I am a strong believer in the marriage institution as the strongest building force for a stable human society. Therefore I use so much energy on finding solutions to marital instability.
One of the discoveries I have made in the course of my search is deep appreciation. Deep appreciation goes beyond ordinarily saying”thank you,” or “I appreciate you.” Rather, it is a conscious habit you have formed to let your spouse realise that you deeply appreciate his/her roles in the marriage.
This incident is an eye opener for deep appreciation: a husband had to do a little cooking because his wife travelled for a few days. A little cooking means: boil rice and warm the stew prepared and kept in the refrigerator by his wife.
On one of such cooking days, he wanted to check the boiling rice, and casually opened the pot, and before you call “Jack Robinson”, his hand got steamed by the boiling rice. What a painful experience. But he got a message as well: his wife must have suffered many of such pains in preparing food for the family.
Henceforth, he promised himself to always say thank you to his wife for every meal served.
How many of such marital roles are taken for granted, explaining them away as normal family responsibilities? Do you realise how many hazards go with such marital roles?
Kitchen incidents and accidents, causing bodily harms, and loss of lives, for the unlucky ones; insults and pains husbands go through all in order to make ends meet for the sake of the family. Left alone, he could survive on an empty stomach for a few days, but with a wife and children to cater for, he has to endure the shame and pains.
All these sacrifices and hazards we go through deserve deep appreciation from one another. This is a much needed tonic to propel us for much more sacrifices.
So, next time she places your food before you, he gives you money for family needs, gives birth, cleans the house, or he washes the car(s), cultivate the habit of saying “thanks,” straight from the heart.
This is better than criticisms of what money is providing? Ask your mates how much they give their wives compared to the paltry sum you call money,” “All we get from you is sex! sex! sex! no money,”
Why is this soup so flat? Is it meant for a dry fast? And the like.
With deep appreciation,we can stabilise the marriage institution, and reduce the rate of divorce and “necessary evil marriages” to be endured. This may be the only solution for some suffering marriages.
My book,”enjoying great sex life” is still available for sale. Please call 08112658560 for details.