In today’s world, the word narcissist is bandied around so much especially when talking about perceived toxic men. But often, women do not consider that they are narcissists in nature; there is a general belief that only men have this attribute.
So, are there female narcissists? The answer is yes. And do they exhibit the same traits as their male counterparts? While female narcissists share some traits with male narcissists, they actually differ in some ways that is easily identifiable.
Though people usually believe that narcissism is a medical condition, which is clinically diagnosed as narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) with symptoms which include characterised by grandiosity, need for admiration, and a lack of empathy toward other people, there are some whose attitude is basically a result of bad manners or warped beliefs.
Though people of every gender can have narcissistic personality disorder, studies have proved that men tend to display more narcissistic behaviors than women.
What differentiates a female narcissist from a male narcissist? It is not difficult to spot. While there aren’t much innate difference between gender personalities, so also are there no exact innate differences between male and female narcissists.
Simply put, due to the fact that in every society, men and women go through different socialisation and are consequently more likely to develop specific personality traits. These traits are responsible for the differences and these differences are obvious between male and female narcissists as well.
In spite the fact that male and female narcissists share some narcissistic traits, there are specific differences in the way they exhibit their traits. When male narcissists are angry, they tend to be aggressive and explosive while the female narcissists when angry punish their victims by withholding attention and affection. Invariably while the male is unduly aggressive and may be violent, utilising power and status as a form of control, the female uses neglect or guilt as a form of control.
Both male and female narcissists gain control and affection is through codependent people. According to research, the male narcissists generally get their supply of power by exerting influence on romantic partners while a female narcissist’s supply can come from her partner or her children as she sees her children as an extension of herself. Male narcissists do not imbibe his orientation.
How then do you identify a female with narcissistic personality? There are different signs that can aid recognition; they are superficial and always in need of validation. Like all narcissists, female narcissists are generally insecure in nature and in order to hide their insecurities or flaws, they tend to be overly concerned with their physical appearance and social image to an extreme level.
Also, they use material items like clothes and cars, status of wealth and acquisitions to help validate their insecurities while some female narcissists will even place an emphasis on their children’s image to help elevate their own,
Many female narcissists embrace the spirit of martyrdom who always acts as victims and do not accept faults. In their eyes they are never wrong, rather, they will give excuses for bad manners.
The female narcissist can be likened to the virtuous victim; they think their pain is greater than anyone’s pain, their efforts are bigger than anyone’s efforts and their suffering is more extraordinary than anyone else’s suffering.
Most often, female narcissists are overbearing parents and mothers-in-law. They are over-controlling; they are the types that can go to their children’s house and start rearranging furniture, telling them how to discipline their kids and how to live their lives generally because they believe they their ways are better and they know best. They are usually terrible mothers-in-law who are jealous of their son’s wives and make lives difficult for them.
They are also extremely competitive and jealous. Always trying to the best in everything; richest, smartest, prettiest, most successful, and charming woman wherever they are. Female narcissists always circle conversations back to their own experiences and if other women appear better than them, the female narcissist might use shaming tactics to exile them from the social group.
It is a misconception to think female narcissists don’t exist because of the socialisation process of men and women which is different and the society requires different set of expectations from them. The belief that female narcissists are not as violent or emotionally abusive as males is also false; they only get away with it because male victims rarely speak about it because of feelings of shame and stigma.
Both female and male narcissists appear nice and helpful in front of others and abuse their victims behind closed doors.
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