Iread a Twitter post a couple of months ago that was so beautiful, it brought a smile to my face. It was discussing beauty and the societal ideals we place on it. Beauty has often come to be defined in terms of the physical shape or features a person possesses and there have been impossible standards set with everyone trying to meet them. Everyday, teenage girls look in the mirror and question what they see. They want longer legs, a flawless face and a flat stomach. This ideal is what influences even the world of make up where everyone is striving to achieve a “perfect” look but is that really what beauty is?
The feminine beauty ideal is often defined in terms of physical characteristics and is the socially constructed notion that physical attractiveness is one of women’s most important assets, and something all women should strive to achieve and maintain. It posits that the “perfection” is the only possible way for women to be seen. It reduces women to sexual objects and lowers their self esteem. One of the most powerful tools through which this is done is the mass media, especially social media. The feminine beauty ideal in the mass media is manipulated by technology, images of women can be virtually manipulated creating an ideal that is not only rare but also nonexistent. Too often women scroll through dozens of pictures of their “idols” with airbrushed and photoshopped perfect bodies and figures. This sends an unconscious message of comparison to their brains and they subconsciously start to measure their own bodies with these standards. Yet, because it is not real, the ideal becomes impossible to attain and the chase begins.
A teenage girl has stopped eating because her friends made fun of her stomach yesterday. A bride to be needs to fit into her dress so she goes on a fruit fast hoping to lose the weight. A female in the university cannot go to the classroom without at least a touch of make up, she is hoping to “catch a man”. The list goes on and on. The beauty industry’s is centred around these unattainable standards of what is beautiful. Girls and women spend countless amounts of money trying to achieve the perfect look. There are a million and one brands of spanx and girdles to clinch in the tummy, brands of make up to achieve a certain glow, brands of masks to get the perfect skin or even the diets to achieve the perfect figure. It is an industry built on an unachievable ideal of beauty.
But, who makes the rules? Who says that beauty has to be a certain look or figure? Why should everyone look the same? I think beauty is in the ordinary imperfections. The tummy that housed your precious babies, the face that makes your mother smile and the figure that is just you. Who says that you are ugly? Have they seen you when your eyes light up and you get excited and talk too fast? Have they seen you look in awe at creation? Have they seen you passionately express your views on an issue? True beauty goes beyond the physical, it is the images and moments that make up our world. You are truly beautiful not when you look in the mirror but when you give of yourself selflessly, when you do something you truly believe in, when you are happy.
Growing up, I remember looking in the mirror and not liking what I saw. I was too thin, too dark, too small. Years after I still fight those feelings of inadequacy, of not measuring up. I find myself looking through pictures of my mates and wondering when my make up will look like that, I find myself deleting pictures because I do not think I look beautiful in them. The thing about societal standards is that you subconsciously submit to them but I am learning that true beauty goes beyond what we see and that rather it comes from the heart. It comes from within you. It is why we often speak of people who radiate beauty. I have come to appreciate that true beauty is the acceptance of yourself, perceived flaws and all, and to realise that they are a part of what makes you, you. It’s a radiance of spirit, having character, kindness to ourselves and to others, it’s strength and self confidence to know that with or without makeup the real beauty is you. It is in knowing that beauty should not be something we strive for endlessly but what we see in the true essence of our happiest moments.
So, who says that you are not beautiful? That your features do not fit the ideal? Show them your scars, the ones that tell your story and tell of your various conquests. Open your arms wide and give them a hug, let them feel the warmth that comes from you. For true beauty does not need to make a noise, it comes from the deepest parts of you. True beauty is you.
- Wale-Olaitan is of the Faculty of Education, Obafemi Awolowo University, Ile-Ife, Nigeria.
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