Avoid infidelity, avoid out of wedlock children

The issue of out of wedlock children, especially the wives’ fashion of it, which was our focus last week, in this column, deserves all the necessary attention due to its devastating consequences on the marriage institution in particular, and the society at large. The consequences of bodily harm, emotional trauma, murder, suicide and others, are better imagined, than experienced. These are bitter tastes in the mouth that must be avoided. Last week, consideration was for mitigating these consequences, in a way, through early detection of children from infidelity. But, today, I want us to consider dealing with the root, which is infidelity. After all, it is the truth that there is no smoke without fire.(Except in spiritual cases). What I mean is that we should cut off infidelity in dealing with children from it. Once done, the issue becomes “case closed.”

Ways to avoid infidelity

  • Ensure that couples enjoy great intimacy. This means that couples must be like snail and its shell, or like it is being popularly stated figuratively, “five and six.” With such level of closeness, infidelity becomes near impossibility. This is achievable through daily renewal of marital commitment. Marriage requires a daily commitment if it is to withstand the challenges of life. This commitment is renewable through verbal and attitudinal means towards themselves and in relating with others. Leave no doubt in the hearts of people that your hearts belong to each other. In my marriage, friends and relatives of different climes know that we are both” love and honey,” and it is difficult to come against,or in between us, successfully. It is a commitment that has kept intruders at bay. We are one as husband and wife.
  • Create atmosphere for great sex life in your marriage. One of the purposes of marriage is to meet the need to enjoy sexual satisfaction. This is crucial to the health of a marriage. With sexual satisfaction, temptation of infidelity becomes near impossibility, if not totally impossible. That is why a couple with great sex life can surmount any challenge. It is a spirit, soul, and body exercise that binds couples together. Let your spouse become your only sex partner as you make sex an adventure in your marriage. My book on Enjoying Great Sex Life, is a master piece on such adventurous sex.”The unfortunate reality is that spouses are more vulnerable to flirtations and sexual advances from others when their sex life is unhappy at home”. According to the author of 101 Marriage Secrets. *Lock your heart against flirtations and sexual advances. This means it’s not on the menu table in your heart: no consideration, no thought, no trying to see if someone is leading you on, with respect to infidelity. Don’t smell what you won’t eat, or like a tribal proverb says, “Don’t look inside the bush so that you will not see shit.” Set boundaries in your relationships, either male or female, that you will never cross in order to avoid infidelity. For instance, don’t be in company of people who talk about sexual escapades with persons other than their spouses. Also, don’t discuss your spouse’s sex acts with others. This is private, and must be made private as much as much as possible. If your boundaries are challenged by a person, explain  to him or her that you and your spouse are committed to keeping your marriage safe, and have chosen these boundaries.
  • Be quick to recognise signals of infidelity, and flee from it. In many cases, the first step down the path of infidelity starts with individuals sharing intimate personal information with each other on a regular basis and not confiding in their spouses. Either party could mistake this for feelings of intimacy, and secrecy only encourages this intimacy to grow.

Other warning signs include: An increased excitement about seeing or meeting with someone of the opposite sex in particular; being alone in secluded places with a person of the opposite sex; consuming alcohol when your spouse is not present, especially due to marital conflict, and you feel vulnerable because of feelings of loneliness, rejection or anger towards your spouse.

  • Be open in your marriage to all issues about your life together. This is best done if you and your spouse openly discuss the things you can do to avoid an affair. As you discuss ways to keep your marriage strong, you will garner strength to prevent an affair from happening. It is also important to commit to letting each other know if you are feeling vulnerable or if a situation has the potential of turning in a direction that may get out of control. This however must be handled in a manner that will not make a spouse to be jealous or feel inadequate or threatened.




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