We all desire to be in a happy relationship – that goes for guys and girls – because our happiness determines our productivity in life. However, in the African society, men have been made to believe that they do not need to express their emotions or feelings because they are males.
In the usual phrase, they are told to “man up” in instances where they are not happy or pleased with their relationships.
If you’re guy in a relationship and you feel things aren’t going the way you planned or you’re planning to go into a relationship, here are 10 red flags guys should look out for in relationships.
1. Speaking ill of your friends
If you’re in a relationship with a lady who constantly speaks ill of your friends no matter how nice they try to be to her then you should run. This is because continuing a relationship with such a person will lead you losing important relationships and friendship in your life. However, if the friends she constantly speak about are those you know you sincerely need to let go maybe as a result of some bad habits they engage in, then this is fine but if otherwise she will eventually isolate you from all those who matter in your life.
2. Constant expectation for you to foot the bills always
If you get to pay the bill every time you’re together without her making attempts to help out, then this is another red flag to watch out for. If all she is concerned about is how to enjoy herself and get whatever she desires without asking how this affect your finances, please run because she is definitely not a builder. This behaviour is also an indication of a sense of entitlement.
This should not be the case as we are now living in a progressive world where both men and women have jobs and make comparable incomes. So, both parties are expected to contribute to the finance of the relationship.
3. Lack of respect for your privacy/boundaries
There should not be secrets between partners in a healthy relationship. But regardless of this fact, boundaries should be respected. If you’re with a lady who doesn’t have regard for set boundaries, then you need to watch out as this might be a sign of lack of trust, respect or insecurity.
4. Bad family history
A bad family history may not be her fault nor a concrete red flag in itself, but research in psychology has shown that our relationships with our earliest caregivers lay an imprint for how we perceive our close or intimate relationships going forward. This means that for instance, if she grew up in a home where there was no trust then she has the tendency of believing that you shouldn’t also be trusted. However, this can be worked on.
5. Demonising of all her exes
Being with a lady who constantly speaks ill of all her exes without admitting her role in the demise of the previous relationships is a sign that she doesn’t accept her mistakes and is not a person who takes responsibility for her actions. If all her exes are demons, heartbreakers, selfish, ungrateful, and so on, be sure that very soon those adjectives will be used to qualify you before the next guy she will be with after dumping you.
6. History of unstable associations
If she has a history of relationships (romantic or non- romantic) that are always short-lived or unstable, you need to check again. Does she change her best friends on monthly or yearly basis? Does she always have reasons to fight or stay away from friends or family regularly? This is a clear indication of how well she can maintain relationships, and her ability to see the need for others in her life.
7. Treating people with disrespect
Do you find her always disrespecting people she feels she is better than? Or is she the type that raises her voice or hands against those who work under you or with you? This is an indication of a bad character trait and you should know that this can also be done to you or to people around you who you hold in high esteem regardless of their financial or social status.
8. Wrong conflict resolution
If any little disagreement always ends in chaos or destruction of items or properties, there is danger. It is normal for disagreements to arise between individuals in a relationship. But if these disagreements always end in fighting or destruction of property, then it’s an indication that she doesn’t have control over her emotions. She needs to see a counselor or psychologist on how to effectively manage her emotions or anger.
9. Holding of grudges
Disagreements are bound to occur in a relationship. But if you’re always the one apologising even when you’re not wrong, then watch out. Does she forgive easily or do you have to apologize for months before she oblige? Is she always Ok when you both are not talking? If she always holds grudges against you for some little mistakes of yours, then she may not worthy to be called your woman.
10. Wants to be at the centre of your life
Are you with a lady who always wants to be placed at the centre of your world? Is she always seeking for your attention every now and then? Can’t she live a day without you having to call her every hour? If the answer to these questions are in the negative, then you need to think your decision through again.
The person you choose to be with must be an individual who has an identity outside of your relationship. She should be secured, complete and self-sufficient in and of herself.
Although there are no perfect individuals in this world, but we all have to work on ourselves to become better day by day. So, in your choice of partner ensure you are with a person willing to work on their weaknesses and it’s paramount that you seek to be happy in your relationship because in the end that is all that matters.
Check out red flags ladies should look out for in a relationship
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