Banditry as governance

The election that hurls me upon their lives is emotions bereaved! As I move across campaign grounds, stump cities for votes, I see the office of my target, the perquisites and booties – awesome as ocean treasures – packed within. I don’t see the voters to bring these to be: lives torrentially scarified by Nobel-class insufferables! While my campaigns last, I give them cash as I throw bananas and sweets at monkeys that entertain my guests in their harnesses. The gifts convey no brotherly messages, but that of the master to his servants: at least they need energies to move to polling points – slaughter slabs for the discomforted – where they thumbprint themselves into slavery, ratify my reign of deceit! Blame me not if I don’t carry feelings for the ones whose votes sanctify my turn in the opaque (not Oval) office!

It is true the electorate run on same blood and water, eat, drink, copulate to pullulate, just as I do! But in me is a disease that sunders them – oh, whole needy lot! – off my concerns as president, governor, national/state lawmaker, council chairman, minister, commissioner, others. I am aware of their exceeding lack! We live just doors apart, but we are worlds apart! Arigeni, a country of nearly 200 million individuals – vast business empire for routine careerists – is structured to serve me too, Officer have-it-all!

The sundering, sanctioned of the structure that patterns darkness into conducts within my office, assures my limitless access to treasures that must limit their pleasures. My treasures as found no measures remain props for their discomforts of borderless horrors. The structure also allows only my signature as seal upon contracts, whatever the volume and purpose – contracts, many of which exist on only paper, but cash values of which must make their way into bank vaults in my personal honours! Where is the Gulf oil windfall? With my signature, even a pin can be procured for a million naira!

Social contract is the thinker’s offer, the bonding sense of belongingness and shared roles between the rulers and the ruled. A side of the contract impel (not compel) the Officer to submit office booties to supporting the subjects; another side impels the subjects to offering obeisance to legit laws of the land. A mutual, consensual process of give and take, you may say! But this is lost in Arigeni over which I superintend. I am not socially contracted by permissions of my office to apply whatever gains to bettering anyone/anything, save my personal estates, and if these are not in need, the gesture goes to my pets, for which I nurse more humane affection. I can afford to fly ailing Alsatians, even lions, guarding my belongings, out to America, Asia, to be minded over by the best of experts, never my house helps or drivers that are often similarly stricken. Make no mistakes! The drivers and house helps can grow wings, should they be too well cared for, to insubordinate my reign. Pets never known to nurse poisonous intents!

I am messenger for only the EXTERNALS who I serve as EHM, from whom I accept loans cheap to obtain, but impossible to repay. With this the unfortunate Arigenians get riveted to a limitless tenure of UNBREAKABLE servitude – borrowings for projects the country is rich enough to bankroll unAIDED! EHMs are materially favoured quislings like me who serve the mammons at world’s capitals, from Washington DC, to Paris, to hobble own economies!

You compare THEM with US? Goals divergent, visions differ! What an error to presume governance as ‘attainment of greatest good for the greatest number’! Arigeni licenses me to deliver the greatest, most valuable, good to the smallest achievable coterie of politically connected. THERE, subordinates look as robust as the (Executive) Officer, sometimes even better. This owes to policies – standing anti-poverty programs, including Food Stamps, the Earned Income Tax Credit and Medicaid, others, as do actually level survival fields, quite unlike HERE! Where salaries are paid to partners in the development process cannot be same as where they are paid to perpetuate slaves of the same process.

Again, HERE, my office, located in well recessed, heavily guarded quatres, and made of concrete prefabs, has thick iron doors which I often lock upon entering to deal blows on them! While inside, can anyone ever guess at my wiles? THERE, the office is often positioned on the streets and made of transparent, see through glasses, accessible, both ocularly and physically, as much to the Toms, as to the Dicks and Harries. Consciencism and morality? Tufiakpa!

I love Whiteman’s capitalism idea as public administration option, recommending ‘government has no business in business’, banishing the credo of equity in governance! Come witness limitless freedom to sell off common possessions through privatisation recommendations – NEPA, NITEL gone! I have since rushed many other public concerns into ownerships of my family members, friends and close political associates. This is pure capitalism, one as worsens want for the majority. But impure capitalism – with overt welfarism taints that emplace levelers, has always found residence among those who sold me government-has-no-business-in-business idea! Wonderful! My subjects can bring their proposals for salary increments, I have a way to shortchange them in the process – for them is a take home pay that must never take them even half the way home!

How can I share with them such humongous sums through so-called social amenities: good, well-paved roads; running, portable water piped into habitations; solid hospitals, affixed with up-to-the-moment amenities; 24/7 electricity power supply, affordable housing for all? IMPOSSIBLE! They also struggle to give their children education to be like me. Zero-sum! Ninety-nine in every hundred of their kids have nowhere to go, despite their certifications! This is the structure long established, same I sustain!

I have broken all prescriptions on social contract. This Arigenian edifice is about giving way, courtesy promptings of my perverse gluttony, emotions denied superintendence. Some among my subjects often do run berserk, attacking sanity/decency just whatever way they feel. Disobedience earned, you will say! Any moral qualification on my part to penalise so-called nonconformists? Banditry thrives by the designs as much of my heart as of my hand! I, as the Executive Officer, am only the head of a ring of bandits that you know too well. Kidnappers, robbers, insurgents, herdsmen, have their daredevilry oiled by white collared errors I unloosen across the places, and through other crime-compliant schemes.

All these, even as activists who should cog my advance seem gone for good, especially with the death of fiery solicitor, Igan Wefamihin! In his place now are impostors who make interesting shows of activism in the day with placards, while in the night they retire to my quartres for proceeds of their investment. The police are not policing and the army/navy/air force remain ever ill-prepared, heavily compromised and have proven serially impotent to guard the borders – terrestrial/picrocholinal/aerial! Despite a multiplicity of duplicitous internal security formations, insecurity festers, blood flows in Arigeni like rivers – provenances of my dealership leadership! I cannot pretend not to know all these! But, please recall, just before Uganda imploded on Idi Amin, what did he do?

  • Sulaiman Salawudeen, writer and freelance journalist, writes via



PRINCIPALS of secondary schools nationwide under the aegis of All Nigeria Confederation of Principals of Secondary Schools (ANCOPSS) have also expressed surprise over Minister of Education, Mr Adamu Adamu’s announcement on Wednesday withdrawing all the SS3 students in all the 104 Federal Government colleges… Read Full Story
AS the investigation into the corruption allegations levelled against the embattled acting chairman of the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC), Ibrahim Magu, entered its fourth day on Thursday, the secretary of the anti-graft agency, Olanipekun Olukoyede and some of its directors have appeared before the panel … Read Full Story
President Buhari will on Friday sign into law the revised 2020 budget of N10.8 trillion passed by the National Assembly last month… Read Full Story
Ten of the aspirants who picked the All Progressives Congress (APC) Expression of Interest and nomination form ahead of its July 10 primary in Ondo State may boycott the election… Read Full Story
The Speaker of Zamfara State House of Assembly, Alhaji Nasiru Mu’azu has said the ongoing renovation works in the assembly complex will not hinder the lawmakers from passing laws that will be beneficial to the… Read Full Story
Pan- Yoruba socio-political group, Afenifere, has kicked against Federal Government’s decision to withdraw Nigerian students from writing this year’s examinations conducted by West African Examination Council (WAEC), on account of ravaging COVID-19, describing such move as amounting to the country being burdened… Read Full Story
FOR much of his life, Abdul-Halim al-Akoum stashed away cash in hopes of one day travelling from his Lebanese mountain village to perform the hajj, the pilgrimage to Mecca that all Muslims who can are obliged to make once in their lives. He was all set to go this year until the coronavirus pandemic forced Saudi Arabia… Read Full Story
Olusina Ajayi Olatinwo, who is over 60 years of age, recently got united with his family in Ibadan, after spending 21 years in different prisons across the South-West, on a wrongful conviction that led to a death sentence. YEJIDE GBENGA-OGUNDARE reports that it was a bitter-sweet experience for his family who had… Read Full Story
GOVERNMENTS, religious and social organisations and the citizenry should all see COVID-19 as a common enemy and work individually and collectively to tackle its menace with a view to ensuring that it does not constitute a permanent threat to safety and the economic, spiritual and social well-being of the human society… Read Full Story
IN a video released on June 23 which went viral on the internet, Lance Corporal Martins Ndakpini of Eight Division, Nigerian Army, Sokoto, criticised the leadership of the national security and defence apparatus, including the Chief of Army Staff (COAS), Lt.-General Tukur Buratai, other service chiefs and the National Security… Read Full Story
Damilare Johnson, popularly known as Dami J, is a new act in the Nigerian music industry but his unique sound and artistic versatility are steadily making way for him in the front row… Read Full Story
It may be shocking to many seeing a decorated female Nigerian police sergeant mount a party stage as a DJ, but this is what Odiase Selimot Adejoke is generally known for. Now known as Dj Sexy Jin around entertainment circles, she recently relocated to the United States of America to join her husband… Read Full Story
You might also like

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. AcceptRead More