Indeed, prevalent cases of abuse which has remained incomprehensible to people is in cases where fathers abuse their biological children; that of step fathers seems to be becoming a norm based on figures of reported cases in welfare offices and those being handled by nongovernmental organizations.
There is a case where a woman reported how she caught her husband fingering their nine-year-old daughter; she had woken up in the night to catch him in the act and the daughter had been complaining over a long period of time that she was feeling pains around her vagina without the mother identifying the cause.
An organisation in Lagos, Morna International Children’s Foundation (MICF) has handled many of such cases and is presently on the case of a 16-year-old that was raped by her step-father. Speaking with Nigerian Tribune, Bukola Afolabi Ogunyeye, the Executive Director and Founder of MICF said, “I have had cases of sibling incest. Yes, sexual abuse can happen among siblings too. This is the reason parents must know this and be on their watch. Who are those we bring into our homes? That uncle, aunty or family friend may be a predator that grooms children for sexual abuse.
The numerous cases reported daily are alarming and an indication that child rapist and pedophiles are on the rise. This was before strange to the Nigerian culture but now seems a norm that cuts across religious, ethnic or status delineations. Indeed, incest is the most common form of abuse today in Nigeria.
Child sexual abuse exploits and degrades children and the effects on the child cuts across cognitive, social and emotional development of a child into adulthood. There are various forms of child sexual abuse which simply means any sexual act between an adult and a child, including penetration, intercourse, incest, rape, oral sex, and sodomy. Other examples include fondling, violations of bodily privacy, spying on a child in the bathroom or bedroom, exposing children to adult sexuality, showing pornography to a child, child prostitution or child pornography.
And according to the MICF founder, “regardless of the child’s behaviour or reactions, it is the responsibility of the adult not to engage in sexual acts with children. Sexual abuse is never the child’s fault.”
The situation in Nigeria is at a dangerous precipice and it looks surreal considering the nation prides itself as a religious country. Though many reasons had been adduced for the dastardly act, none seems to be good enough for the destruction of children’s destiny through sexual abuse.
Ogunyeye stated “indiscipline on the part of abusers, pedophilia; which can be a psychological disorder, objectification of the girl child and failure to bring sex offenders to book can make them continue to perpetuate their criminal act. After all, when one Sex offender is properly prosecuted it would serve as deterrent to others.
“Millions of children all over the world continue to be at risk. I will not say child molestation is on the increase, this is because till few years ago, many didn’t not speak up about their abuse, they didn’t even know that they were being sexually abused. But because awareness is becoming high unlike when silence was the order of the day and it was as if nothing like child sexual abuse was happening before.
“Because cases are now being reported and we are now getting to know when some of these atrocities are committed, this topic is now something we talk about often. However, child sexual abuse is still much here with us. The abusers take the whole blame for their actions every other person or party is the victim,’ she explained.
But what is the way out of this menace. Many have advocated advocacy, education of minors and orientation as the major solution. But there have also been calls for stronger laws against child molestation and abuse, enforcement of such laws, curbing stigmatisation of victims and breaking of the silence culture.
Ogunyeye, a child rights activist and staunch advocate of gender-equality is a former banker trained by the National Advocacy Centre Huntsville, USA and to her, advocacy can help greatly to fight the war against child sexual abuse. “Awareness is key in fighting this menace. We must understand that a vast majority of offenders do not look, act, or speak in a way that would identify them as sex offenders. It could be a friend, a family member, a teacher, or even a parent.
“Sex education is key in prevention of child sexual abuse. Every child must be able to pronounce the appropriate names of his/her private parts, they must know that predators are not strangers and must be on their guard to report anyone who tries to touch their private parts and tells them not to report to daddy and mummy, or anyone who threatens them with death.
“We must not forget that teenagers are still children as long as they are under 18 years of age, they must not be left out as their cases usually involve violence, some of them have awful stories to tell about how trusted relatives raped them, they also need protection. This is why MICF is fully into advocacy alongside other initiatives we promote. We go to schools to advocate prevention of child sexual abuse; we give sex education talks every quarter. We also attend PTA meetings where we can reach out to parents because a child can’t do it alone. We have had to deal with heart breaking cases.
“My experience has not been a palatable one, but I am happy that many children are now aware that some people are around them who want to sexually abuse them. Unfortunately, abusers don’t just groom a child; they groom families, organisations, and entire communities.”
Grooming, the process where offenders gradually draw their victims into a sexual relationship and maintain it in secrecy has been attributed to why it goes on for long before such cases are discovered. Grooming allows offenders to slowly overcome natural boundaries long before actual sexual abuse occurs.
How can one identify grooming? “Seeking relationships with children, more than usual for the average adult, giving gifts, trips, flattery, providing transportation to help the child/family or babysitting. Gradually showing extra physical affection towards a child in a way that “almost” crosses the line, but not quite, seeking alone time with the child among others are signs of grooming. And the greatest challenge I face is that mothers shield their husbands who are perpetrators.
“This is disheartening. How can a mother choose her husband over such a terrible thing? Why do some mothers not just care about the feelings of their daughters? Can we please stop treating child rape as a family affair? When are we going to start empathising with victims and not the perpetrators of this crime? Do they even know how these victims carry the trauma for a long period of time?” Ogunyeye asked.
She advocated that mothers who try to shield their husband should be prosecuted alongside their husbands. “I think we need to start pushing for this too if we must make a head way in this fight against child sexual abuse. We need strengthening laws that are enforceable not just laws that would be in paper. Lagos State is doing a very good job by strengthening laws on sexual offences, but what about other states?
and then