Most people are not comfortable living with their spouse’s siblings or relatives, especially for a long period. On many occasions, if this arrangement lacks careful consideration and communication between the parties involved it could cause quarrels, privacy issues, financial burdens, and other forms of stress. Today, we will be discussing this issue. Below are the responses of some of our contributors:
Janet Adetoun
It is fine if we are not from an archaic line of cultural beliefs that we must become a maid to them. Some cultures pride themselves in testing how much of a wife material the woman could be by how much chores and duties she could do for the family. Insane duties like doing laundry for the whole family, cooking and serving everyone, cleaning everyone’s room and toilets, etc, while still taking care of her kids and running an 8 – 5 job is uncalled for. They cannot try this with their sisters. Although, as the host, I have primary duties to my guests, which I would do to the best of my abilities. If peace reigns when everyone stays in their lane, then it is fine by me.
Mirabel Ojichukwu
This is a tricky one. I am a private person and believe in having a strong nuclear family without external interference. However, there are some circumstances beyond everyone’s control. So, in such cases, I would not mind.
Olapeju Omolara
I think cases like this should be time-bound. What I mean is that my hubby and I would agree on how long they would stay. Once that is set, I do not see any issue.
Eniola
Due to my experience in the past, while growing up with extended family members, I would not allow them to stay long in my husband’s house. There is a way to politely let them know when it starts feeling like they are intruding on one’s privacy.
Hope Chizoba
I do not mind my husband’s siblings staying with us for some time. Any reasonable person already knows they cannot live with us forever. Moreover, they grew up with my husband so they must mean a lot to him. I have heard horrible stories of people concerning their in-laws so I understand why people may be skeptical about keeping them in their homes.
Maryam Oyinlade
Wisdom is profitable. Life is not black and white. Ideally, the best way you could enjoy your in-laws is when you are not together for too long. But there are many cases, especially in an African setting, that you cannot avoid. Also, what goes around comes around. If you make an issue out of the situation and you somehow frustrate your husband’s plans to help them, they would know. And, that is dangerous.
Peace Udoma
God gave me a wise and considerate husband. He knows what I could and could not deal with. Even if we had to take my husband’s siblings in, we would carefully discuss the pros and cons. The same would happen if it were my siblings.
- J. Ebojo
I do not think my spouse’s sibling living with us should be an issue. They could be brought into the picture after we have settled as couples and have understood each other to a very large extent. After this, we could be able to assist a third party by allowing them to stay in our home. I believe it is the help we could render to them when they need it.
Sharon Adediji
It is a no for me. If it is just visiting; it’s fine, but if it is to stay for a long time, I would not agree. There might be friction along the way and it might not be good for the family.
Ugie Oyamenda.
I would have to handle it diplomatically. Since I love my spouse, I should be able to accommodate his relatives, including his brother or sister. I would have to operate with tolerance.
Jibola
I have had a similar experience with my parents. My uncle stayed with us for a while and it did not go well with my mum because he kept on intruding on the affairs of the family, thereby informing some decisions. So, I cannot tolerate it at all because it is still a trauma as it led to major disagreement between my parents at the time. Of course, visiting is allowed, but they will not be allowed to stay longer. My husband and I would discuss this before marriage to avoid tears.
Tolulope Agbeja
It depends on the time or duration he/she would be staying. If it is for years, I cannot accept it. But if it is for a few days or weeks, it is fine by me. I cannot accept that if our marriage is in its early stages.
Ife Akinsola
I do not think it is something to encourage because most times it causes a lot of trouble, insults, disrespect, and home breakage. However, if it must happen, you have to have a heart-to-heart discussion with your spouse so he/she can lay down rules for their siblings that they must abide by. Also, your spouse must watch the way they behave towards you. Most importantly, you must have patience and be ready for some situations that would be annoying.
Roselike
If my husband’s siblings love, accept, and respect me as their brother’s wife, then it is fine by me.
Mildred
I am giving my points based on my experience. While growing up, I used to like the idea of having folks around me − my immediate family members or my spouse’s immediate family members − until I was proven wrong. I stayed with an uncle, the wife, her sister, and one other family member, making five of us, until my uncle started raising kids. There was not any form of privacy because my uncle was very broad at heart and accommodating. He rarely did have fun with his wife for the sake of prying eyes, and probably did not want to hurt anyone’s feelings − even though we were still very much tender, except for the family member who was mature then.
However, there was this emotional loophole between them. Though my uncle was strict, he was much more accommodating. The wife did not want his family members around him, except hers. So, it caused chaos in the home that even though they managed to settle it, it ate deep to the extent that the hubby made a vow that he did not want to see any member of the wife’s family.
Therefore, my perspective changed. It is not too encouraging for either member of the family to live with them. They could stay for a while and leave. Gone were days when these ideas were obtainable; not in this current age. It should not be encouraged. The couple might have good intentions, but what about those living with them − two cannot work together unless they agree. Sometimes, the intentions may be genuine, but there are temptations and that is the reason I would not support it. If you want to assist any family members, whether or not they are staying with you, it is achievable.
Peace is priceless; I cannot trade it for anything. Finally, while it might work for others, it might not work for others.
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