Parenting in the digital age

By Anthonia F. Ibitoye

Parenting is the responsibility of providing nurturing care throughout childhood and preparing children to live in society, form relationships, learn, work, and thrive (Elsayed 2024). Parents are often the most important figures in a child’s life: the first teacher, guide, companion, and friend. In this sense, “parent” includes not only biological mothers and fathers but also guardians, grandparents, or anyone who carries the task of raising a child. Since all informal learning begins at home and parents take a central place in this, parenting is therefore rightly termed an indispensable part of children’s upbringing. The internet has transformed society, creating unprecedented opportunities but also new challenges. In the pre-Internet era, parents arguably had more focused time with their children. Today, both parents and children often find themselves glued to their phones, switching between apps, checking live streams, and scrolling endlessly. While children are often blamed for being addicted to screens, many parents are equally guilty. Parenting moments are increasingly interrupted by digital distractions. The result? Family bonding, once nurtured through conversations, storytelling, and shared activities, has been eroded. Where mothers and fathers once told moral tales under the moonlight, children today prefer the endless stimulation of screens and online content. The consequence is that family members are now physically close but disconnected from one another, yet, sometimes closer to those physically far but virtually close.

The rise of para-social parenting: In the past, children mainly listened to their parents, teachers, and community elders. Today, influencers, celebrities, and online personalities often occupy a more authoritative role in shaping young minds. These figures, with curated lifestyles and persuasive content, sometimes hold more sway than parents themselves. Social media exposes children to multiple worldviews without the filter of gatekeeping. To the modern child, a parent’s wisdom may appear “old school” compared to the exciting narratives of influencers. Yet many of these influencers speak from their own struggles, frustrations, or biased realities, which may not align with a child’s best interests.

When comfort becomes a burden

Beyond media, another challenge is the growing mindset among parents: “Because I suffered, my child should not suffer.” While noble, this perspective often backfires. Shielding children from all forms of hardship robs them of resilience. As Michael Hopf notes: “Hard times create strong men; strong men create good times; good times create weak men; weak men create hard times.”There were days when people had to wash clothes with their bare hands, trek to streams to fetch water, and days when having a television was a luxury, with no phones, no internet, and so on. Looking back, some people felt these were days of suffering, and they never desired it for their kids. Yes, they could be right, but those times, for the most part, fostered productivity, resilience, patience, sacrifice, and togetherness. The current days seem to have produced smarter people with a low sense of resilience. True parenting requires balance while providing comfort is important, teaching responsibility, patience, and endurance is also important. As Robert Schuller wisely said,“Tough times never last, but tough people do.”

Returning to the heart of parenting, parenting is a sacred mission that must begin with self-reflection. Parents must ask: “Do I have the right tools to raise a child in this generation?” Parenting is not just about providing materially but also about guiding morally, emotionally, and socially. Children must allow themselves to be taught how to live well, so they can be good children and eventually good parents. Only teachable children would end up as good parents. Good parenting requires the following: Modelling disciplined media use and screen time at home. Reviving family togetherness through storytelling, meals, and bonding activities. Teaching balance, that is, not over-pampering or over-disciplining. Instilling resilience while still offering warmth and security. In line with Aristotle’s Doctrine of the Mean, virtue lies in balance. Children must not be conditioned to choose only the soft path, nor forced onto only the hard one. Parenting today requires wisdom to guide them toward the middle ground where strength and empathy, discipline and love, resilience and joy coexist.

In conclusion, raising children in the digital age means teaching them to value real bonds over virtual illusions. Parenting in the digital age is more complex than ever, demanding both intentionality and balance. While technology has opened doors to knowledge and opportunity, it has also created distractions that threaten family bonding and values. Parents must rise above these challenges by modelling discipline, fostering resilience, and nurturing authentic connections at home. The revered task of parenting is not about shielding children from every hardship or surrendering them to adverse media influences, but it is about guiding them with wisdom, love, and balance. In doing so, we prepare them not only to survive but to thrive in a world that is constantly changing.

•Dr Ibitoye is a postdoctoral research fellow at the Centre for the Study of Race, Gender and Class at the University of Johannesburg, South Africa

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