EVERY marriage comes with the clause :“what God has joined together let no man put asunder”. This has always been a warning signal to third parties, friends, family and even parents who might want to come in-between the couples. However, little or no attention is paid to inanimate objects that are severing the oneness of couples. This prompted the question: Should married partners have separate rooms/beds?
On WhatsApp Conversation, these are what those who joined the conversation and our expert said on the issue
I see no reason that can justify this, is it privacy? Then why are we husband and wife? if he wants an office/prayer room in the house, it is fine but not a separate room.
If necessity demands, it shouldn’t be under lock. In marriage, you’ve given up your privacy by saying I do.
Sleeping in the same room does not in reality , mean deeper connection. Most times people need their space. No matter how in love you are, there would be time you feeling like staying alone that is what different rooms are meant for.
Separate rooms? No. Separate beds? Maybe, the bed can be for convenience and all but the room is no way! We are partners and we should be together, a head cannot do without the neck. Separate rooms could result to a total fall out of a peaceful marriage.
If they have separate rooms, they automatically have separate beds. I do not see anything wrong with this, if it’s a result of their discussion. That is, both parties talked about it and they are fine with it. They could have separate rooms for privacy sake, to create boundaries and to make them comfortable.
It’s very good for couples to share one bedroom as it’s interesting to tell the whole world that my wife and I share the same bedroom.
However, it’s never a condition for strong love as many would want to postulate. Sharing one bedroom together doesn’t stop quarreling or misunderstanding. With maturity and understanding, couples staying in different bedrooms can still be in love. One partner can always go and meet the other one if need be or an issue to be resolved. Finally, there may be need for some privacy once in a while. Let’s remove some religious sentiments here please.
Married partners having separate rooms/beds – as much as having same room or/and same bed shows spouses’ love. It is not out of place to have separate rooms /beds for occasional once-a-while “strategic or/and deep faithful thinking.” Living does not end in sleeping together, entering same room together or/and eating together! There should be time to think, strategically.
However, for “other room” strategic togetherness, same room is recommended!
Having separate bed’s is good as there are times when what your body needs is a deep sleep that would be void of cuddling and caressing. Understanding cannot be undermined in any aspect of relationship and that includes the bed sharing aspect. Having separate beds may even save you from unnecessary arguments.
A marriage should not be on the line because of issues of bed (rooms), except one or both parties are immature. Couples should understand that they were first individuals and marriage won’t change that-there will still be preferences, and differences including such career, prime time, study time and even sleep time differences, thus requiring individual “me” time, space and boundaries. However, there could be weightier matters, especially if the separation is as a result of childbirth/children issues, relatives or guests, quarrel, sickness or threat to life.
Ifejola Akintunde, a marriage counsellor is our expert on this issue.
The answer can be found in a simple and concise statement of the Almighty in the Garden of Eden when He said “for this reason shall a man leave his father and his mother, and cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh. “This statement is critical and crucial to answering the question of this discourse. Because of the importance of the above-mentioned, these Bible commands were repeated in four different occasions. Accordingly, I feel compelled to review these keywords to answer the question: Leaving: moving not only from the geographical location but to move away from emotional ties of a father and mother relationship.
Cleaving: entering into a new husband / wife relationship, and one flesh: consummating the new union by the act sexual intercourse.
This is a life-long commitment. Anything that will constitute a threat to this divine mandate to bring about division to the loyalties and fidelities to the marriage union must strongly be resisted.
Cleaving is a very strong factor in the marriage equation. It’s not good for a husband and wife have to separate room and bed. It’s indeed tragic for husband and wife to have separate room / beds. How will married partners fulfill the mandate of cleaving together when they have separate bed? Love in a marriage is more than feeling; it’s a commitment that dedicates to moving to a higher and more meaningful conjugal level. Husband and wife that separate room and bed are not fulfilling their divine mandate of “cleaving.” The only thing that can separate married partners is death of either partner. Separating rooms and beds will quietly lead to a gap in the marriage. For instance, fellowship by the partners will suffer a reversal; there will be dysfunctional children development, wandering affection, constant quarrels and possible separation. What God has joined together let no room or bed put asunder.
Next week on WhatsApp conversation: what will you do if you discover your spouse’s private bank account?
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