeping, pillow talk and sexual relations. Nothing interferes with all three more than a television. Communication and intimacy would be limited or non-existent with distractions from a TV. Kick the TV out of the bedroom. It’s not welcomed!
Get healthy.
Unhealthy lifestyles can have strong negative sexual side effects including the risk of experiencing sexual dysfunction in 71 percent of men with “substantially increased waist circumference.” Healthy living, on the other hand, has endless rocking benefits for increasing your intimacy. When you eat healthy, exercise, and sleep well, you have more energy, maintain a healthy weight, feel sexier, have more confidence, stronger mental health, increased flexibility, and better endurance. All the ingredients needed for unbelievable intimacy!
Open, honest and respectful communication on sex
There are numerous women who struggle with sex. They’re not interested or they don’t enjoy it or feel like it’s only for their husbands. If something is interfering with you feeling emotionally and intimately connected to your spouse, of course you’re disinterested in sex!Openly and honestly discuss with each other what may be interrupting your intimate connection. Be humble enough to listen to your spouse’s viewpoint without getting angry. Make goals together on what needs to change in order to be more unified and then follow through.
However, sometimes the issue is deeper. Depression, anxiety, and low testosterone levels can cause complete indifference towards sex. Healthy eating and exercise have proved to be very helpful with treating all these complications. Also, there should always be mutual respect during sex. Neither person should ever be forced, pressured, or convinced to do anything they feel uncomfortable with. Be open. Be sensitive. Be kind. Be honest.
Intimacy is not just sex. It’s about becoming and having a close, familiar, and affectionate companion. It is deeply understanding your spouse like no one else and having them deeply understand you. It takes time, sacrifice, dedication, forgiveness, tolerance, and commitment. Achieving intimacy would not be easy, but it is worth every blood, sweat and tear.
Culled from www.nodietsallowed.com
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