Not every friend or partner understands what it’s like to be vulnerable in a relationship. Some find it hard to be vulnerable. They are often guarded and have learned this from one experience or another while growing up. However, if you’re looking at learning what it’s like to be vulnerable in a relationship, there are a few points in this article to guide you.
What is vulnerability? It is being bare and completely honest about who you are, your thoughts and happenings in your life, to your friend or partner. Being vulnerable in a relationship means you are opening yourself up to opportunities to get hurt and have your trust betrayed. Well, this doesn’t in anyway invalidate how rewarding vulnerability is.
What it’s like to be vulnerable in a relationship
1. Giving honest answers
When your friend or partner asks questions about your well-being or how you’re faring, don’t give the opposite response of what is going on with you. If they ask, ‘How are you?’ Do not say fine when you mean to say ‘not fine.’ That is one way to be vulnerable in a relationship. It’s possible that you’re of the opinion that you don’t want to dump your problems or worries on them. Therefore you’re hoarding the true reply. That’s thoughtful. However, you can still choose to tell them the truth. They care, that’s why they are asking. It’s okay to come clean about what is bothering you.
When you give honest answers, you are helping them understand how to relate with you and how to help you out if they can. It’s also a way of allowing them to love you, and also giving them hints on how to treat you. They cannot read your minds and they shouldn’t assume things. So, do not hesitate to give honest answers to them.
2. Having difficult conversations
Being vulnerable in a relationship is also about having the difficult conversations. You know those conversations that seem hard and difficult, especially those ones that could cause trouble. Yes, those ones. Have them. Don’t sweep them under the carpet. However, you must approach them with wisdom. Be clear about your intentions from the beginning. Let the other party know that you’re not in for a fight, but it’s important for you to have the conversation with them.
To ensure clarity, don’t muddle things up. Discuss one thing at a time. And if you’re sure that you may lose track of your line of thoughts, you can write down each point and let what you’ve written guide you through the conversation. Yes, you can be that intentional.
In all that you do, focus on the problem or the subject matter. Don’t raise your voice at each other. If anything, allow humour play out while speaking, but don’t over do it. Allow your friend or partner also talk about their own view of the matter, and give yourself to listening attentively.
3. Don’t hesitate to say NO
If your partner or friend needs a favour from you, or needs you to show up for something based on their request, and you know that it is an impossible task for you at the moment, you can say no. Saying no doesn’t mean that you are wicked or you’re not a good friend. It means you’re being honest about the fact that you cannot show up.
However, this does not in anyway overrule selflessness in a relationship. If you are going to say no to their request, you must be able to give genuine reasons for not being able to honour their request at the time. Show them that you genuinely want to help them, but you cannot die to honest reasons.
4. Celebrating your wins and talking about your failures
Being vulnerable in relationship also entails celebrating your wins with your partner or your friend and vice versa. When good things happen or you succeed at something let them know. When they share things like that with you also, genuinely celebrate with them. It is trust that would make you talk to them about these things in the first place.
It doesn’t end at sharing wins too. Also talk to them about that project that you worked on and failed at. Talk to them about things you didn’t succeed at. Share your pain with them. Allow them comfort you. You should also be available to do the same when your friend or partner shares their pain with you.
5. Ask for their help
This cannot be overemphasized. Being vulnerable in a relationship could mean bringing yourself to ask for help when you need it. Don’t try to act smart by wanting to heap a burden on yourself when all you can do is just ask them for help.
Some people don’t like to ask for help from their friend or partner because they love the idea of being perceived as an independent and strong person who has got his or life together. Oh well, no one is an island. Save yourself from avoidable stress and ask them for help.
Conclusively, being vulnerable in a relationship will not happen overnight. It takes you being intentional about taking bold steps to be honest with your friend or partner. Vulnerability is achievable if you put in the work.
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