Disciplining your child isn’t always straightforward. Whether you’re navigating toddler tantrums or teenage outbursts, it’s easy to lose your cool. But yelling or using physical punishment? Research shows it doesn’t solve the problem—and can actually make things worse.
According to UNICEF, positive discipline offers a more effective, compassionate approach to parenting. It helps build trust, teach responsibility, and strengthen the parent-child relationship—without fear, shame, or harm.
Professor Lucie Cluver from Oxford University who is an expert in child and family social work (and mom of two boys) shared tips to break down the most practical and powerful tools you can start using today.
1. Make Time for 1-on-1 Moments
Spending just 5–20 minutes a day of focused, uninterrupted time with your child can strengthen your bond and reduce misbehavior. No phones, no distractions—just you and them.
“You can even do it while washing dishes or folding laundry. What matters is that it’s just you and them,” says Professor Cluver.
2. Catch the Good Stuff
It’s easy to focus on what your child is doing wrong. But kids thrive when you praise what they’re doing right—even small things, like sharing a toy or playing quietly.
“Watch for good behavior and name it out loud. It makes a big difference,” says Cluver.
3. Be Clear About What You Want
Don’t just say, “Be good” or “Stop that.” Tell your child exactly what you want: “Please put your shoes by the door.” Clarity helps them understand and follow through.
And keep it doable. A full day of silence? Not likely. But 10 minutes while you take a call? Totally possible.
4. Distract Like a Pro
If your child is headed toward a meltdown, steer their attention somewhere else. Suggest a new activity, change rooms, start a song—anything to shift the energy.
“Distraction is most powerful right before things go wrong,” Cluver notes.
5. Use Calm Consequences
Let your child know what will happen if they don’t stop a certain behavior—and give them a chance to fix it. If they don’t, follow through calmly. If they do, praise them for it.
“You’re teaching that actions have consequences—but in a way that’s loving, not punishing.”
6. Be Consistent and Realistic
The consequences you set need to be ones you can stick to. An hour without screens? Doable. A week with no phone? Harder to enforce.
Kids need to know you mean what you say, and they learn best when the rules are consistent.
7. Make Discipline Fun (Yes, Really)
With younger children, play is powerful. Bang on pots, copy their silly faces, sing songs. It’s more than just fun—it builds brain development and deepens your bond.
8. Don’t Underestimate Your Teen
Teens still need one-on-one time and praise, even if they act like they don’t. Dance with them. Ask about their favorite artist. Involve them in setting household rules and consequences.
“When they help create the rules, they’re more likely to respect them,” Cluver explains.
9. Pause Before You React
Feel like snapping? Hit the pause button. Take five slow breaths before you respond. It’s simple—but powerful.
“Parents around the world say this little trick helps them stay calm,” says Cluver.
10. Take Care of You, Too
You matter, too. Carve out time for yourself—after bedtime, while the kids nap, whenever. A calmer parent is a more effective one.
And don’t forget to celebrate your wins.
“Ask yourself each day: ‘What did I do well today as a parent?’” Cluver suggests.
Final Reminder: There Are No Bad Kids—Only Tough Moments
Every parent struggles sometimes. What matters most is showing up, trying again, and leading with love. You’ve got this—and you’re not alone.
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