Monetary angle of marital conflict

I have discovered that money plays a major part in marital conflicts. I used to think that sex is the basis of all marital conflicts, but now I know better.

I have l been at both sides of sex and money, and with my experiences and those of other married couples in conflicts, I make bold to give the upper hand of conflicts in marriage to money.

When I mentioned money, I meant lack of, or inadequacy of money.

I already did a write up on the importance of money in marriage. You can get it to enrich your knowledge of the point I will be making in this write up.

Lacks of money in marriages wills eventually mar the harmony in it. Depending on the personality of the couple, inadequate provision of money is the keg of a gun powder in the marriage. The longer it takes to overcome the challenge of inadequate provision of money, the more the frequency of conflicts, as well as the chances of the marriage entering into the bad sides of extra marital affairs and separation or outright divorce.

I have engaged many couples in conflicts due to inadequate finance, and I can say categorically that the threat or the temptation of the bad sides stated above is real. It takes wisdom and maturity to overcome in such circumstances.

When a marriage lacks adequate financial provision, the following things happen:

Both the husband and wife are on the edge.

The wife is on the edge because she is the one who bears the pressure of managing what is available. As we all know, when resources are inadequate, critical planning is required. Adequate resources make planning easy. You get your materials in bulk and save yourself the stress of frequenting the markets. All these take its toll on the wife. So, she gets touchy and starts nagging at her husband.

The how or when this happens depends on the temperament of the wife. The longer the inadequate financial situation persists, the worse the nagging for the wife, no matter her type of temperament trait. I found myself in this, years ago and my mentor counselled us to be intentional towards getting out of the situation, as quickly as possible. We did, and today we have a stronger marriage.

For the husband, he is also under intense pressure of the failure to make enough money available in the marriage. This guilt brings enough weight on his heart, and when the nagging starts, it causes his heart to break. At this point, his maturity and his temperament trait, come to play, in order to manage the tension. The outcome will be a make or mar affair; make, if properly managed and mar, if otherwise.

* Holidays and recreational outings become near impossible. When the stomach is empty, the major concern will be on how to fill it, rather than spending money for relaxation.

* Love language of gift items becomes relegated to the background, especially for the husband. The wife, being a love being, may still be able to cope. But, for the man, his thinking will be full of how to foot all the bills staring him in the face.

* Important dates in the family such as wedding anniversary, birthdays of the couple and the children become frequently forgotten. It takes deliberate effort and maturity for a husband to remember those dates. Or, even if he remembers, he may pretend not to, since he is expected to foot the associated bills.

*Faults become difficult to overlook. What you will ordinarily not lay to heart becomes easy and frequent point of reference.

All these are sources of conflicts in the home can become “yam pepper, scatter, scatter.”

Solutions to the situation of the pressure of lack or inadequate financial provision

Wisdom: Wisdom makes the couple, especially the husband, to manage the situation. The wife knows that wrong statements should be avoided, while the husband takes caution in responding to his wife, in the case of nagging at him. A wise husband will not respond to her nagging by saying, “should I turn myself to money for you to eat or kill myself?”

Avoid keeping the wrong company: This is relevant mostly to the wife. Don’t stay in the company of women, or even men who will tell you cock and bull stories of a better scenario in their own homes. In most cases, such is not always the truth. Rather, it’s a bait to lure you away from your marriage into extra marital affairs and to cause separation or divorce engendered conflicts in your marriage. Avoid such personality like a plague.

Avoid playing the blame game: Don’t start blaming each other for the situation of lack. Never accuse your husband of laziness or your wife of bad luck. Don’t tell him his failure to listen to your advice on finances is responsible for the insufficient fund.

Be intentional to engage in sex to avoid further drifting apart: Sex is a thing of the mind, and when you are not happy, it’s possible for sex to be relegated to the background. For the wife, it could be a case of denial, while for the husband, a case of avoiding it, in order to prevent being turned down. Sex as a lubricator will relieve you of tension of the lack.

Communicate understanding, patience and love rather than hurt: Don’t take your frustrations out on each other. It’s a saying that “hurting people, hurt others” so, keep showing understanding and patience in love, rather than being resentful of your spouse, either for nagging or for being touchy.

Keep hope of a better future alive: This is what is needed most to keep the marriage intact. When a brighter future is in sight, adrenaline to keep moving forward shoots up. Hope is a driving force in the marriage. So, focus on a bright future ahead of you in the marriage.

All these will help a couple to minimize the conflicts in the marriage.




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