COMMUNICATION is key to every relationship, especially in marriage. It’s one major source of conflicts in marriage. Just yesterday, I had to deal with a marital conflict occasioned by a communication gap. Therefore, like sex, we cannot have enough discussion about communication in marriage. It’s one way of servicing relationships.
When the communication link is cut, the relationship gets endangered. Through communication, you reach out to your spouse on your likes and dislikes. When it’s cut off, it makes the survival of the relationship difficult. It’s assumed that someone else is taking your space.
When communication is lost, the redemption of the relationship is gone. That’s why you see a spouse running away from his or her partner. It’s the easiest way of saying, “I’m done with you in this relationship.”
Before communication in relationships, including marriage, gets bad or cut off, the starting point is usually bad communication. That is, ineffective communication. It’s tagged bad because the messages passed are not clearly delivered and received. This brings confusion, arguments, allegations, and misconceptions. When this is not nipped in the bud, with time it gets bad, and eventually becomes cut off. This is the point at which irreconcilable differences come into play. This is why adequate attention must be given to communication in marriage. No effort should be spared in this direction. It must be constantly revisited. Hence, the reason why we are focusing on it again today.
Communication involves speech, body language, giving attitude to your spouse, writing letters or sending messages, and eye contact.
What you communicate about
Your hurts
Don’t die in silence. Don’t make it difficult for your spouse to speak his or her mind to you on all issues. Nothing should be ‘A no-go area’ of discussion for you or your spouse.
Some people keep quiet about what they are going through in marriage, instead of talking to their spouses about it. They don’t want to be misunderstood or offended by them. This is wrong and should be jettisoned by all means.
Your s3x life
My husband and I once held a conference during which a couple married for over forty years said they had never discussed s3x in their marriage. They just rolled by with whatever their experiences were in bed.
This is wrong. You should communicate your likes and dislikes about s3x to your spouse. Don’t just struggle in silence about your s3xual feelings. You should let your spouse know if you are satisfied in bed or not. Doing so helps you to enjoy a great s3x life.
Your health status
We lost a senior friend last year to cancer, and it was shocking to know that his wife never got to know about his ill health until it was too late. Couples should not hide their health status from one another. It speaks volumes about your trust and care for each other when you confide in your spouse about your health status.
Men are more prone to hiding their health status, all in the name of being a ‘real man’. — a man is not easily broken kind of a thing. This is egoistic.
Finance
A man died and his wife never knew even his phone codes, such that the family could not access his financial information. Some people are neck-deep in debt and their spouses don’t know about it. Many properties, bank accounts, and investments are wasting away because their spouses don’t have the information about them.
This is not good. Keeping such secrets from your spouse is not communicating love and trust to him or her. It makes them feel unloved.
Your temptations
You should communicate your temptations to your spouse. This will strengthen your relationship. I know some spouses could feel threatened by this, but it’s still right to share such information with him or her with wisdom.
People have contacted me through this column for a relationship. I turn them down and bring it to my husband’s notice. He doesn’t feel threatened. Rather, it makes us to be watchful and never to lower our guard in protecting each other.
Your dreams and visions
There should be no ambiguity about what you are engaged in or want to do in the future with your spouse. It should be well spelt out so that both of you can work together on it. It’s essential if you want to have his or her maximum support for it.
Threats to the communication link
Usually, spouses find it difficult to communicate with each other for a few reasons. Some are cowed into silence by some attitudes of their partners. This should be looked into if the marriage will not break down.
I don’t care attitude
When your spouse’s complaints are not attended to, you are going to get him or her to close up, thus ruining the communication link between you. With time, you will lose that link. You should care about whatever issues he or she raises with you, and address same.
Taking issues discussed for granted
For example, this is when your spouse says “You’re hurting me”, yet you keep at it. Don’t explain issues away when raised. Don’t take it for granted that he or she can’t do anything about it. You may be pushing him or her into a withdrawal mode. Constantly postponing discussions, such as “I’m in the middle of something now.” “We can discuss it later today.” “I’m tired, honey. “Let’s do it tomorrow.”
Lack of a listening ear
You only issue commands without being ready to hear your spouse out.
Threatening comments
Comments like “I will deal with you”, “Don’t ever raise that issue with me again”, “You can opt out if you can’t cope with me” etc., are things you say to put your marital communication in jeopardy.
Know-it-all attitude
When you constantly present a picture of knowing everything, you will cause your spouse to stop talking to you on many issues. Stop giving him or her the impression that you don’t need contributions or advice from him or her.
Shutting down your spouse
Anytime he or she raises an issue with you, you get angry and shout at him or her. It’s like you hate hearing his or her voice. It could be that your mind is made up on the issues, so you don’t want to hear anything that will make you change your mind. No room for a second opinion. Hence, the shutdown posture.
You have to take action before it’s too late when the communication link is being cut off.
Signs that the communication link is lost are moodiness, monosyllable responses, ignoring comments, etc.
You can avail yourself of copies of my books ‘Enjoying Great S3x Life’ and ‘How To Help Your Wife Enjoy S3x’. Please, contact 08112658560 for details. SMS only.
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