You may be here looking for support due to some early troubles in your relationship, or because of sustained problems thinking there’s no way back, but if you’re still seeking ways to repair or strengthen your relationship, there’s still hope.
The road to repair doesn’t require a full personality change for both of you but will require time, effort, and commitment from both parties. These are some tips to help you on your way to a stronger relationship.
1. TALK TO EACH OTHER
The first step to improving any relationship is effective communication:
- Set regular time to time to talk about your concerns. State your thoughts in terms of behaviour, without judgement, attack, or blame. Be specific, constructive, and positive.
- Listen to your partner’s full story. Everyone’s perception is valid, whether or not you agree with it. Listen without interrupting or judging. Be curious about your partner’s point of view.
- Paraphrase your partner’s thoughts. Affirming that you heard him or her does not mean you agree or disagree. It just means, “I understand and believe that’s the way you see it.”
- Take your turn. Once your partner feels heard, share your story and ask your partner to validate and empathise with your thoughts and feelings. When people truly feel heard and validated, whether or not they agree, it’s like magic.
2. TALK TO OTHERS
An outsider’s view can help understand the other’s perspective without judgement.
You may want to keep this close with friends or family, choosing someone or some people that both of you trust and feel you can chat openly with. Keep this relaxed and informal but if it’s something that helps, meet regularly to help you stay on track.
If you don’t want to confide in a friend or need more specialised support, then you may want to consider seeking professional help by booking in with a couple’s counsellor.
3. ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR DIFFERENCES
Not in a blaming or argumentative way, but thoughtfully. Talking about your differences in a spirit of reconciliation can help each of you sort out what you bring to the table.
4. EDUCATE YOURSELF
Nobody is born knowing how to maintain a perfect relationship and self-knowledge is key to understanding what the problem could be and what areas you and your partner should be focusing on. There are numerous resources and books you can lean on to help with this depending on your circumstances.
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