EVERYONE is handsome or beautiful on the wedding day but not all are marriage ready. Wedding is for a day but marriage is an institution for a life time. It encompasses walking through the eye of the needle. For better, for worse, it is expected to be enjoyed and endured. It is the most talked- about institution but identifying one who is ready for this age- long institution is a major problem that has resulted in many divorce cases in our society. Thus, one over arching question many need to answer before saying ‘Will you marry me or I do’ is: How do I identify a marriage-able spouse?
On WhatsApp Conversation, this is what those who joined our conversation and our expert say on the issue:
He will be tolerant in most ramifications, honest, financially moderate and godly. For others, he/she must be ‘romantic’. Either or both must be industrious in the career he/she chooses. He/she must relate well with friendly family member(s).
A marriageable spouse must possess the following: He must know and have God, not necessarily a religious fanatic. He must be humble and gentle. He must be totally mature because marriage is not for boys and girls. He must be financially stable i.e. must have a good job. He must have good human relationship with either of the families. He must be good looking and dress moderately.
He must be loving and a helpmate when the needs occur. He must be a great humor master so whenever they quarrel, they can laugh over it. He must not be a person that keeps malice. To crown it all he must be a person that masters the five magic words i.e. please, excuse me, sorry, thank you and finally pardon or forgive me.
A marriageable spouse must be someone who’s responsible, mature, capable of handling some certain situations in marriage. Marriage is not for kids. Anyone who wants to get married must be capable of handling his own house and also must be ready to provide for his/her family at all times.
He must be a cheerful giver, giving selflessly and not spending selflessly (the two are different). He must be ready to forgive easily.
He has to be true believer of the gospel and a born-again Christian. He has to be an exceptionally brilliant person; I wouldn’t want to marry someone who is not better than me in terms of education. His principles about life also matter, is he pessimistic or optimistic person? What is his definition of success? His family background also matters. Then, is he also willing to get married or not?
The character is one thing I will look out for because people talk and act different. There must be an assurance of care. The spiritual life of the person is another such that in time of trouble, how strong is his/her faith and how long can he/she hold for? His/Her lifestyle style too will speak volume i.e. dressing, eating healthy, square of friends, personality, his/her best of best (hobbies and dislikes) etc…
I identify a marriageable spouse by how much their character is in line with the scriptures. Even if they don’t have all the characters, but you can see them working towards improving on themselves. Also, how compatible we are together. But to do this effectively I must have identified my purpose in life as this will help make it easier to find that one that is compatible with me and my purpose.
Aree Oluwadamilola is our expert opinion for this week.
I believe that someone is mature enough to be in a serious relationship with isn’t the same as being marriage-able. I’m a firm believer in the institution of marriage and the sanctity thereof, and I think that unlike in relationships (where you only have to be mature enough, whether it’s (spiritually, financially, emotionally or physically). With marriage you have to be ready to act them. To be marriage-able, you have to be a complete man/woman and not just mature enough. Note that I didn’t say ‘perfect’ but complete. You must have become well-rounded in all areas that matter i.e. emotionally, psychologically, physically, spiritually, socially and to an extent financially). And this applies to both sides.
The Holy Bible didn’t say and the halves shall become one. No, the two, two whole men (male and female) shall become one. So, before we talk about marriage, this must be in place. This is why we have reasons for a relationship before marriage, courtship or at least a friendship to identify the person you are involved with.
For me, a man I would marry firstly has to share the same faith with me or there will be issues over our convictions, religious practices and what to consider as wrong or right.
Secondly, our core values have to align with each other. There’s nobody you can agree with completely (and I know a lot of people say it isn’t good to marry someone exactly like you) but no matter how you agree or disagree on things, your core values and principles of living must be the same.
Also, someone who doesn’t have a vision for his or her life isn’t ready to marry. Most ladies leave this to the guy, but the truth is, it goes both ways. I believe marriage brings about two destinies together to fulfill a greater calling, so, both parties must be visionary people, as well as diligent. That is what will keep them going even when there’s no money or comfort initially.
Such mustn’t be easily angered. Anyone quick to anger isn’t marriage ready. Communication skill is another skill he must and this he must exhibit no matter how tough the situation is. Every good relationship thrives on communication and he must understands the need for equity in the house not equality because we aren’t equal (not that one is superior over the other, but that man and woman were created differently and to do different things, especially in the family structure.
He must be willing to learn, faithful and unconditionally supportive. Lastly, someone who is willing to apologise first. With this you would realise that it’s not just love that keeps marriage. It is important, but it can’t survive on its own. Wait, such must be humorous.
Next week on WhatsApp Conversation, we would be treating: Would you marry a partner with low/high libido to you
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