Now that you know: Coping with takers

“Thank you for showing me... Now I know he/she is a taker; a die hard freaking one at that...now I know and...“

O hey, you do?

Yes!

And I’m not taking this no more, I‘ve decided... I’m going to... “

Now, hold up a second, before you say another word...

Pause right there. Now calm down…yea that’s more like it.

Alright, you were going to say?

O let me guess- Separation, divorce, perhaps you were going to feed them some hot dose of trouble right?

Nah nah nah...

Really I thought you knew better.

I didn’t expound that topic to make you go berserk, or mad at your spouse.

No!

I showed you who a taker and giver is, so you are can first, see yourself through the mirror of those words and then make amends.

ALSO READ: Giver or taker: Why your relationship is headed to the rocks

However, now that you found him/her out, trouble, divorce, even separation is not the solution.

Listen, there’s too much involved for them to be.

Think about the years, energy, resources and all you’ve invested in that relationship.

Are you really going to throw all that away to the wind?

What about your seed, those precious little beings…are you going to leave them to reap the ugly rewards of a broken home.

Hey, I urge you to reconsider, all three options are no go areas... Please don’t.

“O I wasn’t even thinking about divorce or anything of the sort, but I sure will give him/her a piece of my mind, straight up.“ perhaps you’re thinking.

Right!

Pardon me, sometimes I really get ahead of myself.

Now I get you,

But still listen, in this little life I’ve lived and then in my experience as a coach, I’ve come to discover that going the hard way in relationships never does any good.

In fact, the opposite is almost always the case as…

Homes are set on fire.

Hearts left shattered.

Couples torn apart and…

Very sadly, the children are torn inbetween, left to reap the devastating effect of untold sufferings, hardship for something they didn’t orchestrate.

Again, I ask you, is this what you want?

Perhaps you’re allowing the so called friends or the empty teachings, campaigns and ideologies of the feminism–gone–wild–movement get a hold on your common sense.

If only you knew...

Well I bet you didn’t know they’ll gladly bear with, in good faith what you are about to throw away.

There’s no gain without pain dammit!

Patience is a virtue.

Wisdom, profitable to direct...

Now here are some workable and reasonable steps to help you deal.

1. Understand Why He/She Act So:

Most times we are a product of our past. Past experiences, our upbringing and challenges of life, forms us. So, before you go dismissing him/her, get to the root of their actions. Get to know what motivates it. That way, you have a better insight into how to deal with it.

2. It’s Time For Some ‘Me‘ Time.

Ignoring your own needs or putting theirs ahead of yours is probably what has been going on for a while, especially if you’re a die hard ‘giver’. Ain’t nothing wrong except the fact that throwing all your attention and energy into pleasing a self absorbed person isn’t virtuous. No! What it does is set you up for emotional drain and imminent wreck. Slow down now, give yourself some attention, you deserve it.

3. Reconnect With Your Values:

I’m not implying you lost them, far from it. All I’m proposing is that while in your alone time, reconnect.sometimes people treat us the way we tell them to. Not with words, but by action. Unknowingly,sometimes we turn ourselves into a door mat and people don’t hesitate to step on it as they damn please. It’s time to reconnect, know your worth and take a stand for it.

4. Determine What You Can Deal…

C‘mon it‘s time to set boundaries, time to determine what you can let slide and what you can’t. Saving the last piece of meat in the pot for them is sometimes annoying, still that can slide. But, ignoring you and your needs might not. Starting now, decide what you can no longer compromise and guide it jealously.

5. Speak Up:

It’s true that sometimes we don’t even know when we begin to act selfish until it’s spelt out by another. Now, a one on one, in a cool relax atmosphere is always a win when it’s time to communicate these issues with your partner. It’s never a time to nag, yell or throw tantrums. Only speak up your pain, hurt and views quietly, gently and sensibly.

6. Spell Out The Benefits Of Changing.

It’s not enough to speak up and leave it at that. No. It’s of greater good to make him/her see the benefits(short term or in the long run) in store for you, your relationship and all, if they take the step.

7. Bring To Their Remembrance Past Successes.

However little that achievement... So long it’s something they, or you two pulled off, bring it up and praise them for it. When you do this, it evokes a consciousness that you appreciate them for their past efforts and makes them feel inclined to make an effort again. Actually it kind of stir them up to do more.

8. Be Open, They Are Human.

Henceforth, it will do a lot of good to point out clearly, when you need them or anything from them. Don’tassume they know or should know. They aren’t spirits... So, need help with anything? say so. Need to talk about that bad day? let them know. Maybe what you need is a healthy dose of hot s3x…hey whisper it if you must, but don’t assume they should know.

Finally,

9. Back It Up With The G-factor:

Call me fanatic…, music to my ears. But seriously, there’s a higher power and authority which formed us and made us who we are, he is God. And just as it is with every manufacturer, there’s an owner’s manualfor everyone. God has your partners’, he can show you and help you fix them if you ask him.

Don’t hesitate.

To a blissful marriage,

Blessings.

Adeyemi is a relationship coach and you can reach her via [email protected]