BeING a second wife is a complex decision that some women make. In many cultures and societies, polygamy is a reality. There are many reasons why women decide to be a second wife. This ranges from financial security, love, protection, productivity, among others. This necessitated our discussion for today. Below are some of the responses of our contributors:
Matthew Grace
It is a No for me. If I love a man before I realise he is married, I would let the love die no matter how rich and caring he is. I cannot be a second wife.
Victoria Iheanyi
I cannot be a second wife to any man, even if I am in love with him. I would rather kill that love. I guess it depends on one’s personality. I am someone who loves fiercely and deeply, and cannot imagine myself sharing my man with another woman. He might be able to take care of me, which is very tempting because, at the end of the day, every woman wants someone who could cater for her needs. But knowing fully well that he is legally intimate with another woman would mess with my mental health, and I cannot risk that.
Adeosun Temitope
Yes, I can. This is as far as he is ready to take care of me and my kids along with the senior wife.
Tosin Awoniyi
I cannot be a second wife. I dislike polygamy. Even if the man has all the money in the world, and all it takes to take care of me, I cannot be a second wife to him because I detest sharing my man with another woman.
Kemi Abims
I could because women are more than men. Hence, for all women to have husbands, some need to marry a second or third wife. This, indeed, has been a good way. Love should be the determinant. One must be sure of the love first and then affirm that the man could take care of her.
Akindele Opeyemi
It depends on the circumstances — like if the first wife is dead or they are no longer together. In the absence of that, I cannot and do not pray to be a second wife to a man, regardless of how he loves and takes care of me. Polygamy would be complicated for me. Also, I would not feel the ‘ideal’ relationship I picture with my husband if I become a second wife.
Suliat Adams
I could, as long as he has established or it has been established and verified that the first wife and/or her kids would not be angry about it. Also, as long as there would be peace in the house after the wedding. Love without peace is not worth it. He should have the maturity to deal with two women with as much fairness and justice as he could. Finally, if he could afford it, I would rather stay in a separate apartment from his first wife.
Buoye Deborah
I would say No. First of all, my religion does not permit such. Secondly, my personality would not too. He has a wife already, so coming in would be somehow for the first wife. I feel her pain already. I would relax and find a single man I would get married to. Even if I love him so much, as long as he is married, it is a No. If he is a widower and already has a child, I could still marry him. We know what happens in most polygamous homes.
Ilesanmi Praise
I cannot share my husband. I feel like, at some point, some sort of jealousy would set in, and he cannot satisfy both of us. I could be insecure in the marriage. So, it is not something I could manage. I am going to have that conversation before marriage so we both respect ourselves.
Juliet Durotimi
If it is a thing for me by God, I would hasten to have my way into his heart, with the hope that he would love me with a genuine heart and take care of my needs. If this is the case, I am for the everlasting commitment. I do not need to go around the bush or waste his time.
Lilian Odumosu
It does not matter, as long as the man is ready to stay committed to me and take care of me and my children. Secondly, the family of the man would have to know and accept me in their family. Finally, there must be mutual respect and understanding between us, because sometimes, love is not enough.
Doyinsola Teru
I cannot be a second wife. The attraction would not happen in the first place. I grew up in a polygamous family and I know the hurdles of such a family. I would not want to generalise, but in my case, there is no genuine love in the family. I would not want my kids to grow up in hostility, hatred and fights.
Jimoh Abolaji
“And if you fear that you will not deal justly with the orphan girls, then marry those that please you of [other] women, two or three or four. But if you fear that you will not be just, then [marry only] one of those your right hands possess [i.e., slaves]. That is more suitable that you may not incline [to injustice]. Q4vs3. Provided these criteria are met, I would let love lead.
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