Many women wonder why their husbands are still not satisfied despite all the sacrifices they make to be available for sex, and many men likewise are bothered about why their wives still make excuses whenever they make sexual advances towards them, despite their effort to satisfy them the last time they had sex. The truth is, sex is more than rising and sinking or entering in and pouring out. I mean what gives a couple maximum pleasures and best satisfaction is more than entering into and coming out of the female vagina.
For a couple to enjoy maximum sexual pleasure there are ways to go about it. This knowledge is what is lacking in many marriages and it is causing a lot of pains, heartaches, and great disappointment for couples. This is mostly the cause of infidelity among married people. Like a man responded to one of my past write ups in this column, a lot of men in the middle age bracket are fast losing their wives to other men, who have learnt and internalized the skills needed to give a woman sexual pleasure. Of course, this is also the reason why some men engage in extra-marital affairs.
The reason for the lack of knowledge about sexual skills among couples is because these skills are not inborn, but have to be acquired by individuals. They are not things that an individual is born with, rather, they have to be acquired through the process of learning, and from the experience gathered by couples in the very act of sexual intercourse. Of course, it is not an easy thing to acquire these skills, just like learning other trades or studying to be an expert in any field of human endeavor is not easy. It requires commitment, patience, understanding, time, money and energy. This is why people find it difficult to acquire these skills.
To some men, it is simply unnecessary and unimaginable to start learning the skills needed for maximum sexual pleasure. They simply believe they are naturally endowed at giving pleasure to women since they derive pleasure from the act. Thus, they don’t even get started at all, not to talk of improving on the skills. Whatever they have been able to pick up in the process of sexual intercourse experience, or hear say from friends, and in public gatherings, are the bedrock of their sex life. No wonder they keep wondering why there are so many problems bedeviling them as married people. Without sexual satisfaction, the marriage will suffer more from other challenges of life the couple will face.
Another thing we have to face in this part of the world is the fact that parents, religious organizations, to mention a few, do not have any formal method of educating their young ones about the act of sex. Like it has been rightly pointed out by many respondents of this column and at other forum of marital interaction, no father or mother ever sat down their offspring to teach them the skills for sexual satisfaction. Rather, they just believe that when they get to the bridge, they will get to cross it somehow. They expected them to learn the act of sex when they get married, afterall, no parent taught them whatever they now know. And the truth is, not many of our parents actually know what to teach us. To many of them, sex is as much a riddle to them as it is to us. They have as many unanswered-questions as we have about it, and just as they are still able to get along somehow, they believe we will also get along in spite of whatever dissatisfaction we face.
When I got married, my husband and I did not know any skill at all. All that we knew was just to lie on top of each other, and then do whatever ought to be done. To me in particular, sex was something every married couple must engage in whether they want it or not. The truth is, I wasn’t even told that I was meant to enjoy it anyway. So, I just made myself available for it, as much as possible, in order to fulfill my marital responsibility. And when I can’t, I just put up excuses to evade it. But we then discovered that there is more to this thing called sex than we knew. We discovered it was an act that must be learnt and mastered, if sex is to be what the Creator intended. Skills must be acquired for sex to give maximum satisfaction. Of course, children were coming through whatever we were having as sex, and the joy of having those children fill in the gap for sexual pleasure. But, it could only last for awhile, after which, we became dissatisfied.
At this junction I must say that there is more to having sex with your spouse than having children. To the glory of God, I had my last baby almost twenty years ago, and today, my two children are out of our home, most of the time in school, leaving the two of us at home “alone”. So, if sex is just for pro-creation, I wonder what the two of us will be doing now. And, if sex is still to me that thing that must be endured I will by now be facing a lot of frustration.
Skills for sexual pleasure or satisfaction includes some of the following:
- Understanding what are the most important sex organs of a man and a woman. For a woman, it is the mind, while for the man it is the penis. These two must be worked upon and maintained if they will produce maximum satisfaction for the couple.
- Every man must know what gives his woman maximum sexual pleasure. It is not just enough to rise and sink inside her; you must know the way to strike for the best effect. This comes from reading generally about the females sexual body, composition and personally studying how your wife responds to each of the several things you do to her during sex. This must not be left to the men alone, women also must do the same. Body exploration for male and female must be learnt if the necessary satisfaction will be derived.
- Get to try out different sex positions with your spouse to find out which one(s) will give maximum sexual satisfaction to both of you.
- Add romance to your day-to-day activity. Many men only remember they have a wife when they want sex. Romance must be part and parcel of your marriage. Do things you used to do before you got married: say nice things to each other, tickle each other, play with each other, go for a walk together from time to time, send love messages to each other, buy gifts for each other (not necessarily expensive things) etc. These are some of the things to acquire if sexual pleasure will be within your reach as married couple.
My book, ENJOYING GREAT SEX LIFE is still on sale. You can call 08112658560 for the details.
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