SHARING your life with someone means being honest, especially regarding anything that can affect the health of your relationship. However, honesty may be a double-edged sword in your relationship. It may also be something that can help or hinder peace and harmony with your spouse. Thus, the underlying question this week is: Would you tell your past secret or wrongful past to your prospective partner?
Onnoghen’s suspension as CJN, dictatorship taken too far ― Atiku
On Whatsapp Conversation, this is what those who joined our conversation and our expert says on the issue:
Habeeb Yahaya
If it is something she has to know and would possibly get to know later then, it is better I tell her about it. Although, this depends on how I feel she can handle it. But if it’s something sensitive that could possibly ruin our relationship and it is not something she needs to know, it is better one keeps it to oneself since one has changed for good. The bottom line is everyone has a wrongful past. Thus, it is relative how one feels revealing it to his/her partner.
Bamidele Segun
Yes. For so many reasons. The past always has a way of catching up with us. To avoid it affecting the present, it is best you tell them. And if you don’t, it will cast so many doubts and you do not need that especially when you’re about to take the big stand of ‘I do.’ Not only does it help for a smooth future, it builds the bond in the relationship and makes it stronger because sharing thoughts and past actions help to see how far we have both come and the evidence of the transitory process. Trust is paramount!
Oluwadamilola Are
Yeah, it will be hard but it is better I tell him than have him find out by himself later on. I’m of the view that a broken courtship or relationship is better than a broken marriage. We are not perfect, and if after all the confessions of undying love he could not work out the pain and anger enough to forgive me and love me while we weren’t married, certainly he will do so when we’re married. Maybe by then we already have children, our families know each other and many other complications. Divorce is not a funny thing and I won’t take my chances with it. Plus, it’s just best to come clean about everything with your partner so as to strategise how you all can move forward and tackle obstacles or challenges related to it. Trust is a fragile thing, and like anything of value, it takes a long time for it to build and very little time to obliterate. It shouldn’t be toyed with. Secrets must be ousted on the table by both sides.
Farida Sanusi
No, if I know it can be used against me by my partner. I will rather not tell him. But if I trust him and he has opened up to me before, I will feel free to open up as well, knowing that it would help the relationship since it’s leading to marriage. If it’s seriously going to end up in marriage you shouldn’t actually hide anything from him/her and like the Yoruba saying, You don’t hide your corpse from the one that’s going to bath it but if he is judgmental and unforgiving, it is a red flag for me.
Erinle Deborah
Well, total sincerity is necessary. It could come back to haunt you. However, there are situations where one would have a very dark past and one would have changed. It is best to keep it hidden. But, I think it depends, if you can keep it to yourself without your conscience troubling you then, you should keep it to yourself. But if it is something that will later be revealed, then it should be discussed.
Kabiru Yusuf
It depends on the kind of secret. Some secrets can break home when later discovered, while some cannot lead to anything. Weigh in your options and decide appropriately.
EXPERT SPEAKS
Mr. Olaoye Adeleye, a relationship coach is our expert on this matter. This is deep, although, it depends on the personality and the type of person the partner is. However, marriage is a life time journey whether you like it or not, your past has a way of catching up with you in the nearest future.
Yes, it is best you tell your partner about all your past mistakes because you are about to start a journey that would last forever. Although, there are a lot of mixed feelings and mindset about letting your partner in on things like your past, but by doing this, you are building a marriage on trust and trust is the foundation of every relationship and the pillar of a lasting relationship or marriage.
Talking about your past secrets opens you up to a lot of risks but can also help your partner understand your weakness and help you manage your flaws. Conversing with your partner over your past secrets and wrongful pasts means you are telling your partner, you are not perfect and also creating a shock absorber to invade your pasts catching up with you in your marriage later in future. So, if you know you have a past or you have done something so grave that if it meets the daylight, you can lose everything you have worked for, take the bold step in telling your partner if you love him/her and to save her the hurt and suspense, that’s the least he/she deserves. Trust is like a paper, once it’s crumpled it can never be perfect again.
Next week our WhatsApp Conversation Topic will be: As single, can you marry a divorcee with children?
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