Re: Rape: How consent separates pleasure from crime

What rape is or is not is a subject that will always be argued and revisited time and over again especially when it seems to favour some group of people more than the others.

Following the article on Rape: How consent separates pleasure from crime, published on July 14, 2018, there has been a lot of opinions shared and a lot more points that caused disagreements among readers on social media about what rape.

A background into what would have been a sincere effort of emphasizing the need to educate men about rape, turned into a public discussion was when a tweet-happy fellow responded to Dr Kelechi Okoro, a Medical Doctor, Preventive health enthusiast, sexual and reproductive health advocate (and a healthertainer as is popularly known on social media), said: “Are women educated? Why would a woman spend quality time with a man, she goes home with him willingly, takes off her cloth willing then just decided to tease and stop the fun… suddenly! Please, if I beat up the lady without raping her, have I done wrong? Remember I didn’t force her to my house, she willingly came to me and willingly took off her cloth…”

Below are some of the overwhelming reactions from contributors:

Consent is an old but new concept. A lot of people don’t understand it. A lot of people also don’t understand that consent isn’t standalone. There are other factors involved to enable you successfully achieve consent. Consent should be understood by both parties.

For me, I look at consent similar to ordering fast food. Fast food isn’t fast. There are background activities before it is achieved. Before a man and woman get to the point where he wants to insert his penis, other activities led them there.

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Yes, irrespective of what has happened prior, either the male or female can decide they are no longer interested in continuing coitus, but realistically it is not easy for the conceding partner. My advice, don’t wait till the last moment before withdrawing consent. – @oladipomd

Firstly Dr Kelechi, explain the difference between a man that is turned on and a woman that is turned on. Personally once I have been turned on it is very difficult to avoid sexual intercourse. Women need to know, don’t tease a man unless you gonna give it. – @myeza2

A NO is a No. Respect that and you’ll definitely get respect even if you don’t get the “kitty”. Move on! If she likes you that much she’ll come back! And if not, on to the next!! – @dj_tapeo

…This is the only key to her kingdom: CONSENT Poor example, but Imagine a landlord that wants to enter your rented apartment anyhow and anytime in the name of ‘it is my house; I built it’; you refuse him entry and he decides to break your door – @niyionanubi

“To avoid falling into a well, don’t play close to it.” Don’t give someone green light when you know you are not going to do it. At this point, he can’t control it anymore. There is a proverb that says: “an erect penis does not have a conscience.” It is rape because it us without her consent. – @BrendaNumesubo

Yes!! It is rape. He can only go as far as she permits. Just the same way he has a right to say no at any point. Even if we are half way there, or in there, we must respect each other’s opinion. –

@CC_okoro

Voluntary date…her partner…Indoors…making out on the couch…clothes off…mushy mushy. Doc I’ve answered your question. If you know you’re not getting to that destination, why enter the Bus to Badagry? – @capacitor60

There’s a difference between persuasion and forced entry. If you want something from me and I say NO, you have every right to convince me otherwise. If you successfully persuade me to give it to you without force or violence does that make you a thief? PERSUASION IS NOT A CRIME – @aweleozie

Babe said NO now. So no consent and that’s RAPE. Although guys grew up with this body language that some girls give when they say no but don’t mean it so the guys read that as the girls not wanting to look easy and press further and have sex two or three times out of 10 in such scenarios. –

@terryjay55

what you don’t want to have an end, should not even start at all…. She shouldn’t have gotten the guy in the mood when she wasn’t in for it! – @adenikebrave

Yes it is. The question is would someone believe the same happens to men but it’s justified that you’re a man. – @ColombianKE

Dear girl/lady/woman, to avoid stories that touch, don’t lead a man to your cookie jar, hand him a cookie and then tell him not to chew. Yes Twitter May be here to lament for you, you’ll be the one to lick your wound in your lonely corner. Issagoal. –

@amorebabafemi

It’s rape but NOT on first degree because there were consensual advances, mutual benefits and emotional submission despite the absence of consent. But what our courts find difficult to ascertain is the real NO of a woman when it comes to sex! – @omarralfaruq222 Jul 19

But why can’t we just be honest, as a lady, why put yourself in such a situation in the first place? And the dude, would he had forced himself on her if she was in her period, this animals can actually control themselves, the problem is they don’t like being told what to do. – @elmuye94.